The CARTERS- Book 1 {COMPLETED}

Chapter 81- Where'd You Go?

Beyonce POV

My head rest against my knees as my body drifted into sleep wrapped up in this uncomfortable position. My body needed rest any which way it can get it. For the third time since I arrived at Jay's office, I have fallen asleep impatiently waiting for him to show up.

I got up again as I heard the sound of foot steps rattling towards me, I pitched up in excitement hoping it was him; as much as I want to fight it I couldn't. My body had a different vibe going on, I just wanted to shove him into his office and squeeze his body close to mines.

I starred down the hallway waiting for the foot steps to appear. Still nothing. I tilted my head down one more time as I sat in place thinking about what I wanted to say to Jay, but nothing was coming out right.

As I daze back off into a nap my left knee was tapped lightly as a hand rested on it. I kept my head in the same position as a smile dance crossed my face. I knew it, without question it was HE!

I rose my head up exposing my red cheeks that were attached to the two side of my make-up free face. I gazed into his lustful eyes that soon turned into joy as I placed my hands up to his. It was our first time all over again.

I gazed away unable to control my blush that was getting the best of me.

"Baby!" We said in sync as I stood to my feet as my arms wrapped around Jays back.

I inhaled his scent as we stood there for about 5 minutes embracing each other and our hearts that wanted to pour it all out at once.

Pulling my head from his chest Jay starred in my eyes, the guilt that was eating me wouldn't allow me the time to stare back at him. I needed my life to be stable and at this point everything was all over the place.

"Bey?....." he spoke breaking the silence. "We're back here again and I can't blame you for it because I didn't speak about it to you the last time. This is it. We're not going back down this road." He said surveying my face.

"I know." I said disappointingly.

I dropped my head looking at the blue carpet as I eased back into my seat. As much of a bad place Jay and I are in, I didn't want to deal with a heart to heart conversation.

"Bey, look-" He started to speak before I raised my hands motioning him to stop.

"Everything is happening at once Jay, my life is spinning out of control. One day I am happy and I know where I want to be in my life and the other I want to give this all up. I can't find peace in my family, in my career and all of that unhappiness is rolling over into this relationship. I need peace Jay. I need my father to stop the shit and just let me be." I said as my cheeks started to cover up in tears.

Silence fell around us as Jay took a seat next to me watching me carefully. For some reason he wasn't moved by my tears.

"Time after time, I told you to talk to me and you didn't. I am not around you 24/7 to see if something is off with your actions or attitude Bey so I can't tell if something is wrong or bothering you when I am not around. Beside, you have a hell of a good way of pretending everything is okay through the phone." He said.

"Jay its not that simple." I said letting my tears get the best of me.

"Beyonce if you don't try to figure out what you want, you are gonna make yourself miserable and unhappy. Which means, that anyone who is with you will have to experience your misery and that's not fear. How many times do we have to keep going through the same shit over and over again. I get it, your father don't like me but so what. Its your fault we are always back at square one because fighting for what you want never will same right to you. You are gonna be 30 years and still have your father persuading? When we get married do you think I will put up with someone else making decisions and inserting himself in our lives? That just opens up a can of failure for a successful marriage."

"Its not my fault Jay. What am I suppose to do? Disrespect my family and have them all mad at me?" I asked.

"No, but it sames like its okay to have your dad making me look like a cheater and lair to everyone else right? Its okay for me to have reporters calling me about rumors and stories your father was trying to run uh? Its fine for Kelly to open her mouth and insult me too I guess? Never once, have I allowed my family, friends or associates to disrespect you and not because it wasn't right but it was because I love you. Now I'm wondering where you true love lies."

I starred at the ground trying to gather my words and self together. Honestly, this wasn't the way I intended for us to deal with our problems.

"Look Bey, you might hate this, but we will never be at peace until you decide who want in your life. You have a father one day and then you have a manager the other. The reason your father don't like me, don't like us is because you never once stabbed the bullshit and let us sort things out. You are so worried about your family's thought when they don't care about your happiness. You break your back for Kelly when she doesn't care to find out about how you are doing. Now that I think about, you probably came here to prove a point to them after the already talked to you badly. We got to figure something out Beyonce. You don't want to leave and I ain't going no where. So if that means, me and your dad having a conversation to put the assumptions aside then that's it. You keep running from your problems stressing out yourself, stressing out our relationship." He said pulling me from my seat and unto his lap.

"We ain't breaking up Beyonce. You ain't going no where and I ain't going no where so we have to find a medium to make this stable."He said as I sobbed into his shirt.

I raised my head from his chest as I placed my feet on the cold carpet. I took a moment to absorb Jay's words as I started wiping my tears.

"Shit Beyonce!" I mumbled to myself as I started to think about the state I kept finding myself in.

"We'll work this out." I said looking at him as he gripped his hands in mine.

I creeped out the bed landing my feet on the warm carpet in Jay's room. We've been home for the pass 3 hours but I couldn't sleep. Alot was running through my mind as I thought about the words Jay released in my ears.

I softly creeped into the closet, pulling out the empty suitcase on the shelf. I started collecting a few Jay's shirts, pants, coats and shoes throwing them inside the bag without thinking.

As I reached up to grab his pair of timberlands my hands was stopped in mid-air. I turned around as my nerves over came me.

"What are you doing Bey?" He asked confused.

"I'm fixing this Jay. We're going to LA and we are going to tell my father exactly how we feel, as one." I said trying to convince him as much as myself.

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Sorry for my tardiness guys, my college semester is soon over and exams are creeping up on me. So I've been studying and putting in alot of practice.