The CARTERS- Book 1 {COMPLETED}

Chapter 9- Its A Hard Knock Life

"So how's your relationship with your father?"

"My dad left when I was still young. Mama and dad raised 4 kids. 2 girls and 2 boys. After my Pa's brother passed away he just  became a shell of man. My mama struggled to make life after dad became down. He was a good father while he was around tho'. Mama always talked about him still being around and out here in New York but I never saw him and I doubt he would approach me."

Since the award show Jay and I had decided to become friends instead of just people who you pass in the studio. We spoke on the phone alot. Mama and Dad decided to head back to Houston to settle the suing issues with Tavy and Toya, so he sent my uncle out here to NYC where we were.

"So I guess your dad's departure caused you into the drug life uh?"  I responded through the phone while smile in my hotel room rolling around the bed.

"I guess you can say that. Ma worked so hard to survive so when I came in contact with some fast money I took the bait and decided to keep it moving. Ma could have used the money and I could of used the clothes and a few bills. I don't regret my time in the dealing game tho'. It was quite smooth out there. You got any girl you wanted once you flipped out a few hundreds and fiftys thats just how it goes."

"I guess that explains why you get around alot." It was an awkward silence for a minutes, until I spoke up suspecting relationships must of been a hard thing to go through with him. "So have you given a real relationship a try?"  I finally said.

"Yea. There was this girl Trina I met while in the streets. She was in highschool. She stood with me until around 1997. It was a fair relationship. I used to come around her block a few times to just see her walk home from school. I then got close with brother and grandmother and I helped out whenever she wasn't around. It was fair game for a while. When she turn 18 & was well of age I decided to get with her."

Listening to Jay talk about his relationship made me somewhat jealous for some reason. Falling for him wasn't an option; because his past would be unacceptable to my family and his career and what goes on was to much for me. I didn't need to experience another break-up and his name just screamed infidelity to me.

"At about 3 months into our relationship I introduced her to my mama. I liked her and thought she was a pretty decent girl. So why not. But a guy can't help to admit he had insecurities. I knew I wasn't anyone first choice or even someones choice so it was okay with me. Then I found out she was talking to someone else but I didn't bothered. We had a good run tho'. We stayed together for about 5 years on and off. After my big break out album she came around full circle."

I was Jay's friend, I didn't think anything about a relationship but I still wanted to know everything possible about him.

"So why did it ended? Wait. Hold up. Is that the girl in your music video for "Can't Knock The Hustle?" Shouldn't she be the victim in all of this?"

"She was no victim. We broke up the early part in 1997. We had a few fun times tho'. I am not afraid to say I have huge lips, a big nose, I am not the cutiest guy for any girl but I will always be the friend a girl needs to fuck late at night, call when their men aint home, and as time go on and I get richer every girl would wanna be attached to me to get a few bills. Money can make any guy attractive no matter what. You aint gotta love me but you would just want a fuck and a few dollars afterwards."

Jay opening up to me made me feel a little more connected to him. I felt a little bit more closer to him than I expected.

"Wow. So children, marriage a family is not in your future at all?"

The way he spoke about his past relationship made me feel some type of way. I was kind of afraid of what could happen if something between us just spark and my life ends up like another baby mama.

"Marriage is a no no. I already told you before ma'. I am not gonna get in a relationship with some girl and then in the next 2 years we end up divorced because she no longer wants me or feel disconnected to me anymore. I can see myself with kids but as for now there isn't anyone possible who would want a relationship with me. Nevertheless kids and knowing where I stand I knew how my life would be. From the get go."

Jay and I talked for about another 3 hours. It was refreshing, we spoke from after 10pm until 2am about everythug and anything. Our conversation arranged from his past, his music, his current dealings, the amount of women he slept with and how much money he blows on a daily base, what he does for his mama and family, his plans after retirement and how much his past helped him presently.

I woke up the next morning to the beautiful NYC sun dancing on my face. It was Wednesday in NYC and we had the entire week of. Something about Jay kept getting my attention. I tried to figure out if it was my heart or if it was my conscious feeling bad for him. A smile came across my face as I recalled lastnights conversation. Everything about him felt right. His voice, his honesty. Kelly and I were supposed to meet up together to go shopping in the city with Michelle but unfortunately Kelly got caught with a guy she was apperantly in love with. So I was stucked in my hotel room alone.

As I rolled out my hotel bed I headed towards the balcony to survey the beautiful view I had. As I tilted my head downwards I saw a beautiful couple. They looked about the age of 30-35. They looked as though they came to celebrate some type of annivesary here. My mind started recalling all the dreams and hopes I had for Lyndell and I. But realizing he admitted his cheating I would of looked like a fool to stay with him especially after the way he talked to me.

The hotel phone rang bouncing my thoughts back to reality. I starred at the phone for a few seconds trying to get myself together as I wiped a tear that had escaped my eye. After about the 3rd ring I finally decided to answer the phone.

"Hello?"

"Hey Bey, Its Rodney can you come by the studio real quick?"

"Um sure I just need to let my uncle know. What time we pushing for?"

"About 10, its after 8 now so to be here on time leave before 9:30am."

"Okay am about to get dressed now so I'll be on time."

The conversation ended as I sat by the telephone for a few minutes. I wanted to call Jay just to hear his voice but him admitting his insecurities to me made me felt like he probably had some chick lingering in his bed. 

After my uncle agreed I messaged Kelly to let her no I was heading there, while Michelle and Farrah made used of the hotel. As I got inside the studio I spot JayZ from a mile away but saw him holding a girl by the waist. It didnt upset me but to wonder he spent all night/morning on the phone with me and manage to pick up something else so quickly made me wonder how fast he moved through girls. As I walked heading towards the studio door that was a few steps away from him he caught my attention as he tilted his head my way. As I raised my head our eyes met and he gave me a small smile while biting his lips. I opened the door quickly entering and found Rodney listening to a few beats. I came up behind him hugging him tightly seeing thats its been over 2 weeks since we last saw eachother. As I sat next to Rodney holding his waist the studio flung opened and in came JayZ with a confused expression as pulled his head back.

As I saw JayZ close the door behind him I released my arms from Rodney's. I looked at JayZ, feeling guilty for some unknown reason.

"What Up Jigga?" Rodney said as they embraced in a one arm hug.

"Everything cool my nigga whats cracking for the day?" Jay replied, while moving his eyes from Rodney to mines.

"Just called up Bey to hear a few beats and some lyrics that guy 50 cent left here. He trying to get her on featured." He said smiling as he looked my way.

"Me? OMG! Thats awesome. Like he wants me solo on his record." I said excited by the news.

"Out of all persons fifty? Wow wonder if he really wants your voice or just you?" JayZ said looking a little bit pissed.

Hearing news about 50 cent waiting me on a record made me felt great to no that rappers were starting to acknowledge me; but after hearing JayZ words I kind of took the record more seriously as I wondered if it was my voice or my body he actually was attractive to.