The CARTERS- Book 1 {COMPLETED}

Chapter 86- Resentment? This Feeling.

Beyonce POV

I sat around the marble kitchen island in my NYC apartment as I grasp my hands around the champagne bottle shoving the liquid down my throat. Its been a rough day and I just wanted to be alone.

I starred at my cellphone as I watched Jay's name pop up on the screen for the 13th time in the pass hour.

"I Just want to be left alone! Fuck!" I screamed at the phone.

I slide down from the tall stool grabbing a bag of cookies and chips in one hand and the champagne bottle in another. I walked down the hall of my lonely apartment as I absorb the quiteness. My life was moving so fast, just a few years ago I was dancing around a hotel room with my childhood friends, then I was throwing away my virginity to a hometown lover who cheated on me, then I was fighting a law suit with my former bandmates, trying to protect my good name against music industry whore men who just wanted to fuck, then I fell for a rapper 12 years older than me, brought out a solo album, reinvented DC3, then I lost me best friend and now struggling to hold onto a greedy, sucking, money hungry family.

It was all moving to fast and I just wanted it to end. The more I try to avoid what I was feeling the worst it became, and I was feeling like my 16 year old self again. Depressed!

It wouldn't be right if I dragged Jay into this. Having to deal with a fragile woman who is just his girlfriend so I had decided to take a few days to myself.

I closed the room doot and just glances and the bright lights shuffling through NYC beautiful sky. It was basically everyone's dream but mines was a curse in disguise. I have given every bit of my life to my career, my family and the same old friends but maybe there's time for a change.

I awoke to the sweet sound of quiteness in my own apartment. It was good, atleast I think so. Being alone while feeling depressed wasn't a very good idea but I had to admit, I don't like putting my problems on others and I don't like the world in my business.

I rolled out of bed and jumped in the shower. Instead of messing around today I decided to tidy up a bit and maybe work on some ideas for the new album. Since Jay was about to drop his album this year and tour he wasn't to hype about me doing the same. So professionally, he and I are at a bad place. But like always we can work it out and make things happen.

After showering, I found the fastest thing to make for breakfast and headed back into my room.

It was already 10 am and I had found myself dancing to my own drums. I needed inspiration and music was just right. I moved my body continously to "Smooth Criminal" by the legendary Michael Jackson which quickly shifted to me bawling my eyes out to "Resentment".

My body was giving of a different vibe lately. Nothing in my body felt right. Wither it was my period or just my emotions but I was loving it. It started to effect my music and by 5pm this afternoon my mind was exploding with ideas for this new album. I felt re-birthed, because today I became a whole new woman and music you did that to me.

Jay had an event tonight and afterwards he was going to accompany Rihanna at one of her performance. Before Rihanna and Jay's photo were even taken by paps, I had already recieved a few emails from Angie. Knowing her she was probably right there with Kelly trying to start some shit. So to keep my mind of things I decided to call Rodney. He was my musicial ear and I knew he would be down for it.

"You can not be in your right mind Beyonce. Its 10'oclock at night Bey." Rodney said sleepishly

"I know its creepy but you have to believe in this." I said trying to convince him as much as possible to get out of bed.

"What are you feeling right now?" He asked.

"I want to take a risk, it might be a lot of money and it might be a budget strain on Columbia Records but I want to make a video for every song." I said hoping to recieve some support.