The CARTERS- Book 1 {COMPLETED}

Chapter 30- I Did It My Way

Shawn POV

"Lets not beat around the bush. Where were you all these years?" I said leaning over the table as I starred into my father's eyes. Suddenly I lost all of my appetite.

"Its been hard. I moved about 10-15 minutes away from where we used to live with a woman name Betty. Her and I used to talk and meet up with eachother after work."

"So my mama loving wasn't enough for you uh? Her being there to cook, clean, bare your kids, wash your clothes and give you sex every night wasn't enough was it? Is that you find Betty?"

"Shawn its not about that. I married your mother with intentions to stay I didn't just keep her pregnant. I married her with intentions to stay and make a family."

"So why you went on with Betty?"

"I had friends who were single everyone around me was single. Everyone knew I was married, I was happily married but that didnt stop women from coming it just made me more attractive. I knew I wasn't the first guy anyone would go for and I know you feel that way to but it just happens when you don't think."

"And you didn't even think about the sons you had? How they would have to grow up and who they would have to meet and what demons they would have to face because of you?"

"Shawn, I wasn't man enough to realize what I had. You wanna know when I realized what I had; when I had already walked out. Betty was a good woman, she gave sex whenever, she was cool watching basketball with me, she was cool smoking but she couldn't love mr. She couldn't hug and kiss me without it being forced."

"So why didn't you come back since you were so closed? If you knew my mama loved you and she would've taken you back why didn't you come?"

"Shawn, your mama is a very strong woman & I knew that when I first met her but when it came to love she let it go. She would give her last to the man she loved if he would allow her. I knew when I walked out that house many nights after our arguments she hurt. She cried alot and I knew it but I never bothered to care because I got concerned with my needs and forgot I made a committement. She would've taken me back and thats a fact but how do I step back in when my last child is sixteen and making his own money how can I still tell the woman I hurt I loved her without knowing she cried so many tears because of me."

"How did my mama find you?"

"I had lost the apartment I was in just a few days before she found me. And she was driving home in the night in the car you bought her and I was on the side of the road on the side walk. And she pulled up to her house and I watched her got out the car. She started looking my way and I knew she recognized me. She was about 7 feet away from me before I realized she found me. I guess I had the same scent after all these years because as I started walking away from her she looked at my clothes and smelled it and she called my name. I came up to her and she just hugged me. She took me inside and let me bathe. She washed all my clothes and gave me something to eat. I slept in your bed for about two nights until she offered to pay my rent."

"And you still didn't bothered to come back to your family after all of that? She treated you no different after all those tears she shed and you didn't find it in your heart to sit down and explain things to us? Man thats bullshit."

"Sorry is not gonna take away the pain you feel. Its not gonna mend the imprint that I left on your heart and the genes through your veins. Its gonna take you rising up above me to become better than me. I can't tell you to never break a woman's heart because I did that, I can't tell you to never leave your kids fatherless because I did that too; but I can tell you don't you put your kids through the same things I put through because the pain you feel is unbearable for you"