The CARTERS- Book 1 {COMPLETED}

Chapter 77- I Made It

The smell of vinalla honey invaded my nose as I toss lightly in the hot steamy bath water that was massaging the inches of pain my body was experiencing. I titled my head backwards as I rest it on the edge of the tub soothing away the pain. Slowly I was getting there.

My mind reflected back on last night, how enjoyable it was but yet contained so much emotions. The image of Jay's face flashed in my mind. The way his eyes fill with lust yet with so much anger. As much as I wanted to believe it was possible, I knew sex wasn't going to draw a line through my actions.

The sound of the bathroom alarm beeping broke my concentration as the clock switched to 8:00 AM. Swiping my hands across the bubbles I brought my legs upward enjoying the steam that was overcoming my body.

I know eventually Jay and I would have to talk things out but I wasn't ready, at this point, I was stuck in a situation that I didn't know how to deal with. As my body grew numb, soaking the bath salt and warm into my joint, I started to feel alot better, enabling me to get out the tub. Placing my feet on the towel cold floor I stepped out, reaching for a towel. Wrapping the towel around my body, I moved to the mirror braiding my hair into two big plaits on either sides.

Drying of my body softly, I reached and grabbed my underwear, slipping them on followed by my thigh length soft dress. Twirling around, I notice the hand marks over the back of the thighs that left red prints around them. I have to say I couldn't blame him, he took it out on me the way any man would. Lowering my head I quietly exit the bathroom, turning around quietly to shut the door conscious of not waking up Jay. As I moved towards the closet I stopped in my tracks as I heard a low grunt echo from the direction the bed.

My body froze, not because I was scared but because I was forced to face a problem that I wasn't ready for. Turning to face him, I starred square in his eyes; something looked off. Last night it was lust and anger but today it was disappointment and hurt.

The sun that intruded my apartment windows was the only thing standing in between us. Dreadfully, I moved slowly towards the bed. Walking to my side I hopped in next to him as his back remained towards me.

"Jay?" I spoke breaking the awkward silence that consumed the atmosphere. His body didn't move only his head that shaked side to side.

"I'm sorry Jay. I didn't mean for things to get to this, for us to have a gap between us especially after building such a strong foundation. Its just alot, alot is going on with the group and upcoming album, a movie its alot and I have to be honest. This relationship just was becoming a little bet to much so I had to take a step back." I said lowering my head.

His head pitched up as he turned to face me with a pissed and shocked expression overtaking him.

"Beyonce a relationship isn't a habit where you can leave it for 22 days and expect it to go away or picked back up where it left of. It takes two to be in a relationship and thats something you no. Its not a extra hobby, its not a fling, we are together because at the end of it all we're pushing it for something futher than just you coming NYC for a few days. Its more than that. We already no where we want to be and what we want from each and with eachother " He said sounding pissed.

"You can't just walk away because you think its what everyone will want or because it felt right at the moment. After the DC3 group is done and all the fame is over what will happen then? What will you do then? Its hard and I have to be honest that sometimes I just want to give up too because being with someone on the same level is hard. You one way and I the other but I won't leave if my heart is still in. I won't put you on the back burner because I think its best, if I have something else to focus on, because I know this is where my happiest is, where my pride and joy is." He said facing me as he brought me closer to him.

"Its not easy, its never going to be easy, and I honestly can't accept your excuses because just like we talked through the marriage and children problems we could've done the same thing here. I wouldn't stop you from complaining at the end of the day, your personal life might be different from your business life but if your business life is fucked up then it brings all that stress into your personal life. Honestly, thats why we are here. You keep holding onto something or some people that don't want to be held. You keep fight for a group that has already given up on the war. You are making your life miserable and unhappy because you don't want to lose it, not because you don't feel its right but because you are afraid of what everyone else will have to say. What about you? What do you want? Not what you want that will be right because everyone else will benefit from it but what do what want?"

I starred at the black screen in front of me as I listened to Jay's words float around me. Its was becoming too much. I had to admit I was selfish and I allowed alot of things to go on in my life without addressing them, but honestly, I didn't no any otherway, I didn't care to know another way.

I sat with my head in Jay's chest as I though about everything he said. He wasn't the type to lose his temper or become so pushy and just leave, that I knew but I knew for sure my actions took a toll on him; it took a toll on all of us.

Shawn POV

My season of rest had finally come to end as I walked into the studio room. Its been a while since I last stepped foot in here for my own purpose. The atmosphere sort of reminded me like the first day I layed eyes on Beyoncé. It was like love at first sight and now being able to have it again was like a few nights ago when we made love. I was eager to attempt yet another album, not to just get back in thr game but to shoe how far I've come.

As I survey the keys and music board my mind started to reflect back on how much things has changed. A few years ago working on my first album, I was surrounded by numerous of friends, multiple hoes and bottles of alcohol wearing an over size jersey, new kicks, baseball hat, baggy jeans and hundreds of chains around my neck.

Now I stand alone with only a handful of friends, one woman that I fell in love with and a suit with neck tie. A smile came across my face as I reflected on what a great woman can do to a mam with ambition and dreams.

"HOVA!" A voiced yelled knocking me out of thoughts.

I spinned around to see my friend TY walking in with his son River wrapped in his arms.

"Whats up TY TY?" I said sliding myy hands in his. ''Whats up little man?" I spoke to River rubbing my hands through his head.

"So you back to this side of life uh?" He said motioning his chin to the music board.

"Yea. Its going be interesting. Alot to deal with too."

"Yea. How's Beyonce gonna feel about all this?"

"What you mean?" I asked.

"You know? The music, the girls,the bottles? Its hip-hop you know."

"I know, that doesn't mean I have to bring back the old ways to prove that I am still hip-hop. Besides I can't rap about fucking every woman when I only have one and I can't diss women or wives when I am all for marriage and kids."

"This is going to be interesting. The original OG talking about marriage, love and kids. Wonder if things gonna fall in line for the rest of these players."

"At one point you have to put up the old to have the new right. Can't expect to have a good woman and treat her like you did the others."

"I know. So you two work it out?"

"Lets just say Bey and I will forever be Bey and I. Its just gonna be alot harder to stay that way."

"I'm happy for you man. I just hope she doesn't let things over ride her and just leave you."

"Well work out, besides, its gonna be alot harder for her to get over me than she thinks. Thats what happen when you fall in love with a man with a plan."