The CARTERS- Book 1 {COMPLETED}

Chapter 21- Confessions

As I spoke to Jay I began rolling over my bed to realize how much this man made me happy. I knew within myself that me being with Jay would be just what I needed. I knew how love look but I wanted to feel it. We spoke for about another 2 hours and as a speciality to me he allowed me to listen to some of his new tracks. We just fell right for eachother and I knew he was willing to give me his heart because he already had mines unaware.

I fell asleep after our conversation in sweet sleep and like always I dreamt about him. JayZ filled avoid I had that I was afraid to address. He was my peace and happiness away from my stressful life.

It was soon my birthday and I was about to turn 19. Jay and I had spoken about what I should do but since my age was not 21 he decided that I do something else. I would've wanted him to spend my birthday with me personally but it won't happen. Jay had opened up so much to me over the past few months and I wanted to let him in on my personal struggle.

Mama and Daddy were busy dealing with new customes and daddy was trying to work on our new album. Over the past week alot was coming down on me. I woke up with alot of headaches and I finally decided that seeing a doctor was best.

I hopped out of bed and quickly did my morning grooming. I chose a dark green shirt and some long pants. I throw my wallet, cellphone and room keys in my purse. I ran to Kelly's room to see if she was dress. I knocked on the door and she emerged fully dressed.

"How you feeling Bey?" Kelly asked

"The same way just a bad headache and I had been crying alot." I said with a low tone.

"What? Bey whats going on?" Kelly said with her eyes popping out her head.

We walked towards Michelle room, I knocked and she answered. She was dressed in her night clothes but offered to tag along with us anyways.

"Whats going on Bey? How you doing?" Chelle asked.

"I just got a really bad ache. I mean my time is occupied in some much things right now that I had been overthinking so much. I mean its just alot."

"Bey?" Kelly said holding my shoulders.

"Whats it Kells?"

"Bey I hope your not causing yourself to become depressed."

"Its gonna be or right!"

We headed to the doctor and I was called in. I didnt want to feel awkward so I asked Kelly and Michelle to leave. It wasn't anything serious but my doctor did suggest that I lay of fastfood and worry least. Also for a few weeks my period had been irregular so he suggestted birth control for me.

After leaving the clinic Kelly and I headed down to the shopping market. While there we strolled down the isle talking and picking up a few things.

"So Bey Bey, I noticed while talking to you this morning you mentioned relationships.. Whats going on?"

"What you mean?"

"Bey. You want a man but you are not making yourself avaliable."

"Kelly its okay when someone comes around I will no."

"Bey, you gotta stop worrying about things.. Let your love take flight. Stop being afraid to let yourself be Bey."

"If love is for you it will come. And if your time is right it will be." Michelle said hitting my shoulders

"Thats right Chelle." I said agreeing with a smile.

"Yea but time won't keep you warm nor pleasure you when that horny feeling comes around."

"Yea but time will ensure that the right one is there." Chelle said as I agree.

As we strolled through the isle we gather a few chips, candies and cookies and then headed for water and icecream. After cashing up our stuff separately we headed to the car.

We finally arrived at the hotel and I placed my things down on my bed and rest the ice cream into the refridgerator in the hotel. I switch the television on to USA and started watching Friday. I changed into my pjs and collected my snacks to comfort me. I placed the sheet around me stomach and legs as I comfort myself in laughter.

I tried my best to keep my mind from wondering about all things surrounding my life. It was so stressful and I couldn't wait until my birthday. I watched Friday until I finally alseep.

Today was the day we were heading Houston for my birthday party. I was super excited to finally be turning 19. I got dressed and the driver took Kelly, Michelle and I to Houston. Since it was my birthday Michelle decided to spend the day with me.

We finally arrived in Houston where we were greeted by a group of screaming fans. It was about 3 days until my birthday Sept.4th. All I wanted for my birthday was clothes, a new gucci bag, heels, make-up and Jay's arms around me.

As we pulled into the house Mama and Solange ran to meet us. We took our things out the car and headed inside. We finally got inside where Mama T was tearing the kitchen up. She had fried chicken, peas n' rice, cole slaw, bake macaroni and cornbread piping through the kitchen. It was so refreshing to finally smell a southern cook meal.

Dinner was finally ready and we all sat down to eat. Mama T and Daddy was so clam and collective to everyone in the kitchen but me. I felt an awkward tension between us but I didnt quite no why. After dinner we all washed our plates. Kelly and Michelle went in to their separate room while Mama ensured Solange was in bed.

I went upstairs and changed into my bathrobe removing all my clothes. I switch on my room light and gathered all my night clothes. I walked down the hall way into our bathroom.

As I bend down near the bathroom to secure the drainer I turned around as the slammed with the door knob locking. I became nervous as I saw an angry look on my father's face.

I knew this wasn't gonna be good.