I was torn between two. Accepting the fact the I liked Ashton and finally talk to him or ignore him and hate myself over the fact that I was still in love with Kyle who I haven't talked to in a year and a half. I know which one I should be doing I'm just scared and unprepared.
Besides, Ashton couldn't possibly like me. What's there to like? I was weird and hard to understand, boys didn't have the time or effort for girls like me. It sucked. A true tragedy.
And as tragedies go, they all start with endurance. Which is what I'll be having to do for god knows how long. I'm considering just turning around and going home but my feet don't cooperate as they walk into the American Apparel store, I quietly walk to a rack of clothes. My fingers skimming each product, I curse at myself for forgetting my sunglasses and just realize I'll have to suck it up.
I walk around the store, stalling and not even looking at the clothes. I suck in a breath as I walk up to the cash register, where I see Ashton folding some go backs.
"Um, hey." I mutter biting down on my lip as he lifts his head, his eyes widen a little in surprise. "Kat, what are you doing here?"
"I uh wanted to apologize, for ignoring you for a week... I'm very irrational." I say shaking my head and looking away.
"Your not wearing your sunglasses." He says staring straight at me and I gulp. "Forgot them.." I whisper and he smiles at me. "Your eyes look even lighter with the light hitting them." He adds admiring my eyes and I look at him but then look at my hands. "So are we um good?"
"Yeah, want to grab a bite? My shift is over in like two minutes." Ashton says happily and I nod. "Sure." Ashton nods at me and begins walking away from the register, he bumps into another worker of his, a blonde holding a jacket in her hands.
"You left this at my house last night." She chuckles at him and he nods at her. "Thanks Melanie." The same pain I felt for the past umpteenth years comes back and I physically groan, I didn't have a chance with him.
-
"So, how's it been?" Ashton says with his mouth half full. I shrug, playing with a fry. "Nothing, what about you?" I wanted him to tell me about this Melanie girl but at the same time I didn't want to hear about her.
"Workin, drinkin, sleepin. Nothing exciting." He chuckles and I nod. "I think I wanna go back to school." I blurt out, Ashton's eyebrows furrow but then raise with enthusiasm.
"That sounds great! You should!" He says encouragingly and I bite the inside of my cheek trying to stifle a smile. "But I don't know... Not for another year or two.." I mumble.
"What, why not now?" I shrug again and look at Ashton, then back to the fry between my fingers. "I don't even know where to start. It's a process that I don't want to go through, not again anyways." I say, my tongue coming out to swipe my dry lips.
Ashton's eyes stay trained on my face, specifically on my lips and I cough a little to get his attention. "I can help you, with the process and all. Don't worry." He smiles at me and I nod, my teeth nipping at my bottom lip. I was a nervous wreck. With the idea of going back to school and being with Ashton, I felt suffocated.
"I'm going t-to go get some air." I say sliding out of the booth before Ashton can ask why. I speed walk out of the diner and once I'm outside I lean against the wall, closing my eyes and sighing.
What the hell was I doing? Going to school? I wasn't planning on going. Why the hell would I say that. I don't have the time for school and why go when I'll probably just drop out again.
I turn to look back into the diner and there I saw Ashton sitting, staring at me through the window. I should just ditch him and go home. No. I can't. His eyebrows are furrowed as his eyes scan my face from afar. I lean back on the wall and rub my face with my hands, I take in one last breath before walking back into the diner.
When I slide back into the booth Ashton watches me with worried eyes. "You good?" He asks, his hand coming out to touch my arm. My skin instantly flames up. "Mhm." I mumble not meeting his eyes.
"Wanna leave?" He asks and I nod. We both get up and walk out in silence. "I've never seen your house." I blurt out and I instantly look away, what the fuck was wrong with me?
"Oh yeah, well you wanna see it?" He says unlocking his car and I shrug. "It's whatever."
We drive in silence the only noise coming from his car tires driving on the asphalt.
"It's an apartment." Ashton notes as he parks in a parking garage. "Do you live by yourself?"
"For the most part yeah, but sometimes my friends stay over and stuff." He shrugs and I instantly think if one of his 'friends' is that Melanie girl.
"That's cool." I whisper as I unlock my door and climb out of his car, Ashton waits at the boot of the car, a grin on his face.
"I live on the 4th floor." Ashton says walking with his hands in his pockets and I nod. "That's cool."
"Mhm." He responds and we continue our journey in silence.
"This is it." Ashton grins at me as he unlocks his front door. "B69... Did you purposely get this one or...."
"No, it was the only one they had." He chuckles. "But my friends laugh about it so it's whatever." He shrugs and walks into the dark and cold apartment, me following suit.
"Sorry, I like my apartment cold... Makes me want to sleep for ages." He says smiling at me as we continue deeper into his apartment.
"It's nice, I like it." I note, looking around in his living room. "Yeah, I have a dog... Maxie! Come here girl!" He shouts and within a couple seconds a black and white shirt stubby dog jogs up to him then to me.
"She's cute." I add, bending down to pet the dog. "Yeah, I've had her for about 9 years.. Yeah 9 going on 10, pretty intense friendship." He says with a wide grin on his face and I continue to look at the slobbering dog as I try to conceal my smile from Ashton.
"I'd offer you a meal but we ate already... Would you like a tour?" He says with a weird accent and I quietly chuckle and stand up. "Sure."
"Follow me." He says as he turns around and begins walking into the hallway. "Heres a bathroom, very posh." He says opening the door. I nod and continue to follow him.
"Heres my miscellaneous room, it's half office half man cave." He chuckles and I take the time to look around the room. It's decent size, with a wooden desk in the corner a flat screen tv a small leather couch a mini fridge and a movie and CD rack.
"And then over here is my bedroom, it's has a bathroom as well." He adds as we walk into his room, it's actually neat and almost spotless, I didn't expect that.
"Nice and clean." I note and look at him. He nods and we both walk back out. "And obviously you've seen my living room, I have a small balcony with a shit view. And my kitchen is kind of small but it's all I need." He chuckles and throws himself into his couch.
"You can sit down." He says with a smile on his face as I realize I'm weirdly standing in his living room. "Right." I mumble and join him on the couch.
"So the weekend is coming up, any plans?" He asks looking at me and I look at his dog that is now between us. "Might have a few drinks with two of my friends... What about you?"
"Nothing really, I was going to see if you wanted to hang out actually." He chuckles and I lift my gaze to his but then drop it to his dog again.
"You can come if you want." I shrug even though my heartbeat is at least increased by a few more beats. "I don't want to intrude."
"You won't, Lewis usually brings a few of his guy friends and Jessie is most of the time latched onto her girlfriend." I say hoping I didn't sound too desperate.
"Well if you don't mind, I'd love to go." Ashton says and I look up to see him smiling at me and just then did I realize how good his smile looks on him.
