Always Here: A Jay Halstead fanfic

Chapter Sixty Six

Harper walked out of the massive bathroom in their room with a black satin dress with  criss-crossed straps for the back and Jay was floored. The earrings complimented her eyes beautifully. He knew she was beautiful but every time she dolled herself up he was sure he died a little on the inside. Her lips were painted red and most importantly she looked confident, the same way she was in her usual t-shirt and jeans.

"You ready?" Harper asked, pretending to straighten Jay's tie while his hands found her waist to steady himself. "Yeah," Jay gulped. Harper shivered as she felt his warm hand on the bare skin of her back. "You spent a while in Mouse's office," Jay commented as they sat down at their table, trying to spot Roger.

"I did," Harper said, while Jay raised his brow, knowing there was more to it than that. "I will find out what you guys talked about," Jay joked. Harper giggled before leaning in, "Don't look now but he's at 3'o'clock," she whispered before smirking while Jay nodded. "So..." Jay started off, while Harper looked at him quizzically. "Heard this hotel has a club and swimming pool, maybe if we get lucky we'll be able to put them to good use," Jay winked while Harper shook her head, grinning, looking down to hide the blush covering her face.

"What did Voight say?" Jay asked, while Harper shook her head, smiling. "He just told us to be careful," she said, squeezing Jay's hand from across the table. "How are you not scared of him?" Jay asked, the color draining from his face at the thought of being called into Voight's office. "Hank's like a father to me, he's not scary at all," Harper defended but the smirk on her face made it evident that she was enjoying how scared Jay was way too much.

"I wish you knew more of the Hank I knew," Harper mused while Jay smiled at her. "Are we really going to talk about Hank all night? Jay said with a smirk, while Harper squeezed his hand hard, warningly. Her lips that were painted in the most seductive red broke out into a smile, showing off her pearly white teeth. She twirled a dark strand of hair between her fingers, they didn't have to act like they were having a good time because they were.

They finished dinner and stood up, Roger brushed past them and stared Harper down like a vulture, so predatorial, Harper squirmed uncomfortably under his gaze. He smirked at her before leaving, and Harper's eyes clouded as she thought about where she had felt the same predatory gaze on her in the past, when she had sex with Jimmy and his friends to keep food on the table in her house, what she had let happen to--. "Hey, hey," she heard Jay's voice in the distance, his cool hand touching her cheek, trying to bring her back. "You good?" he asked, his hand coming up to rub up and down her arm.

"Y--yeah," she said, letting her head fall to his shoulder as they walked out. "Did you see that?" Harper asked, alluding to the way Roger looked at her. "Yeah, he's a son of a bitch," Jay pointed out, tensing as he thought about how Roger had looked at her. He opened the door to their room, waiting for her to walk in, shrugging off his blazer and unbuttoning his shirt, Harper walked into the bathroom, quickly changing and taking off her makeup before joining Jay on the bed who was watching TV.

She sat next to the hot detective in nothing but a pair of sweatpants, he turned off the TV turning to face her, worried about her, she looked at him quizzically, "What happened at the restaurant?" he asked, referring to the way she acted after Roger looked at her, she was used to being touched and looked at by animals like Roger so he didn't know what happened.

"Nothing," she said and the look Jay directed towards her called her out on all her bullshit. She sighed, knowing she wouldn't be able to lie about this, "He reminded me of someone, it just...caught me off guard" she whispered and Jay looked down at her nodding, waiting for her to continue. She was trying to dismiss it, brush him off but he wasn't going to let that happen, let her have to deal with problems like that on her own. He wasn't letting her off the hook that easily.

"Who did it remind you of?" Jay asked, calmly. Harper looked up at him, letting out a shuttered breath. The tone in his eyes was one of care and support, it was the same one he looked at her with when she shared something about her painful past. She hated talking about her past, that's always why she brushed him off after everything that happened with Lily and Emily, the pictures that Jay had found.

She hated explaining the things that would forever haunted her in words. And she was afraid that if someone knew everything about her, they wouldn't respect her. She thought they would think she was a pitiful, lowlife, addict whore just like her mother. She was sure she wouldn't be seen as a badass detective. She absolutely despised talking about the situations that she had worked her ass off to get out of. But she didn't have a choice, Jay had trusted her with his pain so many times, they were partners, they were supposed to trust each other.

He had shared so much about himself, she had to give him something. He was the only reason she was here and not doing drugs, he was the one that made her pull herself out of that addict life a second time when Lily was murdered. He had been there for her, always, more than anyone. He was the reason she had tried so hard to clean herself up and get her shit together after Lily died, it was one of the biggest turning points in their relationship.

"The way he looked at me...was just like Jimmy...that guy from the club...I never wanted to be with him...but my sisters needed me to put food on the table and pay for the water and electricity...my friend and I used to get paid to do stuff with him and his friends'' Harper explained, knowing Jay wanted more than that, walking up to the massive window and looking out of it, composing herself.

"It's not what you think, I didn't go that far but it was so twisted, my friend Amanda and I were only 15," she whispered. "Apparently, Amanda was involved in more than just what we were doing, she was a full on prostitute. She was a mess, her family was a mess and they took advantage of that. I could--never let myself do that with someone but I did get close. When we were 17, Amanda decided she wanted to quit and go to college and she told them--and I--the next day I found her in front of my house--covered in bruises and blood--she was alive and there was a gun in her hand, I had come back from the hospital after Hank had saved me and gave me his card--I hadn't talked to my parents or Lily and I tried to call an ambulance--but she," Harper swallowed looking down until she felt the familiar warmth of Jay's strong hand on her shoulder.

She looked up at Jay's gentle but concerned expression, "What happened?" Jay asked, nothing but care and support in his eyes. She closed her eyes tight, so maybe she wouldn't feel the familiar sting in her eyes and burn in her throat, "She brought the gun up to her head and killed herself--I remember trying to reason with her, but she did that--what Jimmy's friends did to her was that bad--I tried to stop the bleeding but deep down I knew she was dead, she wasn't coming back and I had her blood on my hands,--her body in my front yard--no one was home--so that's when I called Hank and that was the last I ever saw of that life, besides after Lily died," Harper explained.

She breathed in deeply, "So when he looked at me that way, I thought of Amanda and what I had let happen to her," she whispered, hoping that she wouldn't have to talk about any more things like that. There was no way in hell she was going to cry about this. Jay turned her around, wrapping his arms around her tightly as she swallowed the lump in her throat and let go of the breath she had been holding.

Jay leaned back, bringing his hand to her face, letting his thumb rub over her cheekbone as she leaned into his touch, he hugged her once more before leading her to the bed where they sat down and Jay turned on the TV. She felt him shift, wrapping his arm around her petite body and bringing her closer into his chest, he knew her well.

He knew that if he had asked her anything else, she would shut down so he glanced down at her once more before refocusing his attention to the TV, letting his mind wander to her occasionally. He felt angry more than anything, she didn't deserve any of that and most of all, he hated the way she blamed herself.