Always Here: A Jay Halstead fanfic

Chapter Forty Six

It was Thursday, Christmas Eve, they had just finished work. That week had been good, Harper and Jay had gotten their rhythm back during a raid and they had also pulled a damn good disarm together. Harper felt like, slowly, she was pulling herself out of the hole she had dug for herself and she was happy doing it with Jay's help.

"Hey, do you want to go to Molly's tonight?" Jay asked, Harper. She paled, she didn't think she could handle being around the alcohol again, she hadn't even thought about going to Molly's in a while, she didn't need that, she didn't need the chance to make bad choices.

"Jay, I don't--I can't, I just--I'm not ready" she stuttered, embarrassedly. "Okay we can just stay home" Jay said. "What? No, Jay you should go, it's Christmas Eve, don't you love Christmas? You should be with your friends" she said. "You are my friend, Harper and I don't care that much about Christmas anyway, my mom used to make a big deal about it when Will and I were younger but when she died it stopped" Jay explained. "You don't have to do this," Harper said. Did she not realize how much she mattered to him? "

No, Harper I want to be here for you why can't--" Harper interrupted him, "No, I know what Voight said to you, you don't need to be my babysitter, you don't need to buy me decaf coffee, you don't need to keep an eye on me at all times, you don't need to spend your Christmas worrying about me and you certainly don't need to sacrifice things you like to do" Harper said, angrily, she hated how Voight and Jay were keeping her on a short leash.

"I feel like a teenager again, I feel like I'm seventeen years old, coming down from a high, and you guys think that I'm going to jump at every chance to get drugs, I don't blame you for wanting to make sure I don't do that, but I don't need you to babysit me either" she said, eyeing daggers at him.

She wanted Jay, she loved him but she couldn't stand watching him give up things that made him happy because of her, she knew he was here for her and she was trying to allow herself to depend on him but it was hard. "It's not like that, we made a promise, remember? I trust you, I know you won't do drugs, but I just want to be with you. And I'm not sacrificing anything if everything that matters to me is right here" Jay admitted out loud, he didn't care about embarrassing himself by saying that, Harper needed to know how much she mattered to him.

Harper's breath hitched in her throat at his words, "I'm sorry for not keeping my promise when you kept yours" Harper said, softly. Jay shook his head, "I've broken our promise before too, all that matters is you're here now" Jay said, his blue eyes shining as he looked at her. Harper smiled at him, her green eyes shining in understanding.

"Let's get changed and then we can watch one of those stupid chick flicks you love" Jay said, breaking the comfortable silence that had befallen them. "They're not stupid" Harper scoffed. "And I caught you watching them one night when I was getting a glass of water," Harper said, smirking. It was true, sometimes Jay couldn't fall asleep so he spent the whole night watching TV, she had caught him watching Clueless. 

"That was the only thing on" Jay defended himself. "Sure," Harper said, walking into her bedroom and changing. Jay actually thought it was adorable that a tough, badass detective like Harper liked chick flicks.