Always Here: A Jay Halstead fanfic

Chapter Seventy Five

He was sure his heart stopped, when he saw her collapse in his arms, he didn't even know what made him catch her, he was frozen in place, until his instincts took control, "Harper? Harper can you hear me?" he asked, she had just been talking to him, Al had already called for an ambo and Jay just stood there dumbfounded, Harper was still in his arms and Al had to gently remind him to set her down, he did so, keeping his hand under her head so it wouldn't hit the ground, his heart beating erratically. He stood, looking down at his partner's tiny body, the one that put criminals away on a daily basis, her strong hands that fit in his perfectly were now limp and cold, there were a thousand things going through his mind right now.

He was angry at himself that he didn't put up enough fight to make her not go and meet Roger, but he was more concerned about Harper. He pushed his feelings aside because his only focus was Harper, he prepared himself for the sad, withdrawn girl instead of his passionate, lively partner. It frustrated him that every time she slipped, he had to find a new way to get through to her, but he would gladly do it until the end of time if it meant having someone like her in his life.

When she was loaded into the ambo, it was all a blur, but he still remembered how sickening it was watching the toughest person he knew being loaded into an ambo. He barely remembered getting in the car with Antonio and Mouse to go to the hospital. He was concerned that all of this would set back all the progress they had made, that she would run away again, that he wouldn't be able to get through to her.

He felt numb as he heard the nurses asking Voight if she had any allergies, previous health conditions, it was still unbelievable. She had to be okay. He appreciated the nurse's effort to console him but he knew he would have no relief until he could see that Harper was okay, until he knew she was back at his side, watching his back like he watched hers, where they both belonged.

He had paced the waiting room for thirty minutes but it felt like hours on end, fighting with the images in his brain of finding her like that, thinking she was fine and the cruel way the universe had taken that from him in a heartbeat. He hated the feeling of not being in the know, he hated the feeling of not knowing if she was in good hands because they weren't with the doctors at med, he knew Harper would be okay, he knew it was probably just a concussion but he didn't know how she would react, he knew by the look in her eyes, Roger had gotten all in her head, but he would rather take that than the other possibility of what could have happened and how it could have all turned out.

Everyone in the unit, tried to approach him and tell him to sit down, he appreciated their efforts, but it didn't feel right. And then there was Voight, he was taking the blame for this as heavily as Jay was, he stood unmoving in a corner, drilling holes into the wall with his eyes. The doctor finally came in, "She had a concussion, but there are no bleeds, she should wake up in thirty minutes, the nurse can tell you what room she's in," he offered, before running to go take care of more patients. It made Jay slightly angry, the way the doctor had treated her like a case, the way the doctor had completely disregarded their concern for Harper, but Jay stood down, acknowledging the fact that Harper was just another patient for the doctor, she wasn't the amazing woman that had picked him up when he was having his darkest days, she wasn't the doctor's best friend, she wasn't the doctor's partner.

He looked up at Voight, all he wanted to do was run in there, see that Harper was okay, feel that Harper was okay, but he respected Voight for his place in Harper's life and waited for what Voight decided. Voight gestured for Jay to come with him and Jay immediately got up, surprise that Voight cared that much about the fact that he was Harper's partner, and Jay realized why Voight had been so hesitant about letting him and Erin date, he didn't see them together, he didn't see their connection, but he saw it with Jay and Harper, he knew they wouldn't fuck up.