Always Here: A Jay Halstead fanfic

Chapter Thirty

He gently opened Harper's door and his heart cringed at the sight of her crying, her tears had soaked her shirt and her eyes were bloodshot. "I'm sorry, I'm so sorry Harper, we made a promise, I--just, I'm sorry" Jay said pulling her closer, she didn't pull away, she actually leaned into his touch because in that moment she needed him.

"I care about you Jay, I care about you a lot, I care about you as much as Terry's wife cared about Terry, and I know you deserve better than me but right now I'm all you have" Harper said softly, in between sniffles. Jay's heart sank. Harper wasn't upset that he had yelled at her, she was upset because she thought he didn't think she cared about him. Jay swallowed the lump in his throat.

"Harper, I didn't mean it, I didn't mean what I said, I don't deserve you, I know you care about me and I care about you too, I'm so sorry" Jay said, his voice cracking as he said his last few words before pulling her closer into his lap, as he felt tears rolling down his cheeks and more tears rolled down Harper's face as she cried against his chest.

"I don't want you to apologize Jay, just let me be here for you, talk to me or get help, that's what our promise was about in the first place" Harper said, as she tightened her arms around Jay. After a few moments, Jay broke the silence "I don't know what I would do without you, thank you for being here" Jay said against her hair, reading his thoughts aloud.

In that moment he wanted to kiss her, tell her it was going to be alright, take away her pain, but he couldn't not right now he told himself, as he laid down. It was the middle of the day, but both of them were exhausted. "I know part of me will always feel guilty, I've come to terms with it, I'll be okay, as long as I have you" Jay said softly.

Harper's breath hitched in her throat at his words, she snuggled into him resting her head on his chest. "You'll always have me Jay. Always" Harper said as Jay pulled her closer. They had cuddled like this before, but this time just felt more intimate, closer, like another wall had been broken down in their relationship bringing them closer to each other.

As long as I have you, those words reverberated in Harper's mind over and over again, she didn't think that he trusted her that much, she had never thought someone could confide in her like that, she had always been so convinced that she was bad news. Jay was thinking about how lucky he was to have someone in his life who no matter what, was always there for him. Their thoughts came to complete stop as they both fell into a dreamless sleep, wrapped in each other's arms.

At around 5 in the evening, they woke up, limbs still tangled together. Harper groaned, burying her face in Jay's chest, without even thinking, as she saw the sunlight flooding through the window, burning her eyes. Then, the events from before came rushing in, and she couldn't help but smile: her and Jay were going to be okay.

She knew she shouldn't be doing this to herself, getting close with the someone she was in love with, she knew it would blow up in her face, she knew it would go wrong like everything in her life, but she needed Jay and Jay needed her.

When Jay noticed that she was awake he smiled, "Hey sleeping beauty" he said softly pulling her closer, she knew that he had meant nothing by his comment but it still made her heart flutter. "I didn't know it was possible for you to wake up before me" Harper said laughing to herself as Jay shook his head.

 "Anything is possible, Detective Sky" Jay said slyly with a smirk making Harper bite her lip. Jay looked down at her and noticed her hand, his expression softened "Are you going to tell me what happened to your hand? This looks pretty bad" Jay said, taking her hand in his and running his thumb over her bruised, cut up knuckles, gently.

"I punched a locker last Saturday because I was mad," Harper said, looking up at Jay slightly embarrassed, from her spot on his chest as he nodded, not saying anything else about it. "How's everyone at work?" Jay asked, even though it was only a week, he had missed playing around with Adam and Kevin and he missed Antonio scolding them for acting like total idiots. "They're all fine, they miss you" Harper said.

"Who was your partner last week?" Jay asked. "He partnered me up with Erin and Kim, Kim's great but I can't really stand being around Erin" Harper wasn't the type of girl to gossip about other people and she didn't want to talk shit about Jay's ex around him, but she couldn't lie to Jay.

Jay laughed, "I feel bad for you" he said smiling dopily as he looked down at her. "I can't wait for you to come back, this Monday" Harper said as she got up from her bed, stretching, "What do you want for dinner?" she asked Jay, she was down with having almost anything for dinner, she was so hungry since she had barely eaten anything the whole week.

Jay had already gotten up grabbing his phone, "I'll order it" he said, even if it was something small, he wanted to make Harper's life easier after all he had put her through that week. Once he got off of his phone, Harper smiled, looking into his beautiful blue eyes that were now bright and filled with light, "I missed you Jay" she said softly.

Jay's heart didn't sink like it did the first time she had told him that because him and Harper were going to be okay, he still had her, she was still there for him, knowing the sweet truth, he looked into her glassy green eyes and replied, "I missed you too Harper" and he meant it, he couldn't even handle a day without her, who was he kidding when he thought he could handle a week without her?

They were both smiling, Harper walked to the kitchen to get plates and utensils for when their food arrived and she felt genuinely happy. Erin coming back hadn't set back their progress, Terry's death hadn't set back their progress, she knew there were still so many more bumps in the road but she knew they would get through them together.

"I'm going to dinner with Hank tomorrow night," Harper said as her and Jay ate dinner together that night. "Oh, that'll be good for you" Jay said truthfully as Harper smiled. "Terry's wife is moving to live with her parents, she called me this morning" Jay said as Harper nodded. Both of them spent the rest of the night catching up with each other on what they had missed the past week.