Always Here: A Jay Halstead fanfic

Chapter Twenty Seven

Terry's wife didn't tell him to go to hell and throw stuff at him. But that didn't make it any better for Jay, he had seen how distraught she was, how pained she was that the love of her life had died. It hurt even more when she gave Jay the letter, Terry's acceptance letter for the police academy. Terry had a future, you didn't, everyone would be better off if it was your body in a casket Jay thought to himself as he drove to the apartment he shared with Harper.

Once he got there, he saw that she was waiting at the table, he didn't want to talk to her, he didn't deserve her, he didn't deserve to get lost in her beautiful eyes or the sound of her laughter after what had happened, after what he did.

"Hey" Harper said. "Hey, can you---Can you come with me to Terry's funeral tomorrow?" Jay asked tiredly, he didn't deserve her but she was here anyway and god knows he wasn't in any condition to go to a funeral like that by himself.

"Yes, of course" Harper said, before she could even ask how he was feeling, or what the paper in his hand was, he said "I'm tired, I'm going to bed" before walking to his room. The only thing he felt now was guilt, how dare he escape with only a gash on his cheek while Terry was in a casket?

Who was she kidding? She didn't even need to ask Jay how was feeling to know how he felt she thought to herself as she observed his demeanor. Right now, she was just glad that she wasn't planning Jay's funeral, she was glad he was still with her. She knew it could have easily been her in Terry's wife's shoes.

Even though she wasn't pregnant with Jay's baby or even dating him for god's sake, Harper knew she cared about Jay just as much as Terry's wife had cared about Terry. Maybe it was selfish of her to be happy that it wasn't Jay, but she needed Jay in her life because she would be lost without him.

Harper was grateful Hank had listened to her and made Jay take medical leave. After they had solved the case, Voight had asked her to come to his office, he had asked her if his head was in the right place.

Harper had told him it wasn't, that Jay wasn't in any condition to go to work next week, she had told Hank that Jay still needed to come to terms with what had happened. All of that was true, but Harper knew that Jay may not even open up to her, despite the promise they had made.

She would just have to hope that Jay would trust her with his demons, with his feelings. She would have to convince Jay that it wasn't his fault. Now, she knew what Jay felt when he saw her drinking away her feelings or when she wouldn't open up to him. She would have to try to take away his pain. There was one problem, she didn't know how to.