J-Hope's POV
"Are you alright?" She asked me out of nowhere.
I looked back at her and smiled. "Of course I am."
"Hmm. Sinungaling." Sabi niya and then she pouted.
"Dahil ba kay Jinny?" She started asking but I want to tell her no. Looking at Jinny dating Suga? Hindi naman pala ganun sa inaasahan kong sakit yung nararamdaman ko ngayon. I really thought I was inlove all along with Jinny but..
Joy always popped up in my mind and..
Seeing her with another guy, is much more painful than my supposed to be feelings for Jinny.
"Just hang in there." She whispered to me. "Just few hours more." She added and held my hand for comfort. Akala niya siguro it's all about Jinny. Pero kahit ako rin, hindi ko inaasahan na it will all be about her instead.
I just wanted to look at her all the time and tell her honestly what I am feeling just like the old times, but there's this feeling that always shows up, natatakot ako, dahil pakiramdam ko may nag iba na sa amin, at kapag sinabi ko pa to? I think mas lalala pa. Seeing how being different she is now. It's killing me, alongside with the feelings I've been keeping to her.
The music started playing and God I wanted to ask my bestfriend for a dance. Kumuha ako ng lakas para tanungin siya at ayain siyang sumayaw. But when I was ready enough to ask her, I lost the chance. Naunahan na ako ni Namjoon hyung eh.
Since the day she admitted her feelings to me, I became wary of everything else, including my own feelings. I started to question myself kung talaga ngang totoo yung nararamdaman ko para kay Jinny and all everything else.
I became hesitant for the first time in my life.
And it goes on, the uncertainty inside of me continued in a way I never expected it. Lalo lang lumala nung mga panahon na napalayo siya sa akin, at napalapit naman sa iba.
As much as I want to tell myself I'm just imagining things..
I'm really getting jealous of her going with some other guy.
Not just a bestfriend,
but something else more.
And I hate myself for feeling this just now.
Pinaniwala ko lang ang sarili kong mahal ko talaga si Jinny without realizing the truth na si Joy talaga ang nagbibigay sa akin ng ganitong pakiramdam.
Am I just caught up with the idea of falling in love with someone I thought I wanted?
I wanted to ask her to be my date like the usual. This time, I wanted to treat her so damn special just like any woman deserve. But I don't have the courage to talk. That's why ended up bringing my sister.
Now she smiled at me as she began to hold another hand, which isn't mine.
I wanted to give back that smile of hers, pero hindi ko magawa.
Napansin ata ako ng ate ko. "What now my little brother?" She asked me but I never answered.
"Nagising ka na ba sa katotohanan na si Joy ang mahal mo?"
"How.." I started asking her. "How did you know?"
"Of course, you're my brother, I know you. Simula pa dati, when I saw the two of you together, I knew it na time will come and you will realize, she's the one for you." Sabi ni ate Dawon sa akin habang umiiling. "Natagalan nga lang bago mo marealize na si Joy ang gusto mo."
I remained silent. "What will I do now sis?" I really don't know what will happen to these feelings now. "If I told her I love her now, she might had a change of heart, baka hindi na ganun yung nararamdaman niya sa akin."
"What!?" She asked surprised. "Umamin na siya sayo!?"
I nodded in response. But she shook her head. "Kaya ka ba natauhan kasi nakikita mong napapalapit na siya sa iba?"
Tumango ako sa kanya.
"My my brother, I didn't knew you were THAT dense." Sabi niya sa akin at natawa.
"Eotteoke?" I asked her once more as I look at Joy who is now dancing with Namjoon hyung. I can see she's really having a good time. She's smiling and not because of me.
"Does that really hurt?" Tanong niya sa akin sabay turo sa puso ko.
I nodded. "Mas masakit pa sa inaasahan kong sakit."
"Then it would be worth the risk." Sabi ni ate Dawon at ngumiti. "Believe me. If you let it worsen, mas sasakit pa yan."
"The more the pain it gives you, the more you have to fight for it. Nasasaktan ka kasi mahal mo talaga, and I think that reason alone, is enough for you to risk the pain you have."
Joy, has always been worth of my pain.
