Heara's POV
"I'll just get something in the car.."
I survived that awkward moment with Taehyung! Yas! T__T
I nodded in response. Patapos na rin kasi kami. Kaya nagready na ako ng mga plates para pagbalik niya kumain na kami.
I looked at the foods. Mukhang sobrang sarap. May talent pala siya eh. Even with plating ang galing niya. Parang binili lang sa resto eh.
Pero talaga! Yung kaninaaaaa! Aishhh!
So he thought of.. of.. kiss--.
Haist! Erase erase! Wag kang umasa Heara!
But my heart is in rapid beating until now..
[Fastforward]
Nasa sala kami ngayon at nagkukuwentuhan.
"Your home is very quiet." Taehyung commented.
"Paanong hindi? Eh ako lang mag isa dito. Hahaha."
Yung mukha niya biglang sumeryoso. "You're alone here? Where's your family?"
I gave him a sad smile. "I've got none.."
"What are you saying? Of course you have."Sabi niya and I saw him clench his jaw.
"Before, I guess. But now, all I've got is myself. Hehe." I'm making the atmosphere light. Ayokong umiyak sa harap niya.
"You wanna cry right?" Sabi niya sa akin. Hindi na ako makatingin sa kanya. He is right. Everyday, gustong gusto kong umiyak. Pero hindi pwede kasi kailangan kong magpakatatag. "Cry now."
Hindi ko na napigilan. I miss my family so damn much. At ngayon mag isa lang ako. "I really miss them you know.. Sobra.."
"Where are they? They should be here with you.."
"My mom passed away when I was a kid. Dad.. Si dad naman, He left. Pupunta lang dito kung may kailangan. Yung mga kapatid ko naman, nasa ibang lugar, nasa grandparents namin. Kaya ayun naiwan akong mag isa dito."
"Bakit di ka na lang sumama with them? Instead of living by your own."
Napailing ako sa sinabi niya. "Alam mo kasi, our family is no ordinary. No one can forgive me.." Sabi ko tapos huminga ng malalim. "My dad is blaming me for mom's death, ganun din sina lola.. And up until now, kahit ang sarili ko sinisisi ko rin sa nangyari. Kung iisipin naman, talagang kasalanan ko eh." I said as I sobbed harder.
"It was my birthday that time, pinilit ko si mom na pumunta sa ocean. It's one of my favorite places. Kaya ayun pinilit ko yung gusto ko.. Tapos things happened. Pero dahil dun sa nangyari, instead na I can feel peace sa ocean, all I feel is pure nostalgia, because it now makes me remember sad memories."
Ngayon wala na akong pakialam kung ano na itsura ko sa harap niya. "Kung hindi ko pinilit si mom na umalis that day.. Hindi sana kami maaaksidente. Kung hindi lang ako prinotektahan ni mom, buhay pa sana siya. Kung buhay sana si mom, di magiging ganito yung pamilya namin. And it's all my fault. I should be the one dead by now.. Hindi si mama.. They should've been all happy right now."
Reliving that day burdened my heart the most. "Kasalanan ko lahat to eh.."
I just felt two strong arms around me. "It's okay.. Iiyak mo lang lahat. I'm just right here."
"I'm sorry.. Everyday I'm just sorry sa lahat. I'm sorry for ruining our family, I'm sorry for killing mom.. I'm so sorry for staying alive.."Sabi ko sabay buhos ng luha ko sa damit ni Taehyung.
"Hushhh.. Heara.. It's not your fault, you didn't killed your mom. And you staying alive is not a mistake either.."He whispered as he hushed me. "Life is sometimes cruel, at wala ka namng ginusto sa mga nangyari eh. So don't think kasalanan mo lahat.."
"Alam mo ang mas mahirap Taehyung?" I asked him while I'm still in tears. "Kahit anong gawin kong pagsisisi araw araw, hindi ko na mababalik lahat. My family won't even look at me. God knows how much I've been feeling guilty over everything. I prayed na being alone in life can lessen my sin. Na kahit papaano, mabawasan yung kasalanan ko kapag mag isa nalang ako.. Kasi sobang hirap mag isa eh. I thought it was enough to pay the price of what I have done. Thinking about it, sobrang hirap. Everyday you wake up, feeling burdened and lonely at the same time. Ang meron ka lang, sarili mo. You need to be strong to survive every another day. Wala kang mapagsabihan ng mga problema mo eh. You've got none but yourself.."
"Sa takot ko na baka maulit lang yung mga nangyari, I avoided people. Kung sino man kasi yung napapalapit at napapamahal sa akin, lagi nalang nawawala. Kaya I never bothered befriending people. Baka masaktan lang sila dahil sa akin eh. At isa pa, hindi ako sanay na nakikisalamuha sa mga tao.. I avoided people to spare me from another heartache and for them to be safe from my cursed life." Hindi ko na mapigilan ang sarili kong umiyak.
"Kaya ikaw.." Sabi ko sabay tawa ng mahina habang yakap niya ako. "Layuan mo na ako ngayon palang.. Haha.."
Binatukan niya ako ng mahina. "Silly.. Now that I know what you are feeling, mas lalong di kita iiwan."
"But you'll be broken.." I audibly whispered.
"Someone already broken, can't be broken again."Sagot niya sa akin. "Kaya let's be broken together." Sabi niya giving me an encouraging smile.
"Mas naiiyak ako sa pinagsasabi mo.." Sabi ko habang pinupunasan yung luha ko at medyo tumawa na. "Pinaiyak mo kasi ako eh. Ayan tuloy.."
"But you feel so much lighter right? "I nodded in response.
"Ikaw lang pinagsabihan ko nito ha. Quiet ka lang."
"Will do. I'm glad you're feeling okay now."
"Sobrang thank you. You were really the first person to see me break down. Thank you for hearing me out. I really appreciated it. Someone finally listened to me.." I said and gave him a real smile. "But I never thought, na yung taong yun ay ang nag iisang Kim Taehyung." I chuckled out.
"You think I'm hella lucky?" Sabi ko sabay iling.. "I just can't believe naglabas ako ng sama ng loob sayo."
"You are!" Sabi niya sabay mahina ring tawa. "But I really think the other way round. I know I'm much more luckier." He added seriously.
"Yeah?" I asked. "Why is that?"
"I just know." Taehyung said and smiled." Alam mo, mas malala naman pala pinagdadaanan mo sa akin eh. Yung akin, it's just some stupid love."
"Ano ka ba. Kahit ano pa man yan, it's still pain after all. Pareho tayong nasasaktan. Iba nga lang ang rason. We're both hurting anyway.." I said as a small smile showed in my lips.
"Do you still love her? I mean.. si Katlyn?" I asked unsure if I should ask him.
"I actually don't know.. Sometimes I miss her so bad, I really do. Pero something's stopping me. I do love her, I guess.. But not with the same intensity I have before. Hindi ko alam. In the very first place, I know in my heart I still love her.. But I'm not sure now.."
"I think kailangan mo na siyang kausapin to settle everything. Hindi naman siya magmamakaawa nang ganun kung hindi ka na mahal eh. And besides she's my friend at nakukuwento ka niya sa akin and how badly she misses you.."
"I guess it's time para ayusin niyo lahat.."
He just replied with a small smile. And didn't talk anymore.
But if he still love Katlyn,
What am I thinking..
She's my friend. I shouldn't be feeling this emotions.
