Carpe Noctem - cash au -

Inside the Absence of Fear

Shawn POV

It is incredibly difficult to watch the person you love, kiss someone else. Ever since our group of friends merged with Nash's group of friends, I've been getting closer to Taylor. We couldn't be more different, we were quite literally opposites.

I'm soft-spoken and generally a quiet guy. Taylor is loud and obnoxious but in a very endearing way, he's never mean or hurtful towards anyone. It's actually one of the main things I love about him. I'm very creative, I sit with my guitar and write songs, Taylor enjoys hitting the gym and working out. He's definitely athletic, he's the running back of the football team. He's aggressive and I'm not at all, he can be hot-headed at times. But he's never directed his anger at me.

I was drawn to him the first time I saw him sitting at the table laughing loudly at the antic of his friends. I quietly sat next to him, it was the only spot available. He turned to me and gave me a friendly smile.

"Hey... I didn't notice you there, I'm Taylor." He said and held out his hand. I shook it shyly and softly told him my name.

From that moment on I was infatuated with him. I wanted to spend all my time with him, I wrote songs about him. Of course I never told anyone that they were directed at Taylor. For whatever reason he actively pursued a friendship with me, we had barely anything in common but somehow we became close friends, best friends even.

I lean against my locker watching sadly as Taylor presses a girl against the locker and he kisses her. I don't even know her name, I doubt Taylor even knows her name. He goes from girl to girl, leaving a trail of heartbreak behind him. All the girls know this and for whatever reason they always believe that they're going to be the one that makes him change. I'm not even sure what Taylor is looking for, if he's even looking for anything at this point. Maybe he just wants to be unattached so he can enjoy his teenage years without the stress or drama that comes along with dating a girl.

The bell rings and I sighs softly. "Tay, let's go. We're going to be late for class."

It's literally the last week of school, Taylor and I made sure we took all of our classes together the 2nd semester, kind of like what Nash and Cameron did. I can't deny that I'm sometimes jealous of their relationship, of how in love they are and how they don't give a fuck what anyone says about them. They're not afraid of PDA or expressing their love in front of other people. I wish so desperately that that could be Taylor and I. But he's never shown any interest in males, everyone else has paired up. Jack and Jack are together, Matt and Carter are together as well and I just feel sad that the boy I love will never love me the way I love him.

Taylor finally pulls away from the girl, she has a dazed expression on her face, that's how he makes them all feel. Like they're the center of his universe when he gives them his full attention. He caresses her cheek gently and presses one final kiss on her lips.

"I'll see you later, beautiful." He smirks at her as he steps away and walks towards me. He never says their names, he doesn't want to accidentally call them the wrong name so he sticks to pet names like beautiful, baby girl, or sweetness. They think he's being sweet but he's just saving himself from having to deal with drama.

I'm quiet as we walk to class.

"Let's ditch," Taylor says suddenly and I look at him, surprised. I've never ditched class before.

"I don't know..." I say, unsure. It is the last day of school, our grades are already pretty much set in stone. It's the last class of the day, I'm tempted to say yes.

"Come on, Shawn you know you want to..." Taylor says, flashing me his panty-dropping smile. "We can go to my house, hang out in my room play some Xbox."