Carpe Noctem - cash au -

Fragile Flame

Jack J. POV

Jack is leading me to his room, I don't know what he's going to say. Since we started hanging out I've gotten to know him pretty well, and I can usually read his body language but I can't this time.

I've loved Jack for a while now. He never knew, I've watched him be in relationships with girls that don't deserve him. I'd treat him so much better than that. He's my world now, I'm not ashamed to realize that. I have him on my mind constantly and when we're not together I wonder how he's doing, I text him, I facetime him. I can't say that it's one-sided because he texts me and facetimes me as well.

We've fallen asleep together while on the phone, we're practically in a relationship without being in a relationship. And I love it, and I hate it. I wish it could be real. I never believed he was gay or that he could be interested in me at all until last night. We've gotten drunk together before and he's never come on to me. But last night was different, last night he kept touching me, caressing my cheek. He was surrounded by beautiful girls but his attention was on me.

I didn't dare hope that he was developing feelings for me, the disappointment would be too much to bear if it wasn't true. But then he pulled me up and led me to his room. He was drunk but he was still coherent just like me. He locked the door behind us and pulls me over to his bed. He looked right into my eyes before he leaned down and pressed his lips to mine. It was what I had been waiting for, for so long.

His kisses set my body on fire, there were explosions, fireworks, everything. The way he touched me so gently, like I was something fragile that he could break. Like he cherished me and loved me. And that's when I started to hope and pray that this was real. That this was his way of expressing his feelings for me. We kissed for hours until our lips were raw. Until we were too tired to stay awake and then he pulled me into his arms, he pressed a gentle kiss on my neck and that's how we slept. We were cuddled close together and he had his face buried in my neck.

It was the best night of my life.

I woke up this morning feeling happy and overwhelmed. My dream had come true, I finally had a real relationship with Jack. We don't need to do the whole dating deal, I was ready to dive in head first. I was ready to declare my love for him to anyone who asked.

But then he woke up and he stared at me with a scared look. And I knew then that everything I had thought was not going to happen. His look was all I needed to know what he was thinking. My heart broke, the future that I was planning for us was gone.

Then I got worried, I got worried that if we weren't going to be in a relationship that our friendship would be changed forever. And I didn't want that, even if I can't have the relationship I want with Jack, I want his friendship. I could never live without him.

We silently made our way downstairs to the kitchen. No words had been passed between us, sometimes we don't need words to communicate. I knew how he felt and he knew how I felt. He started making us breakfast like he always did when I slept over. Then Cameron and Nash walked in. Cameron knows me well, before I had Jack I considered Cameron my best friend. But Cameron has Nash now and I have Jack. We're still close but not as close as we had been, and I think we're both okay with that.

I was about to confess what happened when I see Jack shaking his head no and giving me a cut it out motion. But Nash saw him and if there's anything I know about Nash it's that he's a direct person and he doesn't play games. So obviously he tells me to tell the truth, and I honestly wanted to.

He pulls Jack outside and I talk to Cameron.

And that leads us here, to this moment where Jack is leading me to his room again.