Carpe Noctem - cash au -

Breakeven

Nash POV

He lifts his head and our eyes meet. My heart pounds fast, I don't stop the feeling of happiness as I realize that he didn't leave, he stayed even though I completely blanked him. That happy is squashed by the realization that it doesn't matter, he has someone else. Another 'baby', one that isn't me.

He looks just as terrible as I do. His eyes are red, his lips are bruised, probably from him gnawing at them, he does it when he gets agitated.

I want to leave. I want to walk away but I can't. My feet are frozen again and Cameron slowly stands up, he winces, probably sore from sitting on the floor all afternoon. I watch him silently, I don't say a word.

"It's not what you think, Nash. I promise you, baby. Just let me explain." His voice is rough and scratchy when he speaks, like he's been yelling all afternoon. It breaks a little towards the end and I feel the wall I built around my heart start to crack. I'm so weak. I'm so weak for him.

"Speak, then." I reply softly. I lean against the wall as I run a hand through my hair. I've kept it long because Cameron loves it that way. Maybe I'll get it cut now.

He walks up to me and leans in close, placing his hands on either side of my head. I can't move, I can't look away. The power he has over me is inexplicable. He moves his left hand and places it on my cheek tenderly. He runs over the tear marks and then he trails them over my lips. My breath catches and I stare into his chocolate brown eyes.

"First things first (I'm the realest, roflmao ok that wasn't even funny, moving on), I could never, EVER fucking cheat on you, Nash. You're quite literally my world. I can't live without you. You're the first thing in my head every morning and the last person on my mind when I fall asleep. I dream about you. You're in my heart, 24 fucking 7. You're my fucking obsession. I'd stalk you if we weren't in a relationship. I'd never let you go, never." He tells me passionately. His words light a fire in my heart, they begin to mend the broken pieces.

He presses his lips against mine, I stay still but he doesn't pull away. He moves his kisses down my jaw and to my neck, to my sweet spot where he sucks there gently. A soft moan leaves me mouth and he looks back up at me. He brushes his lips again mine again.

"I'm addicted to you baby, to your kisses, to your touch, your attention, your cock." He looks down as he says that and he causes goosebumps to form all over my body. I breath a little faster, his words have me in some kind a trance, I can't break away, I don't want to break away.

"No one else comes close to you, Nash. No one else could ever come anywhere near to you. You'll always be the only one who could ever sate me. Who could ever elicit any kind of reaction from me. I promise you." His other arm goes down and grips my waist as he pulls me closer to him. My hands automatically go around his body. He's shorter than me and less muscular but he's just as strong as I am.

"How could I ever cheat on you? I couldn't. I never would.I never will." He continues forcefully. I stare into his eyes as his search mine. He's being honest with me, 100%. Relief floods my body and I rest my forehead against his.

"Now, I know the conversation you overhead is highly suspect, especially because you only heard my side of it," he starts off and I listen intently. My hands move up and down his body and he places a light kiss on my lips. "And I know I was wrong to leave the table and try to hide it from you. That was stupid of me. I'm sorry."

I grow a little confused now. So he wanted to hide the conversation from me, but why? I don't understand, we share everything with each other.

"The person I was on the phone with was my best friend all through preschool and middle school, and for some of my freshman year at high school. We never dated or anything but we were so close, we did everything together. I've never told you about her, because I just... didn't want to delve into any of those memories, they're painful." He confesses, and takes in a deep breath. His hand cups my face again and he carresses it gently.

"She was diagnosed with this genetic disorder, it's called neurofibromatosis, it basically makes tumors grow all over your body. Hers was very aggressive. She had a few surgeries here but they just kept growing back and getting worse. She was so sick of being in the hospital and being in pain that she attempted to kill herself. That was right at the beginning of my freshmen year. Her parents decided to move close to John Hopkins Hospital in Maryland, they specialize in what she has. So they just picked up and left. I barely got to say goodbye to her. They kept her in a psych ward with 24 hour supervision because of her suicide attempt and only her parents could visit her. " He looks down as fresh tears begin to fall from his eyes.

"All I had were a few minutes before they got on a plane to live all the way across the country. And I haven't seen her since they left. We've always kept in touch, she's like my sister, I love her so much. But she never wanted me to visit because she was always so sick and didn't want me to see her like that. She was always so bubbly, and active and full of life and being diagnosed with this disorder that has no cure sucked the life out of her. But recently she started on some new treatment and it slows the growth of new tumors after they're surgically removed. She's been telling me she feels like her old self. She wants me to go visit her during spring break but I told her I can't, I already made plans with you. She can't come because her treatment is multiple times a week. I just... I always have called her baby since like middle school. It's a habit," he finishes softly. And I lift his face tenderly and press my lips against his. I pull him close as we deepen the kiss, our tongues swirling around each. I feel so relieved, I'm so happy I gave him the chance to explain.

"Thank you, thank you, thank you baby. I love you so fucking much. I couldn't live without you. Thank you for giving me the chance to explain," he murmurs against my lips, pressing soft kisses against my lips.

"What's her name?" I ask him softly.

"Mahogany..." he replies as he pulls out his phone. He scrolls through his phone until he reaches a folder titled Lox. He opens it and shows me pictures of them together, since they were in kindergarten until they were teenagers. The last picture he showed me is obviously when she was leaving, they were clutching each other tightly, sad smiles on their faces, their eyes red. She looks so frail in that picture but still beautiful with her long red curls.

"She's so beautiful," I whisper and I look up at Cameron.

"Yes she is. She's a lot better now, with the new treatments." He shows me more recent pictures and I smile at him.

"I can see why you love her... and call her baby. You can just see the goodness shining out of her. I'd love to meet her. We can go visit her for spring break!" I exclaim, getting excited.

His eyes widen as a big smile slowly forms on his face.

"Seriously??" He asks me, his eyes shining brightly with happiness.

"Yeah, I want to meet her. And you need to see her, I can't believe you would just spend it with me in the cabin instead of visiting your best friend who's been too sick for you to visit," I'm in awe. He shrugs and looks embarrassed.

"I love her but you're 100% my number 1 priority. Like above anything and anyone else. She's going to be so excited to meet you, I've told her all about you." He confesses.

"I want to talk to her, we should face time. After my practice." I tell him as I look at my watch.

"Are you coming me?" I ask him as I pull away.

"Of course. Where else would I want to be. I was going to stalk you until you let me explain by the way. You weren't getting away so easily," he tells me, smiling as we walk together to the car.

He holds my hand tightly as I drive us back to school. He keeps his eyes on me as I drive and I glance at him, smiling.

"You're just so fucking amazing, baby. I'm so lucky to have you and that you gave me the opportunity to explain. And the fact you will actually use your spring break to visit someone you've never met just for me makes me love you so much more." He tells me lovingly.

I flush and smile at his compliment. I'm happy I gave him the chance to explain too, I feel so much better now and able to focus on Lacrosse fully now that Cam and I are okay, and he's going to be there.

A/n- hi tell me what you think kthnxbye