Carpe Noctem - cash au -

Breaktown

Nash POV

10:00pm.

I'm lying on the back seat of Carter's car and my mind is racing. I have my phone in my hand and I'm repeatedly calling Cameron but his phone just rings, I leave a voice mail everytime.

"Cam... baby. Please call me back so I can explain. I love you. Call me. Or pick up the phone. Cam...please." I say quietly in to my phone my voice breaks towards the end and my thoughts are disjointed, the alcohol still buzzing through my system.

My eyes are red, my nose is running and I feel ill. Not ill because of the alcohol but because I know Cameron is done with me. Cheating is his one deal breaker. I know this because he told me, just like I told him the same. Never had I ever imagined that I would be in this position. I feel so sick.

I should've fucking listened to him and not have attended this stupid party. But I never in a million years thought that Katrina would be brazen enough to do that. And it's just my luck that right as she does what, Cameron is there. And Jack promised to shield me from her, clearly he failed. But I can't even be mad at him. This is on me. It's my fucking fault. I finger the C on my chain gently, and squeeze my eyes shut as more tears start to fall.

I can't imagine my life without Cameron. If he would just let me explain what happened then maybe he would understand and we could make up. I just need to get him to talk to me.

Matt turns around when he hears me sniffling. "Don't worry Nash. Carter and I are going to do everything we can to fix this."

I know they feel guilty for leaving me to go make out, but they shouldn't. Who could have predicted this?

Matt starts talking on his phone and I can't really make out what he's saying.

"I'm so fucked," I tell them listlessly. "Cam isn't going to let me explain."

"Stop, Nash. You aren't just going to give up are you?" Matt says harshly. Carter pulls into my drive way and I sit up. A wave of dizziness washes over me. Now I'm really feeling sick.

I get out of the car and as soon as I do, I bend over and throw up all over the lawn.

"You're a fucking mess, Nash." Carter comments as they help me to my steps. I sit down on the stoop and look over to Cam's house. His car is in the driveway, so he's home.

"I need to go talk to Cameron," I tell them, ignoring Carter's comment.

We should be at the cabin right now, enjoying each other's company. Staring at the sky and contemplating life all night like we usually do. I can't go back to spending my nights alone. I can't do it without Cameron.

I need him. I need him so badly and my heart starts to ache. Dread washes over me as I think about the possibility of Cameron not forgiving me. Of him breaking up with me.

"What am I going to fucking do?" I say despondently. Matt sits down next to me and hands me a towel and mouthwash. I guess he went inside while I was sitting here, hating life.

"You're going to get yourself together, Nash. You're going to wipe your fucking face. Use the mouthwash cause you just puked all over the place and you're going to go to Cameron's and make him listen to you." Matt says firmly. Him and Carter got the story of what happened while they were gone from Jack and I.

I am so grateful to have Matt here, helping me out. He's become one of my closest friends. He tells me exactly what I need to hear.

I wipe my face with the warm wet cloth and swish and spit out the mouthwash. I stand up, and take a deep breath. I can do this.

I walk over to Cam's door and Matt and Carter wait on my steps. I stand in front of the door for a bit, trying to gather my thoughts. After a few moments, I reach up and knock on the door. My heart is pounding and my palms are getting sweaty. I'm so scared. I'm so afraid that Cameron will just reject me and turn me away.

The door opens and Cameron is on the other side. His eyes are red and swollen from crying, his face is blotchy and he looks so broken. My heart hurts because I'm the one who caused him to be like this. It's because of me and my stupid decision making.

"Cam..." I say softly.

"What?" He says flatly, his face is blank and he's completely closed off to me. And I don't know what to say for a moment, he's never been this way with me.

"Are you going to fucking talk or are you just going to stare like an idiot," he says harshly. I try to blink back the tears but they fall anyway.

"Please just... let me explain what happened." I plead with him, my voice cracking and I sound so pathetic. But I don't care, all that matters to me is that he listens and understands what happened. All that matters is that he lets me make up for what happened. All that matters is that he forgives me for my stupid choices that led us to this moment. He's all that matters.

He stares at me for a moment and then looks away. He wipes his eyes and sniffles. God, I can't believe I made him cry. I can't believe I broke his heart. I love him so much, I'll do anything to make it right.

"Explain then." He says, looking down at the ground.

"I was only going to stay at that stupid party for an hour with Carter and Matt. And then we were going to come surprise you and go up to the cabin for the weekend. I even got your mom to pack a bag for you." I start off softly.

"I wanted to make up for this afternoon during lunch. I shouldn't have acted that way, Cam and I'm so sorry. I'm such a fucking idiot." I continue saying. He doesn't say anything but he lifts his eyes to meet mine.

"I wasn't going to drink but Jack kind of egged me on and Carter said he would drive so I took that first shot. I don't even know what it was, but I only took 3 total. I don't know why I was so out of it and before I know Katrina is sitting on my lap saying some shit about a birthday kiss. She kissed me before I had time to react. I tried to push her off me but I only managed it when Jack helped me. And that's when I saw you." I'm growing increasingly desperate to get Cam to see things from my perspective.

"I'm not trying to excuse what happened. I never should have put myself in that position. I love you so fucking much, Cam. It's unreal. You're litterally my best friend, the only one I trust 100%. I would never cheat on you. How could I? You're the only one that matters to me. Anyone else is nothing. Katrina is nothing. I was disgusted when she kissed me, it was so gross." I say earnestly. Cam's eyes start to soften and I take a step towards him. He shakes his head and takes a step back.

"I don't want to lose you. I can't lose you. I can't live without you, Cam. I need you." I tell him passionately and I stop talking and let him absorb what I've told him.

I notice that he's still wearing his N chain and hope fills my heart. That has to mean something. My hand goes to my C chain, and I grip it with my fingers. Cam's gaze follows my fingers and his stance softens more as his own hands move to his chain.

"I need time, Nash." He tells me softly and he steps back into his house and closes the door. I hang my head and lean my forehead against the door.

What the hell am I going to do now? My mind says I should be aggressive, keep calling, texting and knocking on his door until he forgives me. But my heart is telling me to give him space, to listen to him and give him time to digest what happened and what I told him.

I've never been so torn in my life.

A/N- I had to get this chapter out of my head. Have to wake up early tomorrow but idgaf because I tell time, it doesn't tell me. Rofl. Sorry.

I'm losing it. Clearly. Anyway, would you forgive Nash after that speech? Cause I sure as hell would.