BTS HYYH Notes (Book 1, 2, BUS Game) // COMPLETE [Part 2]

2022, Aug 15 - Seokjin (Flower Smeraldo)

[Places: Railroad, Smeraldo flower shop]

(A/N: He was having a throwback)

I saw her for the first time by the railroad. It was about a month ago on a day I had a lot on my mind. I went to see Jungkook at the hospital but stayed there for only about ten minutes. I rarely even talked with Jungkook when I was there. For some reason, Jungkook was tense and kept his guard up against me. No message was posted on our group chat. Hoseok's message, which said he wouldn't keep in touch anymore, was the last. I felt like that message was aimed at Yoongi. But, whenever I read it, it seemed like it was directed at me for some reason.

(A/N: A scene from highlight reel, a month ago.)

I left the hospital and walked on blindly. I realized after some time that I was in front of the railroad crossings. The crossing bar was down, and I could see a train approaching in the distance. It reminded me of the time when I got on an airplane alone in my childhood. It might sound silly, but it felt similar. What was I expecting? Whatever it was, was I not supposed to expect something like that? Was that sense of belonging no more than an illusion? What was this emptiness? Was I all alone after all? What did I do wrong? This train of thought continued with the strong wind stirred up by the actual train that passed by.

The train disappeared from sight as fast as it'd approached. The bar went up and the crossing as open again. She walked towards me, swimming against the flow of air brought by the train. She dropped her diary as she slid by me.

In her diary, was her wish list: taking an Italian class, joining a temple stay program, volunteering at an animal shelter, taking a barista course, and sharing earphones with her boyfriend while taking a walk. Smeraldo was one of them. Underneath a magazine clipping of Smeraldo was the following paragraph:

Love is not primarily a relationship to a specific person; it is an attitude, which determines the relatedness of a person to the world as a whole. If I truly love one person, I love all people, I love the world, I love life. If I can say to somebody else, "I love you," I must be able to say, "I love in you everybody, I love through you the world, I love in you also myself. - From ‘The Art of Loving’ by Erich Fromm.

I did a lot of things with her for one month. We took walks, sharing earphones and listening to music like she wanted and volunteered together at an animal shelter. We couldn't do a temple stay, but we took a bus and traveled to the last stop and spent time at our favorite café.

(A/N: End of throwback)

Smeraldo is a flower that is said to only grow in the northern part of Italy. I dropped by a large flower shop nearby, but no one had ever heard of the flower. Then I found this small flower shop still under construction. It was at a corner on the left side after crossing the bridge to Munhyun. I didn't have high expectations when the owner, who had been organizing some documents in one corner, approached me. Upon hearing the flower name, the owner stared at me for a long time and told me he would be able to deliver the flower, although his shop was not officially open yet.

"Why does it have to be that flower?"

(A/N: You can also read the owner's POV on the last page of this book I published.)

She didn't know that I had her diary. She'd never be able to imagine that I'd followed the list in her diary for all the things we'd done together over the past month. I didn't return her diary or tell her I had it. I knew it was wrong. I knew I was almost deceiving her. I tried to come clean a few times, but I was afraid. I was afraid she might leave me just like my friends. I was afraid her heart would turn cold once she got a glimpse of my mistakes, wrongdoings, foolishness, and fear.

I wanted to make her happy. I wanted to make her laugh. Every time I made her happy, it felt as if I became a better person. It felt as if my shortcomings were being put out of sight. I had just one more thing to prepare. It was a flower that meant "the truth untold" in the language of flowers.

The owner seemed baffled at my request to get ahold of the Smeraldo flower by August 30 and said it'd difficult to find one by then. But it had to be that day. A display of fireworks was scheduled to take place at Yangji stream. She was fond of the night sky. I was thinking of confessing my love for her when the fireworks burst into the night sky. I was thinking of presenting her with her favorite flower and confiding my heart at her favorite time in her favorite place.