BTS HYYH Notes (Book 1, 2, BUS Game) // COMPLETE [Part 2]

2022, May 2 - Yoongi (Fire)

(A/N: Loop #1.)

[Places: workroom, Good Time Motel]

The mirror I'd left in the workroom shatters. It happens in an instant. The dizziness consumes me and I falter, but I manage to stand up.

"Hyung..." Surprise roots Jungkook to where he stands.

I leave Jungkook behind and run out of the workroom.

(A/N: in motel.)

I always wanted to run away. From the abeoji who couldn't understand me, and the eommeoni who blamed me. I had believed that my scars were from them, but, maybe the person who was hurting me... Was me.

I knew this would happen. Having Jungkook by my side was a mistake...

(A/N: The scene was when both of them caught in hideout back in high school.)

Bad things happen to the people near me. They get hurt. It's time to end it.

The sheets light up and burst into flames in an instant. The heat's overwhelming. The humble things that surround me lose meaning, and all that's left is suffering.

***

(A/N: Loop #2.)

[Places: Good Time Motel, hospital]

The sheet caught fire and instantly flared up. Everything dingy and shabby died away in the unbearable heat. The musty smell, the depressing dampness, and the dark and dismal light were no longer recognizable. Only pain was left. Physical pain that seemed to boil in the flames. My fingertips felt as if they were melting down with blisters forming. Abeoji's expressionless face and the sound of music dispersed into the air.

I was different than him. Abeoji didn't understand me and I didn't understand him. If I tried, would've I been able to persuade him? I don't think so. All I could do was hide, defy, and run away. Sometimes, it felt like it wasn't him I was trying to break free from. At such moments, fear rushed over me. What am I running away from then? What does it take to escape from myself?

Everything looked hopeless.
I thought I heard someone calling me, but I didn't turn my head. I couldn't breathe. I couldn't move. But I knew it was Jungkook. He must've gotten mad. He would mourn for me. I just wanted to flopped down. I wanted to put an end to the smoke, heat, pain and fear.

Jungkook shouted something, but still I couldn't hear. Everything before my eyes fell apart. It was the last moment. I lifted my head. My last sight of this world was this dirty, isolated room, the red-hot flames and rolling heat, and Jungkook's twisted face.

***

(A/N: Loop #3.)

They said it will be a scar that would remain for a long time. Take time and heal them slowly, and said as the area is not that big, it will be better than what is now if I get treated frequently.

4 days since I had been hospitalized, the scar from the burn appeared as the doctor removed the gauze. Skin on left arm that turned red almost black. It was my body but it didn't feel like mine.

It was strange. The moment I dropped the lighter, I was ready to take something worse than this. But then, just with this small scar, I felt paradoxically to myself.

"It's going to hurt a bit."

When the doctor started to dress my left arm, blood spurted out from the burn. He said the scar would start to fade away six months later. I looked at the blackish red wound. The burnt skin around seemed like a lick of fire.

The doctor said, "The fact you're bleeding is a good sign. It means that the skin underneath is alive."

I nodded slowly. The blood was seeping through the dressing, followed by a burning sensation in my arm. The pain brought a dream back about my childhood. In the dream, I am running away, sweating buckets under the scorching sun. I feel dizzy and thirsty. I feel a burning and poking sensation everywhere in my body. When I was a little, I was a sickly boy and my abeoji did not like that at all. So he made me run every morning, rain or shine. In the dream, I can hardly breathe and think dying would be better than this.

***

(A/N: Other translated version of Loop #3.)

Doctor said, bleeding was a good sign. It was a proof that there was new skin under the dead skin. Even in the middle of the pain I chuckled.

Why are new things possible after death? What would have happened if I had died back then? Perhaps that was the only method to start everything new.

I looked at my arm. Blood lightly seeped out on the newly wrapped gauze. I called the blood stain, 'Fire'. The doctor called it 'Regenerating'.

Who's words are right?