BTS HYYH Notes (Book 1, 2, BUS Game) // COMPLETE [Part 2]

2022, Jul 4 - Hoseok (Feeling Of Helplessness)

(A/N: Loop #1)

[Place: Hospital]

While they were applying emergency assistance, I came into the corridor. Though it was night, quite a few people were still there, pacing. There was water dripping from my hair, drenched in rain and sweat.

As I was shaking my hair, I dropped her bag. Random things fell out. Coins rolled away, as pens and towels scattered too. And in the midst of it, there was an airplane e-ticket. Taking hold of it, I scanned the information.

Then, the doctor called me. He said I did not have to worry for it was a light concussion, and after a moment, she came out.

“You okay?”

She said her head hurt a little as she took her bag to carry it. With that movement, she saw the e-ticket peeping out, and turned to look at my face. I switched shoulders to carry the bag and pretending nothing was wrong, I pressed on.

As we came to the entrance, the rain continued to fall. We stood side by side at the door.

“Hoseok-ah.” She called me. She had the expression of someone who had something to say.

“Wait a moment. I’ll buy an umbrella.”

I just ran into the rain without a thought. There was a corner store over there.

I had known that recently, she had auditioned for an international dance team. That she had ordered a plane ticket would mean that they had been accepted.

I did not want to hear what she had to say. I did not have the confidence to congratulate her.

***

(A/N: Loop #2)

[Place: Rooftop]

I was standing by the rail on the rooftop and looking down on Songju City. I liked Songju. I didn't know where I had been born, but I grew up in Songju. The weedy area by the Yangji cheon (stream) wasn't there anymore, but I used to play hide-and-seek there when I was a little, and I spent my school days in the classroom-turned-storage room instead of attending classes.

From time to time, I did wonder what the world outside Songju would be like. A vast city with endless skyscrapers like in some movies, a huge plaza crowded with people, the continents with nothing but ice and snow in perpetual winter, or people dancing on some fancy stage---.

Trains sparked my imagination the most. When I looked down from the bridge over the Yangji stream, Songju Station seemed like a launch site ready to shoot out a train. When people got on those small rockets, the station launched them. Where were those rockets headed? Where would they pass through and where would they arrive? On the bridge of my mind would wonder and imagine these things.

Did I want to leave Songju? No. I would like to say this again: I like Songju. But watching the trains, I would imagine a world.

So many things had happened in such a short time. I met my friends again, Jungkook got into an accident, and the orphanage imo became sick. When I was in the middle of it all, I hadn't realized it, but now that I was alone, looking down on the lights of Songju City, I felt helpIess. I should be proud of the five years old boy who with nothing but the clothes on his back and a bar of chocolate, had grown up to become this man. But it wasn't a big deal at the same time.

If Jung Hoseok had live not in Songju but somewhere else, would it have been different? Would every Jung Hoseok in this world be so helpless and meaningless?

"Hoseok-ah, how would you like working at a different store as the manager?" I kept mulling over that offer.

Then I looked up and saw the lights from the Yangji Children's Home in the distance. I told Jimin once that when a person is looking at a map or climbing up a high place, they always look for their house. How fortunate it was that my home was there. That there were lights I could look out for when I felt as if I meant nothing.

Good night, Songju. Good night, friends.

I bid good night to all who couldn't hear me and turned around.