BTS HYYH Notes (Book 1, 2, BUS Game) // COMPLETE [Part 2]

2022, May 22 - Jungkook (It'll Be More Painful To Live Than To Die)

(A/N: Loop #1)

[Places: Beach, observatory]

Someone shook my shoulder to wake me up. When I opened my eyes, the car window was filled entirely with the seascape. The sea breeze felt chilly, probably because I was only half awake.

I wrapped myself with both arms and got out of the car. The others, already far out on the beach where the waves broke against the shore, waved at me. Beyond them was the sea, and above the sea was the sun. The entire scene looked like a still frame.

The wind picked up and filled this still frame with raging sand just as I raised my hand to wave back. The gritty dust rose from the ground and swirled about. The others turned around all at once, covering their faces to ward off grainy wind. I did the same, shutting my eyes tightly, bending my head, and covering my face with my arm. We stood in this position amidst the sounds of lapping waves and whistling wind for a long time. I tried to open my eyes, but they stung from the sand.

"Don't rub them. It'll just make it worse."

Upon hearing Hoseok hyung, I slowly blinked.

The sea, the sky, and the others kept appearing and disappearing through the tears welling up in my eyes. After I blinked several times, tears streamed down, and the stinging subsided. The tears must've flushed the grains of sand out. I heard the others laughing. They were laughing at me standing in the middle of the empty beach shedding tears.

It was unclear who began to run first. It started out as a silly game. I pretended to chase the others who kept making fun of me. Hoseok hyung darted off as if he was fleeing from me. Then, the rest joined in, running towards and away from one another and laughing joyfully. At some point, we were all running along the coastal road. I ran behind the others. I was out of breath, sweaty, and had a splitting headache. But I didn't stop because they continued on.

We'd all met again, sprung Jimin hyung from the hospital, and returned to this same beach. It was all unplanned. All I'd done was to tag along, but it felt exhilarating. Maybe running around blankly was the only way for me to deal with that fearfully thrilling sensation. I'd done the same when we all ditched school and came to this beach for the first time.

“That's right. We were like this back then, too."

Namjoon hyung said when we dropped down on the beach to catch our breath.

"I think it was just as hot then. When was it?" It was Jimin hyung.

"It was June 12." My good memory took everyone by surprise.

I remembered it exactly because the photo we had taken on this beach was marked with the date. I sometimes took it out and stared at it. I didn't tell anyone, but I felt on that long-ago day that I had finally found a real family. Real brothers.

"Hyung---” I began to express my gratitude but found myself at a loss for words.

"What?" The others rushed me one by one and then flung themselves at me.

We rolled around on the beach tangled up together, playing like children

"Why are you here alone?"

I sank down next to Taehyung-ie hyung who was sitting in one corner of the sandy beach away from the others.

He looked at me briefly and asked a question instead. "Was that there the last time we came here?" He was talking about the observatory.

"If it was, we would've climbed it. But I don't remember it." He nodded in agreement. He kept staring at the observatory.

"Let's go." Someone tapped my shoulder. It was Seokjin hyung.

His face unrecognizable as he was standing against the light. It might've been because I was looking up at him from a sitting position, but he looked so tall.

I stood up, dusting off the sand. My feet sank deep into the burning sand. I sneaked into Seokjin hyung's shadow and walked on, kicking sand with the tips of my sneakers. The sand I kicked up splattered onto Seokjin hyung's pants, but he didn't look back.

***

(A/N: POV #1)

[Place: Dark road]

I felt like my body was floating in the air, but the next minute, I was lying on the hard ground. I couldn't feel anything for some time. My entire body felt so heavy that I couldn't even lift my eyelids. I couldn't swallow or breathe. As I fell into a self-conscious state, I grew warmer and warmer and my body suddenly shook all over.

An undefinable pain and thirst instinctively forced my eyes open. Something shimmery caught my eye, which felt dried out as if filled with sand. At first, I thought it was a light, but it wasn't. It was bright, big and blurry. It hung in the air motionlessly.

I kept staring at it for a while and it began to take shape, it was the moon. The world appeared upside down. My head must've been tilted back. In that world, the moon was also upside down. I tried to breathe by coughing, but I couldn't move.

A cold fit swept over my body. It was frightening. I tried to open my lips but couldn't utter a word. My vision kept fading even though my eyes were open. Someone asked me a question as my conciousness grew dimmer and dimmer.

"It'll be more painful to live than to die. Do you still want to live?"