Fearless

81

"It's your mom. She's throwing an absolute fit that you're not inviting her to your wedding...and that you didn't even tell her about Mia." Dad said as anger boiled in my belly, "why would I invite her to my wedding!? Or include her in my daughters life?! That DOESN'T MAKE SENSE." I yelled as my hands flew up to my head with frustration.

"I don't know sweetie, I don't blame you for not including her." Dad said as Colby rubbed my back, "Jesus Christ, where was she when I NEEDED her? Why does she have to come back when I'm finally happy. What kind of twisted shit is that?!" I groaned and collapsed onto the bed.

"I know, I think she feels bad.." he said and I just shook my head, "she doesn't have the right to feel bad!" I yelled and covered my face with my hands. "I know squirt. Maybe just....maybe give her a chance." He said and I bolted up, making Colby flinch. "No! She doesn't just get to pick and choose when she comes into my life! That's not how this works! I'M NOT DOING IT!" I screamed and paced as Colby looked at me with sad eyes.

"Calm down baby, we aren't letting her come. She's not coming." He said and I just shook my head, feeling tears of frustration bubble to the surface. "I can't just calm down! This is fucking ridiculous!" I yelled and heard Mia start screaming.

"Great." I said and stormed out of the room before either of them could say anything to me.

"Sorry for waking you sweet girl." I said feeling the anger melt away as I pulled her into my arms. She cried for a while, still getting over being scared awake, but she fell back asleep again a few minutes later.

I laid her in the crib and kissed her head before I took a deep breathe, preparing for the difficult conversation I was going to have to have again.

I just wanted my mom to leave me alone.

All my life I yearned for her to be in my life, I prayed at night that one day she would come home and suddenly love me. I begged the stars to grant me one wish, for her to suddenly care.

Why did she have to come back into my life when I was finally happy. When I had overcome every battle thrown in front of me.

She kept ripping off the glue that was keeping the wound that she left me closed.

After 11 years, she finally wants to start playing mom, and I can't let her.

I felt a tear trickle down my cheek as I sniffled. I wiped it away angrily then went back to the bedroom.

Colby was still on the bed, his sad blue eyes went to mine as I walked to sit next to him. "I just wish there was something I could do." Dad said on the other end. "You've done all you could do Dad. You raised me to be a strong woman who doesn't take shit from people. It took a while to fully get there but I'm there now. I'll call you later, there's something I have to deal with." I said and picked up the phone, "okay squirt..don't do anything you'll regret okay?" He said and I nodded, biting my cheek, "I won't." I whispered then hung up.

"What are you going to do?" Colby asked but I ignored him and scrolled through my call history, "hey, Cora please talk to me before you do anything." He said and gently covered my phone with his hands. "Let me do this." I said and looked up at him. "What are you doing?" He asked again and looked me in the eyes. "Ending this once and for all." I whispered and pulled my hands back so I could call my mom.

"What Cora? Are you calling to tell me you're running for president?" She answered snarkily. "Fuck you." I said and heard Colby suck in a breath, "excuse me?" She hissed over the phone. "Fuck you for thinking that you can choose when you come into my life. Fuck you for ruining my life and for breaking me down so badly that I was basically dead." I said and breathed a small laugh and stood up,

"Guess what though? I'm not weak anymore. I'm not the little girl you would hit and throw around and verbally abuse. I'm not a FUCKING CHILD." I said and took a deep breathe to compose myself, "I'm grown and strong and I'm not taking any of your shit anymore! You walked out. You chose 11 years ago to leave. You don't get to be a part of my wedding or a part of me and you sure as hell don't get to be a part of my daughters life. You fucked up." I said and clenched my jaw, feeling the tears burn my eyes. I wouldn't cry in front of her though, I wouldn't give her the satisfaction.

"I told you why I left, Cora. I told you the reasons and I thought you accepted that. I thought for a second you would be able to forgive me for it, but I guess not." She said calmly. She was acting so calm it was making me uncomfortable, "that excuse was bullshit." I hissed and took a deep breath, "I wanted to be a musician. I moved to LA to do it too, but life happens. My daughter wasn't planned, she just happened unexpectedly, and I wouldn't change that for the world. I love her with my whole heart, and that's something you NEVER had for me. You never loved me. So that excuse isn't going to fly with me anymore." I said coldly and kept my back towards Colby, I didn't want to see how he was looking at me.

"I just wish you would have at least told me about the wedding or about your child. I thought you would at least tell your father to tell me!" She barked back, "you lost that privledge!!! I prayed my entire childhood that you would love me and want me but it never happened! You only care about yourself! Now I have people that actually love and care about me, so I don't need you, JESSICA. I don't fucking need you." I said and took a shaky breath in.

"After I hang up this phone I never want to hear from you again. You've done enough damage for one lifetime, and you'll just keep doing it until one of us is dead." I said and clenched my eyes shut, keeping the tears in. "But as far as I'm concerned...you're already dead to me." I said as my hands started shaking.

"If that's what you want then fine. You don't get to only blame me for this though. I'm reaching out now, and you're being disrespectful and not taking it. This is just as much your fault now as it is mine. You don't want to put the past behind us? Then fine. You're dead to me too." When she said that my heart broke in a way I never thought was possible. I didn't realize how much pain it would cause me. I stumbled backwards, almost falling over before Colby caught me. "I guess this is it then." I said quietly, trying to keep myself composed until I hung up. "I guess so." She said and I nodded, "have a good life." I said then hung up.

I dropped the phone and fully collapsed as tears coated my cheeks and my hands shook. I sobbed uncontrollably into Colby's chest, and just let him hold me, "it's okay baby girl, I'm so proud of you...I'm so proud." He said quietly as I just wailed.

I meant every word that I said though, I couldn't have her around me or Mia, she missed her chance.

It was just hard hearing your own mother say you're dead to her. Even if I said it first.

"You're so strong baby, you're strong. It's only up from here now." Colby said and pressed his cheek onto my head, tightening his arms around me.

It felt like I was going to have a heart attack from the intense pain that was filling my chest. I just screamed out in pain as Colby cringed.

I don't think either of us were expecting this sort of reaction, but it needed to be done if I wanted to fully heal.

I was stitching up the wound she left which was only just glued before.

I was done with her for forever now.