Fearless

12

I wimpered in pain as Colby and I made our way up the stairs, "I don't remember there being this many stairs." I whined as Colby laughed, "you want me to just carry you?" He said with a laugh. I puffed my lip out into a pout and wrapped my arms around his neck so he could lift me up. "You're so strong." I said and kissed his cheek. "That's right, and don't you forget it." He said with a laugh as he kicked the door open. He set me gently on the bed and placed a soft kiss on my forehead. "I missed this bed." I said and buried my face in my pillow. "I did too." He said and flopped down next to me, now shirtless. "you could have slept here instead of in that uncomfortable chair at the hospital." I said as she shook his head, "I didn't want to leave you." I nodded, "I know and I love you even more for that."

He smiled and held his arms out, "c'mere" he whispered as I scooted closer. He wrapped his arms around me and sighed in content, "I missed this." He whispered and I nuzzled into his chest, "I did too." I whispered back. "I'm so glad you're okay." He mumbled and played with my hair. "I couldn't imagine living in a world that you weren't in." He said then kissed my head gently. "I love you so much." I whispered and put my hand on top of his, which was resting on my belly. "I love you, too. Now let's get some rest." He said quietly and pulled the covers over us. We both fell asleep almost instantly.

It wasn't a good sleep for me though, images of the accident were constantly playing in my head. I couldn't catch my breath as I sat up, but luckily I didn't wake up Colby. He needed to rest, and I wasn't about to wake him. I slid out of bed and shakily made my way to the balcony of our room. I just needed some fresh air. As I made my way to the door I would turn back to make sure Colby was still asleep. I watched his sleeping figure for a second and admired how relaxed he finally looked. He relaxed in his sleep every night but not like this. He truly looked peaceful and happy for the first time since the accident. I sighed and turned back to the door before slowly opening it and stepping out.

The cold air of the night hit me as I closed the door behind me. We kept chairs out on the balcony for moments like this. Colby loved the balcony and would just sit out here for hours, or until I would force him to come inside. I sat in my chair and breathed out as my head throbbed. I just wanted to feel better again, I didn't want to struggle to even move. I was grateful though, I was so so grateful to be alive and for our baby to be alive.

I thought about getting to grow old with Colby, raising our kid together, possibly having more. I wanted that. I wanted him to be my only love. I prayed he never got sick of me and that he would always love me because at this point he has been there for me through some of my biggest traumas. He was the rock I needed that I thought I would never get. I couldn't wait to see how he was as a dad. He already loved our baby so much, seeing him interact with her made my heart absolutely melt.

My thoughts were interrupted by the balcony door creaking open, "oh thank god." Colby breathed out as his eyes met mine, "I'm sorry," I whispered and looked back up at the stars. "Nightmares?" He asked and sat next to me. I just nodded and bit my lip. "I'm sorry for waking you up." I said quietly finally meeting his gaze again. "You didn't, I had a nightmare too, then you weren't next to me and I got freaked out." He said as I reached over to grab his hand. "I'm sorry, I didn't want to wake you but I needed some fresh air." He shook his head and caressed my hand with his thumb, "it's okay, did you want to talk about it?" I shook my head, "no, do you?" He shook his head, "no." He said quietly and looked up at the stars with me. We sat in silence for a while, just listening to the trees swaying in the wind. Colby held my hand in his lap as I rubbed my belly with my free hand. I shivered as the cold wind blew, "we should go in." Colby said and started to get up.

I shook my head, "just a few more minutes." I said quietly as I looked up at him. "Okay." He whispered and sat back down, pulling my hand back into his lap. He brought my hand to his lips as we silently sat out there for a couple minutes. I was afraid to get back in bed, I was afraid to see the horrible images. I was afraid to relive it again. Colby squeezed my hand and looked at me with concern, "what?" I asked and he shook his head, "you're freezing.." he whispered and brought his hand to my cheek. I nodded, "I'm a little cold." I admitted and he stood up again, only to crouch in front of me, "what's going on. Talk to me." He said and held my face in his hands, "I'm..I'm scared Colby." I whispered then bit my lip again. His face softened as he tilted my head down and kissed my forehead, "I know you are. You're gonna get through this though, and I'm gonna be right by your side." He said and looked into my eyes.

I nodded, "I know, I wish you weren't having nightmares though." I said causing him to let out a sigh, "me neither but we will get through it, we always do. Now come on you're freezing." He said and helped me get up out of the chair. My body ached as I leaned into him, not being able to hold my own weight. He picked up up swiftly and carried me back inside as he rubbed my arm.

Once we were in the bed he rubbed my arms to warm me up, "goodnight, I love you." I said and he kissed the back of my head, "I love you too, don't be afraid to wake me up if you have another nightmare." He said and pulled me to him a little more, "I won't." I whispered and closed my eyes again.