Fearless

32

"You guys are assholes." Katrina mumbled and looked down at Mia again.

"Kat we aren't kidding. We literally named her after you." I said with noodles sticking out of my mouth. "Shut up...." she said and gasped. "Shut UP!" She yelled happily causing Mia to fuss a little, "oop sorry mini me." She whispered and held her closer.

"Way to go guys, you gave her a big head." Sam said with a laugh, "I don't have a big head, Golbach. I'm just...they...she.." she blubbered out and looked down at the baby in her arms. "She wouldn't exist without you." I said quietly as Colby sat next to me, wrapping his arm around my shoulders. I leaned into him as Kat passed Mia off to Sam. As soon as Mia was safe in his arms Kat ran and tackled me with a hug causing me to hiss out in pain, "oh! I'm sorry. I forgot that you're still hurting." I smiled, "Im okay, I'll take hugs any day of the week, even if they hurt." I said and hugged her back. Colby was quietly watching Sam as he held our daughter. The emotion behind his eyes was almost overwhelming. I could tell how happy he was to see his best friend be a part of this amazing life moment.

"I hate to break this up but visiting hours are over." Our nurse said as she poked her head into our room. "Okay, we will say goodbye and head out." Kat said as Sam frowned and looked at Mia, "Sam?" Colby asked as Sam looked up, "I'm just really happy for you guys..this is insane. She's so small and fragile. I guess I have never seen something so innocent." He said with a smile, looking up at us. I couldn't help the tears that were building up in my eyes. "She's going to be so loved..she already is." I whispered and wiped my face as Sam put her down on her makeshift bed. They came and gave us hugs, "she's loved and so are you guys. We will see you later, please get some rest." Kat said and waved before they left the room.

A nurse came in a few seconds later, "okay let's feed her one more time, then I'm gonna take her so you two can get some much needed rest." My eyes widened as I looked at Colby, "relax love, she's gonna be fine. She's right. We need to sleep and right now we are getting help, so we need to take it." He said and rubbed my arm. "I...just don't want her out of my sight." I said and cried. The nurse smiled sympathetically at me, "honey it's normal to feel how you're feeling but trust me, you're going to want to sleep right now. She will be taken care of and we will bring her back when you wake up, okay?" She asked and I sniffled, wiping my tears. "Okay."

After I fed her and filled some extra bottles we said our goodbyes for the night, and she was wheeled out of the room.

I breathed out and pursed my lips, fighting back the tears that were trying to force their way to the surface. "Oh baby girl." Colby whispered as he slid into the bed next to me, pulling me into him. My body ached but being close to him caused my emotions to overflow as I just sobbed into him. I had been really keeping it all together for the most part since my water broke, but right now in this moment I was crumbling. Fear of failure boiled in my chest, that little girl was helpless and I had to be there for her more than anyone. "You're okay baby...you're okay." He whispered and kissed my head. "I'm so scared." I whispered and he tightened his grip. "I know...I am too, but you saw how much love and support we have, we will get through this. My mom offered to stay to help out for a little while, while we try to get our footing. She said when her and my dad had Gage they were terrified. A month in they were practically pros. We are going to be okay, because we have eachother and the support of our families and friends. That little girl is so loved." He said and tucked me closer into his chest.

"I know...I know..I just...I don't know Colby. I feel empty inside. I feel so different, everything hurts and I just feel...empty." Colby kissed my head, "that's the post partum starting. I'm here with you, we will get through this okay? I love you." I sniffled and nodded, "I love you too." I whispered. "Now please get some sleep, I know you're exhausted." He said and rubbed my back gently. I sighed as he slid out of the bed to turn the lights off, "a-are you gonna lay with me?" I wimpered as he put some sweatpants on, "do you want me to? The bed is kind of small. I was just gonna crash on the couch." I shook my head, "lay with me." I whispered as a smile bloomed on his face.

He held me as I fell asleep almost instantly. My dreams consisted of nothing but love, and premonitions of Mia as a teenager.

"They are so cute it's disgusting." Tara's voice sounded through the room, waking me up. I groaned at the amount of light in the room, "oop. Sorry did I wake you?" She said and I brought my finger to my lips pointing at Colby, who was still asleep, his arms lazily draped around me. "Sorry, we brought you guys breakfast, we were hoping to see the tiny human but it looks like she isn't here." Jake whispered and held up a bag from IHOP. I smiled, "take a seat, hang out. She will be in here once this one wakes up."  I whispered and pointed to Colby. He was out cold, since he hadn't slept at all since my water broke.

The fact that he made sure I fell asleep before he did made my heart swell because he must have been exhausted. He could say he loved me every minute of every day and it wouldn't mean as much as the actions he did on a daily basis. Mia and I were blessed to have him, and I couldn't wait to really see him in action. He was already such a good dad. The way he wouldn't keep his eyes off of her as she was getting checked out by doctors, the way he took notes about how and when we needed to feed her.

"What are you thinking about?" Tara whispered, "you're gonna gag." I said with a giggle, "I was thinking about how great of a dad Colby is already. And how we really have no damn clue what we are doing." I said looking at his sleeping face. "I think you know more than you're giving yourself credit for." Tara said and grabbed my hand reassuring me.

I hoped she was right.