Darling | KTH

-:- Maybe -:-

I was absorbed in my own thoughts, looking at the ceiling as i layed comfortably on my bed.

Since what happened with Taehyung there was this one person that had been off my mind, one that i really cared about but have forgotten of, because of this whole...affair?

I didn't even now how to call it now.

Jimin.

I haven't seen him since the day i passed out, before all of this happened. I wondered how he was, I remember having a few missed calls from him but i didn't reply, finding myself scared at the thought that he might get angry. After all he didn't support me and Taehyung being together, because of all the damage he created in me.

I sighed and closed my eyes.

Maybe i should call him..?

But that stupid fear still tingled at the back of my mind, it's stupid he will understand. As much as i tried to convince myself nothing was going to happen, i wasn't quite sure.

I was overthinking the situation way too much, i always did that. Overthinking the situations only made me loose my mind to the point i didn't know what to do, ending up acting by impulse and messing things up.

I took a deep breath and grabbed my phone, quickly looking through the countless of names. Looking for his name to appear on the screen, as i passed multiples of names i found myself stopping abruptly when i spotted one in particular.

Jungkook

A wave of heaviness and pain came rushing through my chest, i bit my lip as i tried hard not to cry. I missed him a lot, maybe i shouldn't have let go?

I wasn't sure.

No you did the right thing, if you had still hold tight to him. If you hadn't let him go, both of you would've suffer much more.

Besides you got Taehyung back.

I smiled at that, i still didn't find it on me to believe this whole situation entirely. Sure, a part of me was enjoying this as much as i could, savoring every moment at it's fullest. Yet there was still this tingling thought at the back of my head, buried deep down in an attempt to forget about it. But i just couldn't ignore it, it was there.

This was too good to be true.

A couple of days ago i would've sworn Taehyung loved me no more, that he had forgotten about me entirely. That all of our history was far behind.

Then things happened.

The fact that he just let me back into his arms so easily, so fast. It was so odd, so unbelievable, yet so marvelous.

Of course i found it marvelous, as it was what i had longed for so much time. But, whenever i would imagine this happening - because boy i did!! a lot of times - i always imagined it like on books, or movies. The boy always played hard to get. But i'll always ended up more depressed, submerged in the thought of him not actually loving me.

Then he came back to my life, turning it upside down once again and burying me deeper into the whole i had let myself merge into since the beginning.

The way he had came to me, saying he had never stopped waiting for me, maybe it was true. But this part of me, the one that had already been hurt and torn apart, couldn't trust him entirely.

Maybe i was trusting him too much, i was letting myself be blinded once again.

Maybe what he explained was true, maybe it is but i just, i feel like i should trust myself. I wanted him back so much, i just needed more time to be able to trust him entirely.

Just a couple of moments ago i was about to give myself to him again, just like before. I should be stronger by now, after everything i've been through, i should be able to hold back just a little longer...right?

If what he said was true, if he did genuinely loved me, and waited for me. He will wait a little longer, until my heart is ready to give up entirely to him. Just like before.

Maybe i won't get hurt this time.

I really wish....

-:-:-:-:-:-:-:-:-

I really wish i was able to end all of this, being home for too long it's driving so crazy i don't know what i'm even writing.

Anyways, we must stay home the more we follow all of this rules, the closer freedom is.

I love you so so much, please take care💕🥺🐯