It's taking all your strenght (Zarry /AU.) /English Version

97. Life is always in the way

Zayn

Luckily, the press hasn't gotten wind of the argument between me and Louis. For two days I've been seriously struggling with whether to call Harry or not. Tommo and Harry broke up. That would be my chance to take another step towards him and get things straightened out. But I am insecure. My soul, my body, my innermost is crying out for him, but my mind is putting a stop to it. I know Harry too well. Telling him my needs now would overwhelm Harry. He needs time. So I put my phone aside for the hundredth time and wait for the right moment for the hundredth time. I am so ready for our love and ready to confess it publicly. I am ready for everything he always wanted. 

But life is always in the way.

Gigi's not coming back. My anchor got lost. I cut the rope. So I float aimlessly and am free. No more lies, I swore to myself. My relationship with Gigi was the biggest lie of my life. I'm sorry for her and it hurts me. When I told her the truth, Gigi couldn't stop crying and begged me to stay. But I can't. I don't want another one tissue of lies. Once in a lifetime, I have to end things, honestly. That's what I did. There is no going back.

Harry

Gemma and I, are on our way to Holmes Chapel. We walk across the fields and meadows and talk. It's a balmy evening and it smells like hay.

 "What is the current state of affairs, Hazza, in your lovelife? You were thinking about Zayn in the garden earlier. What about Louis ? ," she wants to know. 

 I take a deep breath of the mild evening air.

"Yes, Gem, I was thinking of Zayn. I think about him all the time. That's the unholy pity of it. Lou and I were in a relationship until recently and the only thing that crossed my mind was Zayn. You know?"

 I look at her helplessly. 

"He influences my life." 

We stop at an oak tree. 

"Let's sit down," she says.

 We lie down in the dry grass and look at the sky. 

"Harry, you love Zayn." 

We lie silently next to each other for a while. I think about my sister's words. Yes, I love him. Over the years nothing has changed.

 "Why don't you just tell him, Haz. 

"How much more time will have to pass? Haven't you waited long enough?"

 I chew thoughtfully on a blade of grass. 

"Harry, it's time to talk. You love him like on the first day," Gemma emphasizes. 

"What about Gigi? She's still his girlfriend, Gem," I say. 

"Oh, come on. You know very well that she is half as important to him as you are. I know Zayn. Believe me," she says calmly. 

"Think about it, little brother. You should approach him. Zayn is too scared. Before he does something wrong, he'd rather do nothing and suffer. Isn't it? Listen to his music! It tells you everything. Read between the lines, Harry! It is so obvious that he worships you. So what are you waiting for?"

Later, Gemma's words come to mind again.

 "You should take the first step," she said. 

Can I do that? It is still too soon for that. I have to clear the air with myself first. Zayn has Gigi and I have just myself. If only he would give me a sign. Can I believe him? I remember his words in the club:

 "I would go to the end, Haz. No matter what it costs me". 

Would Zayn really do that? 

It's almost midnight and I'm still awake. Holmes Chapel is so quiet. Somewhere a lonely dog is barking. Otherwise is absolute silence. My phone lights up. A new message. 

There is no text to be seen. Only one letter is written.  "Z" 

Then follows a link to a video. That's all.