It's taking all your strenght (Zarry /AU.) /English Version

51. New Life

Harry

After a very nice first rendezvous with Tess, a headline appeared in the newspapers the following day. 

" Harry Styles has a brief relationship with Chef and Food-Bloggerin Tess Ward."

I really enjoyed the time with Tess. It was a new experience for me. She was a lively, cheerful and eloquent woman and gave my life balance and some sunshine again. When we went out , we rummaged for hours in gardens and at weekly markets, buying groceries and cooking together. My life was filled with joy .

Of course, I can't forget Zayn, but he isn't entirely the focus of my life.

In the fall, we both realized that our relationship was more friendly, not based on love. We parted and still remained good friends.

What I've always been accused of - to be the ladies man - I now lived to the fullest. I was always on the road, meeting friends and women and going to clubs. On a Victoria's Secret Show, I met Camille. She fascinated me. Camille was the epitome of beauty. She was blond, long-legged and had sensual lips. Rumors already started about us. Just before Christmas, the media brought out the following Information.

" Harry Styles introduced Model Camille Row to his family."

It had a new quality. After all, you only introduce your girlfriend to your family when it's serious, right? I also don't know how I came up with this idea. In any case, the press has already seen us get married.

Honestly, this relationship is just a romance for me. Love? Far from it. I still love Zayn. But Camille distracts me from him. I no longer feel the need to keep researching his activities. My pain isn't so great anymore. So I can handle the fact, that he lives with Gigi and I bear the pain without breaking. It sounds crazy, I know, but it works. On my nights, I dream about Zayn.

Zayn

My relationship with Gigi is entertaining, it distracts me. I lack intensity, desire and longing. I don't feel all that with Gigi. Love - as a real, deep feeling I was lack. I only have that with Harry. My girlfriend is a wonderful person. She brings cheerfulness and care into my life. When I often spend a lot of time in the studio and work, she brings me home-cooked food. I really appreciate it. With Gigi, I don't feel lonely anymore. She protects me to let my depression rule my life. But is that love? No, it isn't. My love belongs to Harry.

Harry enjoys his life at a breathtaking pace. He walks out of one relationship straight into another.  The media are full of it. Rumors that concern Harry are part of my morning rituals. It sounds really absurd and I behave oddly, but that's important to me. I struggle with it, because it tears me up and hurt me deeply. He once belonged to me and now I only have the articles in the newspapers.

Surprisingly, all his affairs are female, blond and blue-eyed. My thoughts go automatically to the fact, that I'm exactly the opposite of them. But I'm ashamed of this comparison. It just made me realize how attached my heart is to this man.

Since the last time we met in front of my apartment door, we have never met again and never heard of each other. I miss him. My heart is heavy when I think back to the evening. I shouldn't have let him go. Gigi doesn't suspect a thing. I need her to avoid depression. Gigi is my anchor, whom I appreciate and need - but I don't love her from the bottom of my heart. My love is Harry. When my longing is especially great, I listen to his album all the time. I'm trying to read between the lines, to decrypt the code. "From the Dining Table" is especially close to my heart. On sleepless nights I wrote him my answer. I know that he will listen  and understand it. I hope he realizes that I have never forgotten him. My answer is "From dusk till dawn".

Harry wrote in his song:

"Woke up alone in this hotel room." 

My answer: "You'll never be alone. I'll hold you when things go wrong."  "I'll be with you from Dusk till Dawn."

"Where were you?"  I answered him with the following line: "Baby I'm right here."

"Played with myself where were you?" Harry sang. He is telling me that he's playing with himself. When we used to wake up together, I snuggled up with him and we had sex. When he adds his question: 

"Where were you?"  I answer him: "I want to see the sunrise on your sins, just me and you. And I want to touch you baby." 

I want to be there with him right then, so he doesn't have to ask me where I am.