It's taking all your strenght (Zarry /AU.) /English Version

92. The Heartbeat II

Zayn

Now he's coming right at me and he's looking at me.

"Zayn? You knew it the whole time, that it was me, didn't you?"

I don't say anything so as not to embarrass him any more.

"Throw the cigarette away, Harry. Don't start smoking. Remember your asthma," I reply.

"Zayn, I was serious earlier."

He is quiet again and his eyes fix me.

"I miss you, Zayn. Really. I miss you," he whispers and speaks so softly.

"I miss you too, Haz. Really," I answer just as quietly.

"Do we belong together?" he asks.

"What do you mean, Harry?" He thinks briefly.

"Sometimes I'm so sure about it and then again I don't know." , he replies.

I lower my head's because I can't look him in the eye any longer.

"The question is what do you feel? Look into your heart and then answer."

Harry puts his hands on my shoulders. Under the touch I shudder.

"Zayn, honestly I don't know. I often can't feel my heart anymore. It beats steadily, but it feels empty."

"You don't feel anything anymore? What about Tomlinson? How do you feel about him?"

I'm interested. Harry shrugs his shoulders and his emerald green eyes are expressionless.

"My body and soul are numb. I feel emptiness, Zee. Louis doesn't fill it. I know it sounds strange , but it's the truth. Do you know the feeling when you only live from day to day and don't know what for?" He seems down and serious.

"Are you talking about your self-knowledge, Harry?"

The hands still lie on my shoulders. His fingers massage my shoulder blades.

"Zee...", he whispers. "I want to feel my heart again. I want to hear it beat again," he breathes and looks me insistently in the eyes.

"Harreehh", I cough.

"Do you only want to hear it beat once more or forever?" , I ask him.

We look at each other and remain silent. A lonely tear rolls down his face. My fingers stroke his cheek and my mouth kisses this tear away.

"For how long do you want to hear your heart beat?" I ask again. He opens his mouth.

"I've heard your new song - Me, myself & I" - "You've already done with us, haven't you?"

"Did I have another choice?" I answer him.

"You don't trust me. We could have so much more," he sobs.

"Harry, I ask again. For how long do you want to hear your heart beat?"

In order to give emphasis to my question, I take some distance from him.

"How far are you ready to go, Zayn?"

Suddenly I don't have to think about it much longer. With one blow I am ready to give everything, if he still wants me.

"I would go all the way, Haz," I breathe. "No matter what it costs me. "What about you?" I ask tremblingly. I fearfully await his answer.

"I want to feel my heartbeat again. I..." A loud voice interrupts us.

"Harry? Are you here?" shouts someone from afar.

"I'm here, Lou," he calls back.

That was it. Before we could make a decision, Tomlinson came by and ruined everything. That must be fate. My hands are buried in my trouser pockets. Damn it! This is so depressing!

"Sorry, Zayn. I have to go. He doesn't necessarily have to see us together."

"I understand, Harry."

Then I just pull him closer to me and kiss him on his trembling lips. As they touch, the mouths open instantly and the tongues meet. A hungry kiss, I think. Harry doesn't pulls out of the embrace. He can't get enough of it. He clings to me and presses himself against me.

"Oh God, Zee, don't let go of me again," he moans.

"No, Harry, you have to make the decision."

"Kiss me, Zayn," and he bites me in the lower lip.

The bite is full of lust and opens my mouth. With all his strength he pushes his tongue into it. His abdomen rubs against mine. Our excitement increases.

"Baby, I have..."

"No, Curley, I don't want to hear it now. I don't want to hear how much you miss me. Listen to your heart and act accordingly! And if you ever know who you want to share your life with, let me know. Okay?"

One last emotional kiss and then I leave him alone and disappear in the night.