It's taking all your strenght (Zarry /AU.) /English Version

1. Feelings of emptiness

Dear readers, thank you for reading my story. Please excuse my translation. English is not my mother tongue. However, I have worked hard. All my loveXXX

A/N: 

This book is partly based on the incredible Zarry investigation of a YouTuber named Zarry Documentaries. I combined her points of view with my ideas and my story was born.

Harry

The grey, leaden dawn disappears slowly. The daylight forces it way through the heavy clouds in the sky. It's February - my 23rd birthday was few days ago and I'm back in dreary London. I feel empty and depressed. My thoughts are wandering around. I try to focus on a point that brings me back to life, that takes my anger away, my loneliness, my inner conflict and my yearning. That's all I want.

Slowly I slip out of my bed and the warm blankets. The cold of the room envelops me instantly. I take a long hot shower and slowly awake my tired limbs - but I feel a dull ache in my head . In the mirror, I see melancholy. My green eyes - which people find so fascinating - look dull. My eyes are expressionless and so is my soul.

Since Zayn gave up "One Direction" and left me heartbroken, all I feel is the void in my life. I struggle desperately for almost two years ; fought back my tears, try to forget every detail - with no prospect of success . I love him. I miss him. I hate him. I need him.

My gaze fell on the computer. The craving for all informations about Zayn is great. Every day I pour gossip over my soul and drown myself in melancholy. My heart beats faster, my breath gets heavier. I hope - every day - I don't have to read any expressions of love from Zayn to Gigi. Instead, I want pictures of him that let me know he's just as unhappy as I am. Well, I want to see pictures of him, that show him torn and restless. The way I feel.

Fans and my friends mainly see me as "everybody's darling". Harry Styles, the always cheerful, friendly guy; the heartbreaker, womanizer and party animal. A few days ago I spent my birthday in Malibu in a big round. Tommy Lee, Adele, Cindy Crawford and other close friends celebrated with me. The weather was good, the alcohol was a bit too much. Everyone had fun.The next day, the newspapers report that I had an flirtation with a mysterious blonde.

"Harry Styles celebrates boozy 23rd birthday in style with 'tequila and karaoke' at star-studded Malibu Party"

"He was spotted happily chatting to a mystery blonde at the party, as he took the chance to celebrate with pals."

For a few hours I felt happy and carefree. Nothing revolved around Zayn. I was just free from suffering.