I Still Want You [Taekook] ✔

Chapter 10

Berlin - October 2016

Taehyung's P.O.V

I thought nothing worse than when someone who's supposed to love you just leaves without saying goodbyes. It turns out that haunted by a nightmare in the middle of the day is worse. And the worst is when you experienced both of them at the same time.

its been a month since I came back home, delete my social media account, and change my number. imagining that I will get better here, but actually its still the same. I can't forget every insulting word that I receive, I can't forget the text that he sent, I can't forget his press conference that afternoon, and unfortunately, I can't forget every moment with him. He left me so simply, yet I still love him so much.

My sister always worried about me, she never leaves me alone. and I feel bad about that. She is a busy career woman but she always spends most of her time accompany me. she afraid that I might cut myself.

lately, sitting on the swing bench while watching the night sky is my favourite thing to do. it's amazing how the sky has no end. beautiful with its own darkness, accompanied by a moon that stunned and blushed with a wistful face. The night sky seemed to tell me that "there are abundant light and warmth for me".

Every night, billions of my prayer fly through the sky. Every night, I whispered my longing for him through the night wind.

"Kim Tae" here she goes again.

"hmm"

"you okay?" she sits next to me.

"Oh My God, Noona. should you ask this every night?" I pouting my lips. and she just chuckled.

"Well, I just want to make sure that my dearest baby brother is fine." we just sitting in the silent night, like we always do.

"do you still love him?" I just nodded. God, why this love still feel so real when both of us know that there is no hope for me to be together with him.

"you're incredible Tae. he does all that things to you, yet you still relish him so much"

"Honestly, there is a small part of me who wants to hate him. He left me so easily and it makes me wonder if I ever meant anything at all. But another part of me can understand him. He spent half of his life to achieve his dream, training so hard for it, away from his family. So, he can't ruin it all for a man he just knew for three years"

"but he is so coward. breaking up via text? if it was me, I already kill him right now" and I'm laughing. How can she manage to kill him when he is a bunch of muscle. A muscle bunny.

"Well, right from the start he was never completely mine. So, I guess its okay. We didn't need to say goodbye to each other, we just ended what we had." I wiped the tears in the corner of my eyes. I don't know whether its the tears from my fake laughing or from my sadness.

"Guess you really love him. You always understand him, even without him asking" She said.

I always wear a smiling mask on a scarred face. wear a mask of happiness but what lies beneath is a withered soul.

* * *

Seoul - October 2016

Taehyung's P.O.V

I decided to go back to Seoul, even though my sister really really against it. She said I better move to study in Germany. But I can't do that. That person can keep his dream alive, so do I. I've been dreaming to be a songwriter since a long time ago, and I'll do my best to make it happen. Despite I lose another dream of mine. I used to have another dream, the dream that never came true, the future with him.

in the end, my sister allowed me to go back here with a condition that I move to the new house. Not a house, like the old one, but an apartment with a tight security.

I'm aware of all the glances that addressed towards me in the airports or on my way home. They glance at me like I'm an alien who they never see. Many of them whispering as I pass by. Whispering a word such as 'gay', 'disgusting', 'scandal', and even that person name. I thought they will forget everything after a month, but it seems like I was wrong. They still remember it clearly, as clear as the way I remember them.

the first day of school is like a start of torture for me. I already know what will happen to me. People will stare at me, whispering about me, and they gonna telling me how disgusting I am. I'm not really fancy of driving, but I decided to do that. It's better than receive a countless glance on the bus or subway. And what happens when I arrived at my campus, exactly like what I've been thought of before. It's so awkward when you hear and see something that kills you inside, but you have to act like you're fine. I can't let them know that I'm suffering. Suddenly a pair of arms hugs me from behind.

"Taehyung ah...." I look over my shoulder. it's Bogum Hyung. I tried to release my self from his hug, and push him away.

"Tae. Why did you push me?" he looks at me with a glint of sadness in his eyes.

"Hyung don't come near me. You can't get yourself to get in trouble" he rolls his eyes.

"Oh come on. I'm just talking with my best friend, what kind of trouble I can get" He wrapped his arms on my shoulder while I'm still trying my best to push him away. People look at us, and it will give him so much trouble and I can't let that happen. Finally, he pushed his hand away, and stand in front of me.

"Tae, listen to me. I don't care about what people going to say of me. Fuck yeah. I'm an actor. I'm working in the entertainment industry, Netizen really holds an important role in my career. But it doesn't mean they can drive my life. I can be friends with whoever I want, and they can't disallow me. You're my best friend, and no one can change it." he looked at me deeply.

"But hyung... "

"Shut up. I'm majoring in Business for a reason. you think I'm gonna work as an actor forever? Of course no."

I still hesitate. Is it really okay?

"Aww" Bogum Hyung flicked my forehead.

"Don't think too much. You will overwork your brain" He grinned widely, then grab my wrist.

"Let's go to class"

* * *

Namjoon's P.O.V

So tired. We just finished our music show recording for the promotion of our new song. Blood, sweat, and tears. Our group's condition is better now than the last month. It's not as good as the old days, but it's still a relief to me.

I still remember that night when Jimin came home with a picture of Taehyung's home. Jin hyung and Jimin crying like crazy, the sound of wailing echoed throughout the dorm. Yoongi hyung is throwing an outburst like a madman, he throws everything within his reach. Hoseok tried to compose himself, like me. And Jungkook. he just goes straight to his room. His eyes bleed with pain.

After that day, we are like a group of a stranger. Talking just when needed. The one who changed the most is Jungkook. And I understand that. this is very hard for him. He even locked himself for about two days before finally Sejin hyung asked him to go out for work purposes. He lost a lot of weight, he rarely eats. he looks like a zombie. And honestly, as a leader, this is the first time I don't know what to do.

Gradually things get better, the six of us start to get a conversation, have a meal together, and yeah we can go through with all the promotion without any problems. We start to laugh, to joke with each other.

And based on my observation, recently, Jungkook get close to a girl. A girl group member, Irene.