This Time I'll Hang, Close the Door (Kellin Quinn) {Book 1}

Chapter 12. A Handful of Moments

A/N: Hey, so I'm uploading 2 chapters today because I had to go to the hospital and I got really bored so I started writing! By the way, I've had enough of hospitals! Anyways, read on my lovies! I hope you love this chapter! <3

A Handful of Moments

Song: Therapy by All Time Low

~Summer~

I stared at Kellin as he bounced around the stage. Earlier we talked. I couldn't believe what he said. I mean, of course I believe it but I just can't believe something like this could ever happen to me. 

"Okay, this next song is called 'If You Can't Hang'! Sing as loud as you can for me!" Kellin said into his mic. 

God, I hate this song. I mean, the melody is beautiful and all that other stuff but this song is about me. I didn't even know this song was about me until four hours ago. The worst part was that Kellin knows that I'm watching him and he knows that I don't like the song since it's about me. But hey, at least he didn't dedicate it to me. I would have killed him. 

As I watched Kellin bounce around on stage and sing his heart out I couldn't help but notice he kept looking over at me. I don't think he noticed I saw him. Although he can't really see my eyes because they are covered by sunglasses. The sunglasses that I have had for years. Apparently the sunglasses Kellin bought me. 

"Okay, I hope you guys liked that song. It sounded like you did! The next song we're gonna play for you guys is called 'Do It Now Remember It Later'! Please, sing as loud as you can with us because this is our last song of our set!" Kellin said. 

I didn't even notice that the song was over? Wow, I need to pay more attention. I sighed and started walking back to my bus. I have to perform in two hours so I need to finish my song by then.

I have been working on an acoustic song and now since Kellin has performed a song about me I think I should perform this song tonight. I've been working on it ever since my mom told me I knew Kellin. 

So, yes it is about him. It's also about Rick, my Aunt Jazz, and my dad. It's just about how I feel waking up alone with a handful of moments I want to change but can't. It kind of sucks when you think about it. I lost my brother, my father, my aunt, and my Kellin. I can't really call him mine though, can I?

I walked into my bus and into the back room where my guitar and song journal is. I know I don't normally play guitar on stage or in front of people, but I need my guitar to write. 

I looked at the song I have been working on. "Give me therapy…" I sang quietly. What would sound good with that line? Seriously, that line is one of the three things I'm missing. I need three more lines for this song to be finished. "Give me therapy!" I sang with all my emotions. I was waiting for more lyrics to come out. Nothing… until it hit me, at least. "I'm a walking travesty!" I sang with the same emotion. 

Perfect. 

And it's true. I need therapy because I am a walking travesty. But of course I can't help it. 

One thing about me? I'm a travesty when everyone expects me to be Ms. Perfect. 

I'm not though. 

I'm nowhere near being Ms. Perfect! I have my problems. I have my secrets that no one knows, not even my band mates. And I have my moments. My moments where when I'm alone I will lose it. I will sit down, leaning against the wall. I will start sobbing, remembering everything that has made me into a travesty. 

The thing I really hate is that I'm even more of a walking travesty now. Now I know that I once loved Kellin Quinn. Now I know that I left him, hurt and heartbroken. I got my karma though. I was in a car crash that almost had killed me. 

Correction! A car crash that *should have killed me. 

I can and will wonder all day about why I should even be alive. What does God want me alive so bad for? I'm no better than the things people say about me. By the way, I really don't know why people think I'm so great. 

I sighed. I looked at the next lyrics. "My lungs gave out…" I sang quietly. "As I faced the crowd." I finished those lyrics. Good. 

Now I just have one more lyric to add. Crap! I have thirty minutes before I go on! I guess time flies by fast…

I bolted out of the bus with my beautiful acoustic guitar and my song book. In the song book I also wrote down our set list. 

Our set list that I wrote up consists of these songs:
The Drug In Me Is You
Tik Tok (Cover)
Scars
Blood Bath
Time And Time Again And Again
You Wish 
Therapy

(A/N: I know that The Drug In Me Is You is a Falling In Reverse song and Scars is a Papa Roach song but for this story pretend those songs belong to Sorry We're Late. And Blood Bath, Time And Time Again And Again, and You Wish are just random song titles I made up. As for the Tik Tok cover SWL's cover of the song is just Woe, Is Me's cover of it. Carry on reading now.)

I ran to my tent and to my band members. "Guys! Here is the set list for tonight." I said, tearing out the list from my journal and handing my list to my band mates. 

They all looked it over. They noticed I put 'Therapy' on the list and they smiled. I've showed them the song before and they kept bugging me to perform it already. 

"Yay! You're performing your new song! I'm sure everyone will love it!" Blu exclaimed as I smiled. Blu got close to me and whispered, "I'm sure Kellin will love it too." She winked. 

Blu, being my best friend of the girl gender, knows about my little crush. She also knows that I can write pretty good love songs. Songs that people can totally tell who they are about. But this song isn't a love song exactly. It's about losing love, the family type of love or the Kellin type of love. The Kellin type of love being his love. One thing I know I will never have again. 

I grinned playfully even though on the inside I felt insanely sad. This is the first time I will ever be singing about my aunt, brother, father, and Kellin. What if I mess up? I hope I don't. 

Soon enough it was time for us to play our set. Kellin was watching the whole time. We managed to get through most of our songs. It was time for me to perform the new song. 

The people backstage brought out my acoustic guitar and a stool or me to sit on. I placed my mic in the stand while they were doing this. I fixed it so it would be at a good level for me to sing. I sat down, tuning my acoustic real quick while fans screamed with excitement. I looked over and pretended to look at Blu, but really I was checking to see if Kellin was still watching out set. He was. Good. 

"Okay guys! For our last song I was thinking we could slow things down and I could play you a new song. Do you guys like that idea?!" I shouted happily to the crowd. 

I heard a roar of yeses. This made me smile. I seemed so happy to everyone. I was nervous on the inside of course. I don't think I have ever played guitar in front of anyone besides my friends and family. On stage I'm usually just bouncing around and singing. 

"Well that's good because you don't really have a choice," I chuckled into the mic. "This song is called 'Therapy' and it's about waking up alone with a handful of moments. I hope you guys like it." I started playing my guitar. 

My ship went down in a sea of sound
When I woke up alone, I had everything
A handful of moments, I wished I could change
And a tongue like a nightmare that cut like a blade

In a city of fools, I was careful and cool
But they tore me apart like a hurricane
A handful of moments, I wished I could change
But I was carried away

Give me a therapy, I'm a walking travesty
But I'm smiling at everything
Therapy, you were never a friend to me
And you can keep all your misery

My lungs gave out as I faced the crowd
I think that keeping this up could be dangerous
I'm flesh and bone, I'm a rolling stone
And the experts say I'm delirious

Give me a therapy, I'm a walking travesty
But I'm smiling at everything
Therapy, you were never a friend to me
You can take back your misery

Arrogant girl
Love yourself so no one has to
They're better off without you

Arrogant girl
'Cause a scene like you're supposed to
They'll fall asleep without you
You're lucky if your memory remains

Give me a therapy, I'm a walking travesty
But I'm smiling at everything
Therapy, you were never a friend to me
You can take back your misery

Therapy, I'm a walking travesty
But I'm smiling at everything
Therapy, you were never a friend to me
And you can choke on your misery

(A/N: I did change a couple words in the song to make it make more sense.)

I played the final notes as people cheered. I even saw some people crying. I didn't know if they were crying because the song was beautiful or because they have lost people like I have. 

I looked back and saw Kellin smiling. He must have noticed me looking because he motioned with his finger for me to come over there. 

"Thanks guys! I hope you really liked that song. That was the end of our set but make sure you see us perform again super soon! We love you all! Goodnight!" I yelled happily into my mic. 

We all finished putting away our instruments and I went over to Kellin. He lightly grabbed my wrist, leading me away from everyone. Soon enough we were away from the venue and started walking to a nearby park. I didn't even notice when he let go and turned to me. He was staring at me, waiting for me to say something I guess. 

His staring made me feel self conscious. I've always felt self conscious about my body and weight. I've also felt self conscious about my boobs. They aren't big or anything so I feel like guys don't think I'm worthy of their time. Not like I am some slut or anything but it's still nice to get attention from guys. 

I slowly crossed my arms over my chest. "So why did you want to talk to me?" I asked quietly. 

Kellin's face looked emotionless. "What was that song about?" he asked sternly. 

"Why do you care?" I snapped. He had a shocked look on his face. Maybe I should try to be nice to him. "I mean, I thought you hated me."

He chuckled and shook his head. "I don't hate you. I just… what was that song about?"

I shrugged. "It pretty much explains itself."

"Okay, well who was that song about?"

I raised an eyebrow. "Kellin, do I really have to tell you? You should know."

He smiled. "Summer, I know that song wasn't fully about me. What's wrong?"

I pulled him over to the grass to sit down. "Kellin, it was also about my aunt, my brother, and my dad."

"Why? What happened to them?"

I sighed. I didn't feel like crying though. I've gotten closure before and it's been years. "My brother and my dad we're in a fire. And my aunt died from breast cancer. That's why I have a tattoo of a pink ribbon on my chest. And I also have tattoos of my dad's and my brother's names."

He looked stunned. "I-I'm sorry. I didn't know."

"It's okay. So Kellin, why did you want to talk to me?" I asked. 

"I was talking to Vic and he gave me an idea. Maybe we should just forget about the past and get to know each other now. What do you think?"

I giggled. "He told me the same thing. I agree."

"So I was thinking that maybe tomorrow we could do something after both of our sets."

I blushed. "Are you asking me out?"

"It sounds that way. So what do you say?" He grinned. 

I nodded. "Yeah, tomorrow sounds good. Now maybe we should go back to the venue before our buses leave without us in them." I couldn't help the huge grin on my face. 

He grinned back at me. "Yeah, sure."

A/N: Yo' guys! I hope you liked the chspter. I know that Therapy is All Time Low's song but just for this story it isn't. Anyways, continue on reading please and don't forget to vote, comment, and fan me!------------------------------------------------->>>>>>>>>>>