Chapter 37. I'm Barely Hanging On

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A/N: Sorry if it is short and/or has errors! I promise you guys will love this chapter! Chapter title is from: Bulletproof Love. :)

I'm Barely Hanging On

Song: Bulletproof Love


I was pacing back and forth. How am I going to do this? I love him so much, he loves me so much... but I think she might be right.

Kellin's on tour, so that means I'm here in LA, working on our new record, working on a recording studio, and getting "help". Blu is staying with me at my place, taking care of me and my dogs, making sure I eat, and just being there for me. It's only been two weeks since everything went done. I just had my first appointment with my new therapist, Amanda (Mandy) Stayly.

She kind of helped. She did make me realize what I need to do for myself. I need to get my shit together for the people I love.

But then she told me to do something that I'm not sure if I can. I've been pacing around in my living room for the past hour just thinking of how I'm going to do this. I don't really want to, but it's for my own good. Before I love anyone, and I quote, I need to learn to love myself. And plus I'm pretty sure Kellin is tired of putting up with me. With all my thoughts, problems, past, emotions... I bet he's disgusted, but he just puts on a good face.

Okay. I'm going to do this. I gotta. It's for the best. I picked up my iPhone from the coffee table and called him. Ring... Ring... Ring.


"So ever since the end of summer you've been like this?"

"Yes." I nodded.

"You've changed from a nice, lovely young woman to someone who no one wants around. Summer, I find that hard to believe," Mandy said and smiled at me. She couldn't have been a day over forty and wears bright colors to match her hot pink and bleach blond hair.

"It's true, I feel terrible. I weigh like, ninety pounds, I'm rude to people I care about, I'm an emotional wreck, and I scream a lot more in songs. I hate it, and so do the people I love. I'm either always angry or sad, whether it be at myself or at others. Everyone is tired of putting up with me because of stupid changes I've made. Even my fiancé doesn't like me anymore!" I looked her dead in the eye. Hers were a nice light green, matching her pant suit. Mine were confusing. Half the time they were blue. The other they were green. And they always have that orange ring around the pupil.

I'm pretty sure Kellin doesn't like me anymore. Well, I know he still loves me, but not the person I've been since the end of Warped.

"Summer, I think that maybe you should make some changes in your life."

"But I did and now Kellin hates me!" I whined.

She chuckled. "No... I'm talking about a change of scenery, looks, and maybe even the people around you."

"Explain," I quickly ordered. "Please."

"Oh, I don't know. Get a new hair style, or maybe even dye your hair. Get away from all the stress of being a musician for a week or two and the stress of starting a record company. Maybe go on a vacation by yourself or with your friend Blu. And what I think you should do for sure... dump Kellin."

My eyes widened. "What?!"

"You say that you started all these changes, not eating, getting covered in tattoos, screaming a lot more, getting more emotional... all when you and Kellin started dating. And it's apparently only gotten worse since you accepted his marriage proposal. For one thing, it's stressing you out. And two, it's too soon. I know you love him, but before you learn to love anyone else you gotta love yourself. After you get to know yourself maybe you could get to know the people around you better, Kellin maybe being one of those people. You need to cut him off and figure things out for yourself, not a wedding you want to have in the matter of four months. All in all, Kellin, in my opinion, is no good for you."

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