This Time I'll Hang, Close the Door (Kellin Quinn) {Book 1}

Chapter 8. I'm Sorry

I'm Sorry

Song: Nine In The Afternoon by Panic! At The Disco 

~Summer~

"I knew Kellin…" I mumbled as I looked at the ceiling. After my mom told me the story I started crying. I didn't want her to see that though. So here I am now, lying in my bed, crying at midnight. 

I feel so terrible. One, I yelled at my mom. She has been through so much bull so I shouldn't have raised my voice. And I can understand how she didn't want to lose another loved one. 

Two, they were right. Everyone in SWS said that it was me, and they were right. And instead of being my normal nice self I was a bitch to them. 

Three, I was terrible to Kellin. He really is sweet. His girlfriend totally deserves him. Honestly if he didn't have a girlfriend and he didn't hate me I would try to fix things and maybe we could… no, he will never forgive me. 

But I promise you that I will say sorry. 

One thing that makes me wonder is that if I said yes to Kellin then why didn't I stay there? I shouldn't have gotten into that car accident. I wish I stayed with him. 

I tossed and turned for the rest of the night. I finally got up at 10:30 and walked into the kitchen to see my mom making breakfast. She was busy cooking bacon to notice me.  

"Mom?" I whispered so I wouldn't scare her to much. 

She turned around. "Summer, I'm so sorry about last night. I should have told you about-" 

I cut my mom off by hugging her. "It's okay mom. He has a girlfriend now anyways and I'm sure he loves her very much." I murmured into her shoulder. 

She hugged me back, just tighter. I felt her tears run onto my neck. "Summer, you should be with him."

I pulled away and shook my head. "No. I did something to break his heart. If I didn't hurt him then he wouldn't hate me and I would have stayed in Florida with him. But that doesn't matter anymore," That was a lie. "I mean, it's the past. Ancient history," Bigger lie. "Mom, I want you to do something with me today."

"What is it sweetie?" she asked me as she wiped away her tears. This is a usual thing for her. Always wiping away tears. 

"Just get dressed," I said as I saw she was in her pajamas. "I want this to be a surprise." I ran back to my room to get ready. 

I took off my pajamas and put on clean closes. I put on a loose and baggy dark blue cropped top over a tight white tank top. The blue shirt had the American flag on it. I pulled on some black skinny jeans and my American flag Toms that I got from a fan. I put my hair into a braid and put on my makeup. I must say, I looked good!

I went downstairs and saw that my mom was ready to go. We got into her car, with me in the drivers seat. 

"So, where are we going?" my mother asked as we drove down the street. 

I smiled to myself. "A secret place. Don't worry about it." I insisted.

My mom smiled. "Okay, I trust you." she said as she turned on the radio. She hummed along to The Beatles and I couldn't help but join in. 

If you ever ask me where I get my voice from I would say from my mom. My dad wasn't a performer and was terrible at singing, but he didn't care. I get my 'I don't give a fuck' attitude from my dad though. And I get my kindness from both parents. 

I stopped the car on the side of the road and got out. We were at the cemetery. My mom was going to get the closure that she has needed for years. 

"Summer," my mom said as she got out of the car and looked to see where we were. "Why are we at the cemetery?"

I grabbed her hand and brought her into the cemetery and to where my father and brother are buried. When I turned back to my mom she was crying. "Mom, what's wrong?" I asked as I let go of her. 

"Summer, I haven't been here since…" She couldn't speak because of the tears flowing from her eyes.

I say down and motioned for her to do the same. She did and I spoke. "Every year I come here and poor my heart out to Dad and Rick. From now on I want you to do the same. You have fourteen years of stuff to tell them. Start talking mom." I smiled. 

After I said that she spoke, and cried, and acted like my dad and Rick were alive and there with us. I was taking pictures while this was going on. I took a picture of my mom smiling down at the gravestones. 

I edited it and posted it to Instagram with a caption saying 'My mom, dad, and brother. I love you guys.'

Once it was posted I slipped my phone into my back pocket and saw that my mom was done speaking. "Summer, this felt so good to let everything out. Thank you!" she said as she got up and hugged me.

I hugged back. "Your welcome." I mumbled. 

She pulled away and sniffled. "I'll leave you alone so you can…" she trailed off. 

I knew what she meant though. I handed her the car keys and sat down. My mom made her way to the car. I was left alone with my father and brother. 

I sniffled. "Wow. There is so much I need to tell you guys. First of all my band and I are releasing our first studio album soon. And we get to go on Warped Tour 2012. It's been really fun. I've also met someone. His name is Kellin. I've dated a lot of boys before, but Kellin has something different and we aren't even dating. He reminds me of you two. He's smart, funny, has black hair, follows his dream, and he is sweet. Of course not to me though. He has every right to hate me though," I cried. I've never felt this way about a boy before, so I don't know what to do when it comes to Kellin. "I think I broke his heart, but how would I know. I should have died in the crash. But for some reason God was giving me another chance. Dad, Rick, I don't know what that chance is! I've been searching and searching for the reason why God let me live and I just can't find it! As soon as I saw Kellin at Warped I thought he could be the reason. But no, because I fucked up when we first met." I hung up head in my hands. 

Yes, I admit it; I maybe possibly have tiny feeling for him. Who wouldn't though?! I found out that he was my first everything! First boyfriend, first kiss, first love, first time! I can't help but have this feeling that if he wasn't dating that Beth girl he talks to the guys about that I could be with him. Like I said though, he hates me and I fucked up though. 

Maybe it would help if I found out how I fucked up though! I still don't know that part. 

I stood up and looked at the gravestones. "Bye Daddy. Bye Rick." I mumbled before turning away and walking back to the car. 

All I wanted to do before I came home was get here. Now that I'm here with my mom I just want to go back and talk to Kellin, and Jesse, and Gabe, and Jack, and Justin. I want to tell them all that I'm sorry for being a bitch to them. And I want to tell Kellin I'm sorry for that summer back in 2003, even though I can't remember it. 

----

I sat down on the couch in our bus. I was about to go and find SWS but first I need to tell everyone that I'm back and the shows will resume as planned. 

'I'm back from Cali! Shows will continue as planned :)' 

I looked at my tweet and smiled. I'm glad to be back. I love it back in California but after living there your whole life it starts to suck. 

Anyways, I sent out the tweet. I got off my lazy ass and started heading towards the SWS tent. Theirs was right near mine and mine was right next to Pierce The Veil's tent. Guess what the guys were doing? Having a fight with their water guns. 

Oh man have I missed these guys. 

I walked past them and they noticed me, sadly. I was squirted with water by Vic and Jaime before I could run to my tent. 

"Haha! Got ya!" Vic shouted in triumph. 

I sighed as I realized I was wearing a white shirt. "You guys are dipshits sometimes, but sadly I love ya guys." I said as I walked to my tent and grabbed a black shirt with the words 'Sorry We're Late' on it in electric blue. 

I got behind Trent and quickly changed my shirt, gaining some whistles from Vic, Jaime, Mike, and Tony. 

I rolled my eyes and fixed the shirt I put on. I scanned around. No Kellin around. Wait, why? Where's Kellin?

I walked over to Vic. "Hey, where is Kellin?" I asked him. 

"Why do you care? I think you like him!" Vic teased. 

I chuckled. "Yeah, sure. Anyways, I just need to talk to him about something."

"You spend a lot of time with Sleeping With Sirens. Is there something going on with you and Kellin? You know he has a girlfriend, right?!" He overreacted. 

I nodded. "I no he does. I just wanted to tell him sorry." 

Vic grabbed my hand and brought me somewhere where no one else was. We were all alone. "Tell him sorry for what?" he asked me. 

"It's a long story, Vic."

"I'm here to listen." He smiled. 

I smiled back. "Thanks. So, promise you will believe me when I say this?" I stuck out my pinky. 

"You’re so lame!" Vic laughed as he wrapped his pinky around mine. 

I sighed and sat in the grass. He did as I did and listened. "It all started when we were about seventeen. I apparently knew Kellin when we were seventeen and we dated." 

"Woe! Are you sure that you are talking about Kellin Quinn?" Vic asked, interrupting me. 

"Is Kellin's real last name Bostwick?"

"Yes."

"Than yes, I am. Anyways, we dated and I did something to break his heart or whatever. All I know is that while I was driving home from the airport I got into a car crash and I lost about a years worth of memory. My mom never told me I knew Kellin and neither did anyone else. I seriously just found out that Kellin and I dated." I explained. 

"Wait, Kellin never tried to contact you?" 

"No. Well, I guess not. If he called me then my mom or someone else answered the phone." I shrugged. 

"Well, do you still like him?" 

"What?!" I couldn't believe he would ask such a thing! 

"Do you. Still like. Kellin?" he asked once again. 

"I don't know. I don't even know how we broke up! And it's not like it matters, Kellin hates me." 

"He doesn't hate anyone. Maybe he acts like he hates you just because it's easier than admitting that he really misses you." Vic said, making me wonder. 

I shook my head. "No, he hates me. I know it." I muttered. 

Vic shook his head. "The past is the past, Summer. Maybe you guys should forget about it and just try to become friends."

"I can't though! I can't stop thinking about how I knew Kellin! I can't stop thinking about how somehow I hurt him and we broke up! I can stop thinking about how if I wasn't such a fuck up then Kellin and I would still be together and I wouldn't have gotten hit by some guy who was texting while driving! Goddammit! I can't sleep knowing I hurt someone so bad that they still hate me after almost ten years!" I almost shouted. 

Vic's lips slowly formed into a stupid grin. "Summer, you like Kellin. A lot. I'm going to tell you a secret. Kellin went home for two days so he could break up with Beth, his girlfriend. I don't know why. But the point it, let go of your past with him and start over. Get to know him all over again. I can tell that there will be something great to spark from the two of you." Vic said. And with that, he stood up off the ground and went back to his tent. 

"Spark from us?" I asked. Wait, Kellin went home?

I knew two things right then and there. One, it's true. I'm falling for Kellin Quinn. And for the second time too. And two, Kellin is breaking up with Beth for a reason. 

Don't you think it's kind of weird that while I'm gone he decided to break up with Beth, thinking I wouldn't find out?

A/N: Yo', what's up homies??? I'm lame, I know... Anyways, from now on I can only post chapters during the week days so that's why it took me forever to post this. One another note, vote, comment, and fan please. Thanks!

~Catt