After Change (Kian Lawley) {BOOK 4}

67

On the way to my house, Harry had found a letter in my glove box—well, a couple of letters. He found one addressed to himself, one addressed to Louis, one to Kelcee, Kian, Kaitlyn, Jc, Matt, Nash. Every single one of my friends. They dated back to when Kian and I were no longer married and I was in that depressed phase of the cycle where I poured my heart out into paper. Harry read his first.

Dear Harry,

I miss you. This the sixth letter that I've written in the past two hours. I have poured my heart out in the last six letters and nothing seems to help the feeling of loneliness that I have. I know you'll never read this but this somehow helps me. This is somehow my therapy. If this was good therapy though, I wouldn't be on the sixth pointless thing.

I miss him. I miss him so much. Why did he have to lie to me? Why did he lead me on? Why do I feel like I have no one? I mean I don't even have you anymore. You just kind of disappeared off the face of the earth and I haven't heard from you in years. Yeah, you're probably really busy but you couldn't just stop a second and ask me how I'm doing? Or even say hi? I wish you were still in my life. If you were still in my life, maybe I wouldn't be thinking of dying every five seconds. That's dramatic but it's also the truth. I love you, Harry Styles.

You have been my best friend since I was 18 years old. You make me feel like I'm at home. I loved you, you know? Like i was in love with you when Kian had left and I ended up pregnant. I loved you so deeply but I could do nothing about the love I had for you. Maybe it was just my hormones but I wanted you in my life. Then, you appeared in my life and Kian did as well and my love had went to Kian. I wish I would've chosen you. Because now I have no one. Absolutely fucking no one.

I'm gonna go. I love you, Harry.

Haylie

Once he had finished reading his letter, he looked at me with tears filling his bright green eyes. His eyes get so much lighter when he cries.

"I'm such a bad person, Haylie. I'm so sorry I wasn't there for you. I was so busy–"

"Harry, it's okay. Really. These letters mean nothing to me anymore. I was going through a hard time but I'm okay now." I smiled at him before looking back at the road.

"Okay, Haylie. I love so much, love." He said, going to the second letter. It had Cameron's name on the front of it. Oh god.

"Can I read this one, Haylie?" Harry asked, softly, eyeing the envelope carefully.

I breathed in and out deeply before nodding. He peeled open the seal and pulled the notebook paper out. His fingers unfolded the very long letter and scummed over it before starting.

Cameron,

You're an asshole. I fucking hate you with a passion. Yeah, yeah 'hate is a strong word' but I fucking. hate. you. You are a piece of shit and I'm so glad you're in jail. You don't deserve to get out of there. You don't deserve to be cared about by anyone. You don't deserve your fans, if you still have any. You don't deserve your family. You don't deserve oxygen. You don't deserve to live. I hope you grow old in that fucking prison. I don't ever want to see you again. You've emotionally fucked me up. I can't look at anyone the same because of what you did.

I have so many questions for you. Like, why? What made you decide to rape me?

Harry cringes at that word.

What was going through your fucking mind when you were doing that? Why did you want to have a child with me so fucking bad? Why do you hate me? Why do you hate Kian so much? Why do you hate everyone? What has anyone ever done to you to make you hate every single one of us?

"Haylie, i can't finish this. This pisses me off." Harry says, crumbling the letter up and tossing it on the floor.

I sigh and tighten my grip on the steering wheel. "I'm glad you stopped. The letter gets worse."

I could feel his bright green eyes pierce into my soul before he bent over and grabbed the crumbled pieces of paper up from the floor and unfolded it. He quickly found his place and read as I drove down the road to my house. I parked outside of my house and turned the car off, looking out the window, chewing on my freshly painted nails as he finished the letter.

Soon, I felt a hand on my shoulder, signaling me that he was finished. I looked at him and he had tears in his eyes once again.

"Haylie, there's a letter in here–"

"I don't want to reread what I wrote." I cut him off.

"No no, there's a letter in here from him. You're gonna wanna read it before we go inside." He said before handing the paper over to me.

I grabbed the paper from his hand and started reading, my eyes growing wide with each word that was read.

By the end of the letter, I was in tears. "Why didn't he tell me?"

After that, we walked inside the house. Well, I did. Harry stayed outside on the porch while I went in and grabbed the kids.

"Hey kids? There's a surprise for you guys outside. Come see." I said, wiping under my eyes. They didn't ask but ran outside. Kian followed.

"Hey baby, are you okay?" He asked, grabbing my wrist.

"I'm okay. I have to talk to you later, okay?" I said, trying not to cry again.

He nodded and slid his fingers through mine and led me outside.

"No way! Harry Styles is on my front porch! Oh my god!" I could practically hear Sierra scream as we walked on the front porch.

Once the kids came into view, I smiled and all the bad things faded away. All I cared about was my family and Harry at the moment and that's how it should've been.

"Harry's the friend you were going to see, wasn't he?" Delilah asked. I nodded and smiled at her.

"He was there when you were born. He was there when Sierra was 4. He's been there practically my whole life and he means a lot to me." I said, staring into his eyes as I said all of this. He smiled and looked down at the ground for a quick second then looked back at me.

"I love a lot, Haylie. You're like a sister to me." He said.

"I love you, Harry." I told him.

"Hey! I'm getting jealous over here!" I hear Kian say in a terrible British accent. I laugh and look at my husband, kissing his lips.

"I love you most of all." I whispered to him which caused him to smile.

"We should head inside before fans decide to bombard the house." Sierra suggested. We all agreed with her and walked inside.

"Harry, you wanna catch up with the kids for a little bit? I have to talk to Kian."

"Yeah, that's fine. I missed them anyways." I nodded before going upstairs with my husband following close behind.

Once we were upstairs, we went into our bedroom and I locked the door. Kian sat on the bed. I started playing with my fingers and pacing around the room which apparently made Kian anxious because he kept asking me what was wrong and if I was alright.

"Haylie? Talk to me, babe. What is it?"

I stopped and looked him dead in the face before speaking.

"I have to see Cameron again."

ITS NOT GOING IN BOLD ANYMORE SAD. But anyways, I'll write the letter form Cam in the next chapter. sorry for the slow updates!

I get to see Harry in 239 days and I couldn't be more excited!

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