Behind The Smile(Zoella)

My Job!

I think theres one more update after this and thats it!! I cant believe this is over soon ;| Im still not sure on a sequel to this one, maybe around Christmas time we'll see ;)
Hope you enjoy, lovelies xx
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"Zoe, she's not moving. She can't do this without you," Francesca encouraged.

I shook my head and put it back down into the pillow, whimpering.

"I can't," I whimpered, weakly. "I can't, Alfie."

"Yes you can Zoe, do it for our little baby," He encouraged, I shook my head.

"Zoe, she's in a lot more pain than you are right now. We need her out as soon as possible."

I wasn't even lieing. I'd been in labour for almost 7 hours. I'd been pushing for nearly a whole hour. I haven't slept for a whole 24 hours and they're telling me to push?

I want to but I really can't. I just don't have the strength left in me.

"Zoe, I believe in you," Alfie whispered, squeezing my hand. "Go on, don't do it for anybody but yourself. Prove to yourself you can do it."

I shook my head and lay down. A machine started buzzing in the background and a couple more nurses came in.

"Zoe, we're going to have to put you in for an emergency c-section if the baby isn't out within the next 20 minutes," Francesca warned.

No way, no way in hell was I going in for a c-section. I'm to scared to.

"Agh!" I screamed as put every bit of strength I had left into my push.

"That's it baby, you're doing great," Alfie encouraged kissing my sweaty forehead.

"Fuck," I cursed, silently under my breath repeatedly.

"Zoe, a few more pushes like that and the worst will be done," Our midwife smiled. "The heads almost here."

I nodded and kept pushing, I was pushing hard. I was putting my everything into these pushes, I was going to do it.

I pushed for what seemed like forever but was in fact only 7 minutes.

"Zoe, just the shoulders. Come on, big push," Francesca yelled over the top of machines buzzing.

Time dragged, it was awful. Eventually I felt the pain get better. It wasn't all
gone but it was more or less.

The room fell silent for a moment. All that could be heard was Alfie and I's unsteady breathing.

Baby's should cry, they're meant to cry. Nothing happened for what seemed like forever, I was just watching the crowd of hospital staff around my little girl.

Alfie didn't even cut the umbilical cord as they needed it done quickly, he wanted to do that part but I think he was willing to sacrifice it if it meant we had a chance.

"Is she okay?" I squeaked, the room was still silent.

"Please," Alfie begged, a little wince was heard from the corner of the room and I assumed the worst.

Minutes passed and then an incubator was wheeled in the room. That has to be a good sign.

Our baby girl, was indeed tiny, was placed inside and a lot of tubes were attached to her. Then she was wheeled back out again, quickly.

Nobody told us what had happened until they'd cleaned up the mess. It was only because I let out a scream of desperation that Francesca walked towards us.

"The good thing is, she's got a steady heartbeat. She's breathing for the moment but we have given her breathing assistance. We've placed her in the baby unit to keep an eye on her, you can see her later but for now, get yourself sorted out and we'll look after the baby," She nodded, before exiting the room.

Alfie and I didn't even say anything, we just looked at each other, sadness and worried looks in our eyes.

I began to cry and Alfie held me, my poor baby girl. It's all my fault, I should've look after her better, I should've only focused on her rather than other people's needs.

And because I didn't do that, look where she is now. She's lieing with a tube hanging out of her mouth and barely able to breathe.

Joe came running in the room and hugged me too. I'm guessing he saw them wheel her away.

"Zoe, she'll be okay you know," Joe whispered. "They will look after her and her her better."

"But that's what I was meant to do! I was meant to look after her and keep her well!" I sobbed, they both kept hugging me.

"At least she's here with us Zoe, think on the positive side," Joe reminded me, I nodded.

I guess I could be in a much worse situation right now. I was emotional already and this just added to it.

Alfie kissed my cheek and then they both let go of me.

"Zoe, come on. Why don't you have a bath and sort yourself out, then we'll ask if we can see her," Alfie suggested, I nodded and took his hand as he eased me up from the bed.

"I'll go buy you some food, you must be starving," Joe smiled, leaving the room.

"Don't worry Zoe, everything will be okay," Alfie reminded me, kissing my quickly.

But will it, will it all be okay? I thought to myself as I climbed in the bath.