Behind The Smile(Zoella)

Morning Sickness

I actually felt really sick writing this chapter.. Wouldn't recommend eating it while eating pizza or whatever you eat, I mean unless you aren't like easily sick or whatever idek
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Alfie knocked on the door gently.

"Zoe, baby come back to bed," He groaned, groggily.

I sighed and rested my head against the door, weeping slightly. My heart was pounding and the room was spinning.

"I can't," I whimpered, desperately.

"Let me in then?"

I shuffled, slowly away from the door to let Alfie into the bathroom.

"Come on baby," He sighed, kneeling on the floor with me.

"Every time I move, I'm sick again," I cried, resting my head on Alfie's chest.

"Aw, I'm sorry you have to.." I cut him off by leaning over the toilet and throwing up. He followed me and held my hair back and rubbed my back, gently.

I groaned loudly and then began to throw up again.

"I'd take it away if I could baby," He soothed.

"The seconds pregnancy's meant to be better, it's worse," I whined, sitting back into Alfie's chest.

"It just means that our little ones healthy, darling," He kissed my forehead, I knew I stank of vomit but he did it anyway.

I'd started having a panic attack last night when I was vomiting. I was so scared right now, I hate being sick. I hate being around sick and I hate the smell of sick.

I want to go and rock back and forth in a corner just sitting in this room, but I'm trying to stay calm for the sake of the baby.

My chest was pounding but I was trying to breathe and get through it.

It wasn't helping that I was tired at the minute because I've been up since 3am every night for the past 4. I'm falling asleep in the middle of the day but being wide awake at night and throwing up.

It's worse than jet lag, honestly.

I kneeled over by the toilet again and vomited. How much more puke have I got in me?

I sat back against the wall after brushing my teeth and sitting back with Alfie.

"Little one, come back to bed and let's have a cuddle," He smiled.

I pulled a face and looked at the loo.

"Don't worry baby, I'll bring a bucket. Just come have a cuddle," He laughed, taking my hand and dragging me back to bed.

I'm surprised the twins haven't woken up, the amount of noise I've been making. They must be heavy sleepers like Alfie, he only wakes up because he rolls over to have a cuddle and I'm not there.

We were all tucked up under the covers and I had my back to Alfie, his body perfectly moulded around mine and his arm wrapped gently over my belly, I placed my arm over the top of his.

He kissed my head and then down my neck, sweetly and hummed into my hair.

"Go to sleep beautiful, if you need to throw up again, the buckets here," He said, pointing to the bucket on the floor.

I nodded before closing my eyes, I think the feelings gone for now. I'm so glad.

"I love you," Alfie whispered into my hair.

"I love you too," I smiled, lifting his hand up to kiss it before closing my eyes and drifting off to sleep.
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I woke up to the smell of bacon drifting up the stairs, it smelt nice for a while but then it started making my stomach churn and gave me the familiar feeling rising up my body.

Instead of running to the bathroom, like any normal person would, I ran down the stairs to the kitchen to try and stop the smell.

I switched the oven off before wretching a little over the sink. Nothing happened, it just resulted in the kids giving me some funny looks.

"Do you not like bacon, mummy?" Danielle asked, curious.

I wiped my mouth and had a drink before answering.

"I do, but apparently the baby doesn't," I giggled, weakly before drinking again.

"Well, I like bacon," Danielle shrugged before walking away, no sorry strutted away. I laughed quietly to myself before throwing up again.

That  was how I spent most of the day to be honest, turns out morning sickness isn't just for the morning...

I couldn't stomach anything apart from dry Rice Krispies, don't even ask why because I don't even know, and potatoes. But not even cooked potatoes, just fresh out the packet potato.

Seriously though, when else would you think it was acceptable to just eat a raw potato?

I kinda have a love hate relationship with pregnancy... Sometimes I love it and get that whole 'glow shit or whatever' and sometimes I just want to throw myself into a wall and get the crap over with.

Today is one of those days...