Behind The Smile(Zoella)

Let Go

Sorry I didn't upload, I've had a really crap weekend and I haven't been the happiest tbh but I'm okay now:) Filler chapter I guess kinda, sorry! Either way hope you enjoy!
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"Okay, big smiles for Mummy!" I cried, bending down as far as I could and taking a picture of the twins. They were wearing their school uniforms which made them look even more grown up, I wanted to cry!

"Cheese!" They grinned, holding each other's hands. Danielle's brown hair was tied into bunches and Patrick had his hair swept over to the side.

"Are we all ready then?" Alfie asked, putting his arm around me. I sighed, I'd been mentally preparing myself for this day for a while.

"Yes!" They squealed, running to get their bookbags.

"How about you, little one, are you ready?" Alfie asked, kissing my cheek.

I shook my head, no and turned around to look at him. I rested my head on his chest and wrapped my arms around him.

"They're going to grow up and leave home and I'm not ready for that," I sniffed, biting my cheek to stop tears from falling.

"Woah, they're only 4, we've got a whole while yet darling," Alfie kissed me quickly. "Quickly, we don't want to be late on their first day."

I nodded and took his hand as he pulled me out to the car.

"Who's excited?!" I asked, I needed to know they were happy to make me feel better.

They both nodded, Danielle more enthusiastic than Paddy but that was normally the case.

The drive was 10/15 minutes up the road but it went by so much quicker. You don't appreciate how long you actually have when they're babies...

"Here we are then," Alfie smiled, how was he taking it this well?

"Daddy, I feel sick," Paddy whispered, I turned around to see.

"Well, so does Mummy," I whispered.

"Is that because of the baby, Mummy?" Danielle asked, innocently.

"Yeah, something like that," I lied.

No it wasn't because of the baby, in fact, the sickness from the baby inside my belly had more or less stopped. I felt sick because my two bigger baby's were going to leave me. They wouldn't need me to tell them what something said and I'd have to stop doing everything for them...

Alfie rubbed my shoulder and kissed my cheek.

"Come on then, let's go get our school on!" Alfie chanted, opening the car door. I opened mine, reluctantly, and then grabbed a hold of Danielle who was about to run across the road into the school building.

I wanted to tell her off, but didn't have the heart. Although, she doesn't seem fazed by the fact that she's going to school, she just seems excited.

She looked up at me, her big blue eyes blinking as if she knew what was coming. I shook my head but then took her hand in mine and waited for Patrick and Alfie.

Patrick shuffled out of the car towards us, clinging onto Alfie's hand. Fear was evident in his blue eyes and I'm pretty sure he didn't want to go.

"Ready?" Alfie asked. I nodded, followed by Dannii that gave an enthusiastic head nod and Patrick he nodded his head a tiny bit.

I giggled and swung Danielle's arm as we walked over the road and into the school building.

There was a teacher standing at the door to welcome everyone. She gave the kids a warm smile and then ushered us inside.

I took in the sight in front of me. The classroom was fairly big but somehow looked small with all the people fussing in it.

The room smelt of tears (do tears smell?) and gave off a weird feeling of happiness, fear and sadness.

Or maybe that was just me.

"Hello you two," A fairly tall lady with blonde hair and brown eyes smiled, kneeling down to be eye level with the kids. "My name is Miss Drew, I'm your new teacher, are you excited?"

Danielle nodded and Patrick groaned, I looked down at him.

"Everyone asks me that," He cried, wrapping his arms around my leg. "I'm not excited!"

"Oh well, that's okay," Miss Drew beamed. Do you want to come but your bag and lunch boxes in the coat room?"

Danielle skipped off towards the coat room and came running back out moments later and went straight to play with the dolls.

"Are you going Patrick?" She asked, he shook his head shyly and looked up at me. "Your Mum can come?"

It still feels weird hearing other people other than the kids calling me a Mum. It even feels strange calling myself Mummy (mainly because I don't like talking in the third person but still).

Patrick nodded shyly and took my hand to walk towards the cloakroom. He hung up his coat and bag and then put his lunch box on the top shelf.

"Mummy?" Patrick mumbled, looking up at me.

"Yes, darling?" I asked, bending down to see him.

"I don't want to go!" He cried, throwing his arms around my neck and then crying into my shoulder.

It took me a while to take in what happened, I knew that he wasn't to keen but I didn't know he was this sad. I eventually knew where I was again and wrapped my arms around him, rocking him back and forth.

"You're okay baby, you're okay," I soothed into his hair. Alfie came wandering in and looked at Patrick and then me. "School is really good, you'll love it here."

Alfie nodded and then joined me and Patrick. He wrapped his arms around us both and kissed Patrick's cheek.

"Paddy mate, what are you worried about?" He whispered, taking him from me and holding his hand.

"I don't have any friends, and I'll miss you," He cried, wiping his tear stained cheeks.

"Patrick but you've got a head start on everyone here! You've got you're best friend, you've got Dannii!" Alfie cried, squashing him.

Patrick giggled but then looked at me and started to whimper again.

"Listen, we'll be back in a couple of hours to pick you up and if you've got a problem you're teacher can ring us," I nodded, Patrick sniffed and wiped his nose.

"Patrick, there you are!" The teacher smiled. "I need a special helper to show me how to build a tower!"

She looked at me and Alfie and kind of winked. I mouthed a thankyou and Alfie nodded.

Patrick looked at us and we nodded.

"Have fun Paddy," Alfie smiled, waving at him. He nodded and then walked away, holding hands with his teacher.

We walked through the classroom to see Danielle bossing some poor little girl about and I giggled. She's going to be just fine.

Patrick was helping the teacher make a tower and talking away, quietly to her. He wouldn't even miss us when we're gone.

Alfie took his hand in mine and we walked out the school and to the car. Once we were outside, Alfie scooped me up and gave me a hug.

"They're gone, little one," He whispered, sadly. I rested my head on his shoulder and smiled.

"They were ready to," I assured, wiping my eyes slightly and then wrapping my arms around Alfie's neck.

He kissed my cheek and then put me down and we walked to the car.

I'm going to miss them being with me all day everyday because I love the noise but I know they'll be fine.

I guess it's just part of life.. You have to let them go.