Behind The Smile(Zoella)

Baby...

Some of you might've seen this.. this was the one wattpad messed up but anywho, you've got three updates because of it.

This part isn't as depressing I guess but if you aren't comfortable then only read it if you think you'll be okay, I'd hate for it to be my fault or to cause you any discomfort.

Please remember to vote/comment/share

I love all of you so so much

~Emxx

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"I'm fine Alfie! Quit bugging me!" I huffed, folding my arms. He hasn't left me alone for the last week, it's been hell. I need somebody to tell this man that it's not okay for you follow me while I pee! "You can go to work you know, I don't you to give me sympathy."

He grunted and moved away from me.

"Zoe, quit being such a bitch. You've pushed away anyone who wanted to help you this week, you've even got Patrick crying at my Mums. He thinks you don't like him," Alfie sighed, he'd finally has enough of me.

I grunted and got my phone out.

"He's better off without me, I'm just his sucidal mother," I whispered, not even looking up.

"You're not Zoe! You'd just had enough, and you're going to get better!" Alfie gasped, he reached out his hand for mine. I pulled my hand away.

"No matter what, I'll always be the same worthless person I am now, I'm just done with it all."

Alfie sighed and put his head on the wall. I chose not to look at him and gazed out the window instead.

It was silent, but not the loving silence. It was a cold silence. Almost, a deathly silence.

After a while, I heard a whimpering noise. I turned my head to see where it was coming from. Alfie's cheeks had gone red and his eyes blotchy, he was crying. I gasped and ran up to him, I hugged him and he shook his head.

He wiped his eyes but then continued crying, I've never seen him cry this much. Not tears like this anyway...

"What did I do?" I whispered, pulling him over to our bed. I sat on his knee and curled my knees up into his chest, wrapping my arms around his neck.

"We just, we were strong, nothing could defeat us and now.. Well we've been defeated. I just miss us, I miss you. You've changed, you're constantly stressed and upset and it kills me to think that if I was a minute later, I wouldn't have you here in my arms. I want to protect you but I don't know how anymore," Alfie sobbed, I sat up and straddled him. Not in that way, just so I could face him.

I put my hands on his cheeks and wiped away his tears with my thumbs.

"I hate seeing you so beat up and knowing that I'm lucky just to have you here on my knee makes me so upset," He whimpered. "I can't do anything to stop what's happening, I've just been letting you fall."

I kissed his cheek and then stared into his eyes.

"I'm sorry," I whispered, trying to stop myself from crying. "I want to stop myself but it's been a downward spiral, everything's just gone wrong."

Alfie nodded and then kissed me lightly.

"I'm sorry I couldn't reach you, we'll fix this. We'll fix you," Alfie whispered.

I shook my head and cringed. I don't want him to, I'm to scared he won't be able to fix me, I'm to far gone.

"Don't try," I mumbled. "You can't fix me, something's are just broken. I guess I'll work better at times but I'm broken."

Alfie shook his head and kissed me again.

"I love you," He said, planting a strong kiss on my lips. I smiled as the taste of salty water filled my mouth.

"I love you too," I swung my arms around his neck and began to cry again.

"Zoe, you need to go to the doctors.." Alfie muttered into our hug.

I pulled back and shook, my head violently. I am not going to the doctors..