My Heart is Broke-Kurt Cobain

Chapter 50

He makes me feel safe. Whenever he gives me a hug, I feel like I'm hugging a giant teddy bear. He also cleans himself up very well. Kurt didn't care about his appearance, but Cash does and that's attractive. He brushes his hair and teeth, and dresses nicely when he needs to. 

"I love you," I say, crying. "God, Cash, I do love you."

He takes my face in his hands and kisses me. The way he kisses me sends a shock throughout my whole body. I tangle my fingers in his hair and moan against the kiss. 

Then I bring my hands down to the hem of his shirt and lift it up over him. He pulls away and looks at me confused. "Kaitlyn, you want to do this?"

I nod my head. "Yeah, I'm ready."

"Kaitlyn, are you sure?" He pulls away. "Just because we said that we love each other doesn't mean that we have to do it."

"Cash, I'm ready." I know that I'm ready because of the way that he makes me feel. If we truly love each other, then I'm ready to give myself to him. 

"Well, then let's go in a proper environment," He says in a British accent and takes my hand in his. 

We run to my bedroom. 

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"Can I ask you a question?" He asks me as he continues to trace his fingers along my bare arm. 

I nod my head, still partly out of breath. "Yeah."

"Have you ever had sex before?"

I widen my eyes and sit up, pulling the sheet over my chest, immediately embarrassed. "God, was I that bad?"

He immediately chuckles. "No, no, no, that's not what I'm saying at all. I'm just asking."

I slowly lay back down. "Yes, I have."

"Can I ask who with?"

"Only Ethan. Not Kurt." I say as I lay down on my stomach. 

He kisses my shoulder. "Why not?"

"I don't know. I just never felt like I wanted to. Our relationship is very different from his and mine," I say. Cash continues to kiss my body-my bare body (my shoulders, my back, my fingers, my face. Everywhere he can). "I had just gotten out of a relationship with Ethan which ended because Kurt kissed me while we were dating."

"I remember you telling me about that," He finally takes a break just to say that. But then he continues to kiss me more. 

"And it felt wrong to be with Kurt the whole time we were dating. It almost felt like I was cheating on Ethan, but I wasn't even dating him."

Before Cash can respond, the phone starts ringing. I reach over to grab it, then I answer it. "Hello?"

"Hi, Kaitlyn," The voice says. I recognize it as Krist. 

"Hey, Krist," I eye Cash, letting him know not to do anything since I'm on the phone with my brother. "What's up?"

"We're in town tonight, but we have a concert. Would you want to come to see it?"

Before I answer yes, my mind transports to the night of the concert that I was sexually assaulted. I don't want to go through that again. I look to my left and see Cash there. I know that he wouldn't let anything happen to me. 

He's not extremely muscular, but he works out and has muscles. He could definitely beat someone up if he had to and would win. 

I'm still nervous that it might happen again. Even if Cash were to defend me, that means that it would be too late.