My Future Husband

Chapter 64

“Dun nuh nuh nuh nuhhhh, dun dun dun. Dun nuh nuh nuh nuhhhh, dun dun dun.”

“Heather!” She grins me, before quietly continuing to hum the shootout music from every western movie ever made.

“Did we miss it?”

“Where the fuck were you?” My question is quickly answered when my sister’s husband comes sneaking out of the house behind her still buttoning up his shirt. “Kage has just gone to get them.”

“Al, get over here! Front row!”

“Don’t do that! Liz is going to realise something’s up!” I can’t believe we’ve managed to keep it a secret from her this long. That woman is usually like a human lie detector.

“She’s just here for backup, in case Kage’s bitch sister decides to go off on you again.” Firstly, as if you would ever need backup. Secondly, we’ve spoken about this!

“I told you, everything’s good now, you don't need to kill anybody.”

“I’ll be the judge of that. That cow gives you one side eye and I’m going to smother her with Cara’s latest victim.” I’d argue with her, but there’s absolutely no point, her inner serial killer is too powerful.

As if the timing gods are smiling down on us, or a certain drama-loving angel has arranged it so, Coach walks back into the yard with Milo and Josh, just as the door opens.

I can’t... it’s too good...

Wait for it... wait for it... just a few more seconds...

“Hey everyone, look who made it.” Kage walks straight out of the house, his sisters on one side of him, but his arm firmly around the shoulders of his mother. “So this is Latty and Alicia, little dude here is Demitri, and this is-”

“Rie?” Oh look at his face... someone get a camera. “I mean, Valerie?”

Except I can’t, because all I can focus on is Liz. Her entire body turned away talking to Mama T, but the single mention of that name has her head spinning back to face me like something from the exorcist.

Everyone back up, I think she’s about to hurl split pea soup everywhere... Should your neck bend that far?

Luke has no idea what’s going on but he moves Teal away from her anyway, everyone slowly parting across the yard silently.

It’s so awkward. It’s so quiet. This is the best day of my life!

“Phil? I almost didn’t recognise you.” For a single second, just a second, I don’t think there’s anyone else in the world for either of them. The past is weird, sometimes you can run into someone who at one point meant everything to you, but it’s like looking at a stranger. Other times they walk back into life and it’s as if they never left. “It's so good to see you... You look so well.”

Valerie innocently steps away from her son towards the man who’s heart she broke, but quickly comes to a standstill when the woman that put it back together thunders in front of her.

“Ten bucks says she punches her.” Brie whispers quietly.

“No, Liz is a head-butter, I’ve got twenty on her breaking her nose.” Leah and Brie both hand their money over their shoulders to Steve.

“Final chance to place your bets people. Anyone for a good, old-fashioned, cat fight?” We all wait with bated breath, Kage holding back his sisters, before Liz looks Valerie right in the eye.

“Valerie, darling! It’s so wonderful to see you!” She wraps her up in the most over the top hug I’ve ever seen, practically squeezing the life out of her. Damn fucking WASPS and their passive-aggressive fights! Would it kill her to try and snatch her weave off just a little bit?