chapter 69.

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I don't take Olivia's hand. Instead I turn my head back to my lap as tears slip down my cheeks.

This time I think they're tears of relief. I can't do it now, I have someone with me.

"Do you want to continue on? I'm gonna stay here," I hear her speak to who I assume is her husband. By the look of what she's wearing they were on a run together, or were about to be.

I hear heavy footsteps behind me as I watch him run off out the corner of my eye.
Olivia sits down beside me slowly, hanging her legs between the railing like me as she gently places a hand in my back.

"You didn't tell me it was this bad again," she states the obvious, although her tone is soft.

"I didn't know," I admit, mumbling.

"What happened?" She questions, moving her hand off my back and taking a hold my hand instead. "My girlfriend and I had an argument and it tipped me over the edge," I shrug, avoiding eye contact with her.

"Do you want to tell me what it was about?"

"It's a long story."

"I'm not going anywhere so you may as well get it off your chest."

Remembering that she's just as stubborn as I am, I decide to take a deep breath before telling her.
"Last Friday we went to a party and I got very drunk and passed out so my Mom came to pick me up, but after I'd left somebody else kissed Addy. She promised me that she didn't kiss her back or want it to happen or anything and I believe her, because I know she wouldn't do something like that. Anyways, I told her that I wasn't mad because I knew it wasn't her fault but I needed a little bit of space to be able to process it because as you know, I'm not coping very well with life at the moment and I didn't want to take the fact that I was hurting out on her for something that she didn't really have any control over," I explain, taking a breath before continuing.

"Addy then told me that I was making it about me and started raising her voice and long story short, she walked away and left me behind and now I'm here."

Olivia sighs, making me look up at her to see the sad smile resting on her lips. "I'm really sorry, Lexie. I can imagine that must have hurt a lot, especially from someone you trust. Has Addy ever said something like that to you before?"

"No, never. She's always been so patient and supportive and I don't know what I did to make her so mad," I admit, looking back down at the cars passing by below me. "Okay, no. We don't do that. We don't blame ourselves when other people take how they feel out on us," she speaks sternly.

"What I can say though is that, everybody is going to make big mistakes in their lifetime. They're going to say and do things that cause people a lot of pain and they can't take it back no matter how much they might regret it.
The difference is whether or not they apologise and try to communicate properly afterwards. If they come back and say something along the lines of 'it's your fault for making me so mad' then you run in the other direction, okay? That's a sign of a narcissist. But, from what you've previously told me about Addy, I have a feeling she's feeling really shitty about what she said to you and she will apologise. It might take a few days, but she'll come around."

I nod, taking in as much as I can before resting my head on her shoulder. "Thank you," I mumble.

"Of course, Lexie," she says, giving my hand a squeeze. "Now, do you feel ready to stand up?"
"What are you going to do?" I ask. "Do you want the sugarcoated answer, or the raw one?"

"The raw one," I admit.

"Okay. Once we're off this bridge I'm going to call an ambulance for you because I want you to be safe and not in a position where you can put yourself in danger again. I'll also inform you Mom and whilst we wait for the ambulance to arrive we can have more of a chat so I can pass on as much information as I can to whoever's going to be taking care of you at the hospital.
I can't say whether or not you'll only be admitted for the night or for longer, but we'll reassess tomorrow."

Despite how I feel about going to hospital, I know that for tonight at least, it's for the best.
I feel like I've hit rock bottom, but sometimes I think you need to hit rock bottom before you can start to heal.

"Okay," I breathe, nodding.

"What, no arguing this time?" She teases. "No," I chuckle, "I've done enough of that for one day."

"Fair enough," she states. "You ready to stand up now?"
I nod, "just...can you not let go of my hand please?"
She sends me a small smile, "I won't."

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