chapter 14.

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It's been about an hour since I found out I had a miscarriage. Nothing that has happened today has felt real. I feel so dissociated and I don't think I can even begin to process anything, let alone the fact that I was pregnant.

Most of the last hour has consisted of Seinfeld playing on the tv and me zoning out and staring at the wall. I don't know where Robin went but I haven't seen anyone since Dr Montgomery left.

And I still don't have a charger for my phone...

It's only about three-thirty in the afternoon, but I was meant to start work half and hour ago. It's my first week, and I have already missed a day. I mean I know I couldn't really help it, but that's beside the point. Also, I desperately want to see Scarlett again. I've known her all but five days, but her and Annie are about the only two people I feel completely safe with.

A knock on the door brings me out of my daze and I see Robin standing there with another man and woman. "Hi Lexie, CPS are here and would like to have a quick chat with you," she announces. I nod as the man and woman walk into the room, closing the door behind them. I sat up properly in the bed and brought my knees to my chest.

"Hi Lexie, I'm Laura and this is Dean," she introduces me as the both take a seat on the two arm chairs near the bed. "Hi," I mumble, bringing my knees up further.

"Before we get started we're just going to ask you a few questions to get to know you a little better, does that sound okay?" She questions gently to which I nod.

The first ten minutes were basically just about school and my friends, and a little bit about acting too. Then the questions were more about how I got to and from places, what kind of 'chores' I do, the kind of visitors we had.

"What about food, Lexie? What's your favourite meal?" Laura asks. Weird question, but okay. "Umm, I really like pasta, but ravioli especially," I answer. I feel a little less uncomfortable than I did when I started, but I still wouldn't go as far as to say that I feel comfortable whatsoever. It's not anything to do with Laura and Dean either, it's the whole situation.

"I love ravioli," Laura enthuses. "Who usually makes the meals at home?" She questions further. "Usually I do. My mom doesn't really like cooking," I shrug.

The next half an hour feels excruciatingly long, but finally it wraps up. "Alright Lexie. We just need to go over a few things privately and we'll be back in a bit to have another chat with you," she admits.

Oh great, more talking...

Once they leave the room, I decide to lay down and close my eyes for a bit. I don't think I've felt this tired, maybe ever.
The bed makes it a little hard to get comfortable, but I fall asleep within the first five minutes.


"Lexie," my name is whispered. "Sorry to wake you."
I open my eyes slowly and see Laura and Dean are back in the room. I rub my eyes with my fists and sit up in the bed as they sit down on the chairs again.

"So honey," she sighs. Oh no, that's not a good start.

"The information we've gathered from both you and your mom, has proven that you have been living in an unsafe and neglectful environment for quite some time and it is our duty to take care of that. So, we have a foster family that is ready to take you in as of tomorrow afternoon, and you'll be staying with them until we asses this situation even further," she explains.

I stare at her as I try to process what I've just been told. "I-I have to live with a new family?" I ask in a whisper as I try to hold back my tears. "I'm sorry, Lexie. We're just doing what's best for you."

I should be relieved that I don't have to be afraid of going home and getting beat up, but truthfully the thought of living with complete strangers in just as daunting, if not more.

"Whats going to happen?" I question, wiping my tears. "Well, at this point theres not much we can tell you but a court order will be put in place and then it's up to what they think is right," she explains. I nod in response, having literally no idea what I'm meant to say.  

"Do you have any more questions?" Laura asks. I shake my head at first but then change my mind. "Am I allowed visitors now? I don't want to be alone for the rest of the day."
"Who do you want to come?" She questions. "Someone from work or my friend," I admit. "Do they have anything to do with your mom?" She questions further. "No."
"Alright, then that should be okay," she smiles with a small nod. "Thank you," I manage to smile slightly too.

Once they say their goodbyes and leave the room I'm left alone again and I still need a damn phone charger before I can even call Annie or Scarlett, but I'm too afraid to ask anyone. So, defeatedly I turned the tv back on and lie back down. There must be like a Seinfeld marathon or something happening because that's still what's playing. At least it's somewhat decent.

I feel myself growing more tired but my mind is racing. I think today officially marks the worst day of my life. Apart from the first few hours of it because I was with Scarlett. Also that woman is great at braiding hair, because through the concussion, the blood, the glass, the miscarriage, my mother losing her rights to look after me, and the multiple breakdowns, my braids still look nearly as neat as they did this morning.

As I zone out and find myself staring at the wall, it's like a wave of images run through my mind, and everything that's happened today hits me all at once. I bring the sheets further up my body and my knees closer to my chest as I lay on my side, facing away from the door so nobody can see me crying.

Very quickly though, I feel my breath become more shallow. I usually can feel a panic attack coming on and tend to be able to control it before it gets too bad, but this time it's coming on faster than it has before.

Within less than a minute the tears are rapidly falling down my cheeks and I feel like I'm fighting for air. One of the monitors starts beeping in my room which only makes me panic more.
I sit up properly and start pulling at the collar of the gown, it only making me feel claustrophobic.

Looking out the door of my room, I can't see any doctors to shut off the beeping, so I cover my ears with my hands and shut my eyes tightly as I try to focus my mind on something other than my breathing.

Only a few moments later I feel someone grab onto my hands so I open my eyes. A blonde woman in navy scrubs is standing next to me. "Honey, it'll be okay. Just follow what I do," she tells me in a calming voice.
She purposely takes a deeper breath than normal and I try to do the same.

It takes a few minutes but eventually my breathing is somewhat normal again. The doctor reaches for the chart that's hung at the end of my bed and I watch as her eyes scan through it.

She looks back up me with a small, but sad smile before sitting down on the bed. "I'm Dr Robbins," she says. "I'm Lexie," I sniff, trying to wipe my tears away. "I saw on your chart that you don't have anybody here with you, is there somebody you can call?" She asks softly. "I want to but my phone is dead and I don't remember her number," I admit through my tears. "Oh honey," she sighs, leaning forward and wiping away my tears with the sleeve of her coat.

"How about this. I have my phone charger in the break room and I'm also on a late lunch/early dinner, so I can come hang with you in here for an hour or until someone is able to come?" She offers.

"You don't have to," I mumble. "I know, but I don't mind. Besides I don't want you to have to go through this alone."

here's my promise this scarly is gonna be in the next chapter

also apparently I'm a lightweight and I got wine drunk last night and surprisingly did not wake up with a headache 👍🏼

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