Something Golden

38.

November 7 1996

I'm signing off on a report when Granger shuffles across the room and wraps her arms around me from behind, resting her chin on my shoulder. "What are you working on?" She asks. "Do you really want to know?" I ask, lifting a brow. Her eyes scan over the paper for a quick moment before shaking her head. "Thought so." I say, kissing her once before standing up and pulling my shirt up and over my head.

"Are you ever going to tell me where you got those scars from?"

"Theo already told you."

"He told me about the ones on your back but not your chest-wait-how did you know that?"

A smile creeps onto my face as I retrieve a new shirt from my closet.

"Draco.."

"I was on the couch." I tell her as I slip my arm through the sleeves.

"And you didn't say anything?!"

"You two sounded like you were having a moment, a real heart to heart. It would have been rude of me to interrupt." I grin, buttoning my shirt. She walks over and slaps me on the chest. "You dick!" "Ow!" I wince. "Shit. Draco-I'm so sorry-I didn't realize-" Her panic ceasing the second I start laughing. "I'm fine Granger." I smile. "I'm just messing with you."

"Arse hole." She giggles, rolling her eyes as she walks back over to my bed and sits down. "So, are you going to tell me or not?"

"Not."

"One day, Draco Malfoy," She says. "One day I will be able to crack you. You'll be spilling all of your dirty little secrets to me."

"I wouldn't hold your breath Granger."

And she really shouldn't. There will never be a time where I burden her with my problems. There's no need for her to ever know everything I have endured, especially at the hands of my father, she already knows too much. What good would it do if I told her that the scars across my chest were given to me the following day after Theo's misstep with Greyback? How would she ever benefit from knowing that my father cursed me out for appearing that I care for anyone other than myself? For showing weakness. Granger doesn't need to know that the reason there's 17 scars is because that's the number of years I have been an embarrassment to him, a failure.

My father will never change, he will never become a better man, just like she will never change who she is which means she would think she could fix this. It would be a waste of her energy and would only cause more problems and right now I have enough to deal with. I do not regret my drunken confession to her because now I have her back. She's with me again and I am never letting her go but my love for her does not grant her full access to my entire life. There are some things that are best left unspoken and she will just have to learn to deal with that.

If I wasn't still occluding I'd be a mess right now. Constant worry would consume me as every possible way this, her and I, could go terribly wrong. She may not be in her box anymore but she is still hidden and everything else still remains locked away. I allow my guard to partially fall when around her but only enough so that I don't come off as an emotionless soldier but any other time that is exactly what I am.

Just because I finally have the one thing that I want does not mean that I am free of my other duties, including appearing to be courting Astoria. This time, it's me who is insisting on us remaining in the shadows. Blaise wouldn't intentionally out us to the dark lord but his occlumency is absolute shit so I can't chance it.

Today's assignment is a public display, I will be escorting Astoria to dinner in Hogsmeade. Voldemort has eyes everywhere and I know he's not stupid enough to only trust Blaise's word on the matter. Granger is less than happy about the arrangement but she understands. It's also a perfect way to draw the attention away from her and I. As far as my friends are aware, I am courting Astoria and Granger and I simply tolerate one another after our break-up, friends even.