Slow burn PART 2

Chapter 4

"Remember when you sucked my cock in the front seat of this car, on a street busier than this one?" Now he tipped my chin up to look at his mischievous and sultry expression...and dangerously alluring eyes. I blushed, but I also remember something else about that time.

"Yeah, but then you ran away to New York because you didn't want me" I looked on pointedly. I hated that time and how raw my insides felt with uncertainty.

        Renzo's face can keep such a disinterested expression, but he looked down the road and away from me. "I think we've both tried running more than once, Kat. It never sticks" his words washed over me like silk. I brought my body flush against his again, which brought his eyes back to me. 

"Renzo, I've seen the best of you and I've seen the worst of you...if I'm still here, well, I don't think I'm going anywhere" I admitted, but hid my face in his chest so he couldn't witness the vulnerability. 

Renzo's warm palm came over my forehead to brush my hair away from it then his lips planted a simple kiss there. It was more than a rapture that fluttered through me now. I want this. Him like this. Forever.

        I don't want him to be cold or hard. I don't want him pulling away when things get too real and vulnerable. I don't want him to fear my love for him or convince himself he might not love me back. We've come such a long way. 

From Renzo taunting me with his closeness before we were ever intimate, to him gaining my body-but running out the door right after every single time, to us trying to run away from each other, to our constant failures of not falling back into sex, and then to this. 

Two people leaning against a sleek black car, two people flush against one another on a public street, two people with blood on their hands and complicated hearts.

        "Kat I need to tell you something" Renzo's tone changed slightly, though he's good at keeping it steady and masked. My head popped up and my gut felt suddenly uneasy. My pulse picked up the pace in waiting. "W-what?" 

When Renzo's eyes darted around my face I was really starting to feel that pit that so easily forms in my gut. "My parents will be having a house guest for the next month or so" he told me, but I knew there was more to this. He wouldn't have announced it the way he had without it being something more. 

"Vittoria...an old friend to the family. From Italy" he continued. 

I took a step away from him so I could better look at him without cranking my neck so far back. He let me step away. "And?" I felt like I had to coax this out of him, which was making it feel like more than just a minor thing.

         "Her and I used to fuck around every summer when she'd come visit America and stay with my parents, cus her father and mine are good friends, and associates from the Italian syndicate of our business overseas. The Catalano crime family" he told me, but his eyes felt so strong against me. 

I could tell he was studying me and I didn't want to react dramatically. He doesn't owe me anything, but I already don't like the sound of this.

        "Were you guys, like, together?" I had been under the impression that Renzo has never had an actual girlfriend. "Nah, she would just be around once a year and living down the hall from me when I lived there, so we'd fuck" he shrugged like those words don't still sting. 

I hate thinking about him having any physical relationship with someone else because I know he's had so many. Renzo doesn't live with his parents anymore, so I wondered how long it's been since they last hooked up. "How recent has this...fling happened?"

When Renzo glanced down the road again I knew I wouldn't like the answer. 

        "I was in Italy about a month before I met you. We hooked up there." And the pit grows in my belly. So, barely a few months ago they were still having a fling. "And before that? You haven't lived with your parents in years." Maybe I'll regret the further inquiry, but I would drive myself mad if I didn't know just how deep this fling went. 

Renzo sighed and tipped my chin. "Kat, I'm not getting into this with you." I furrowed my brows and removed his hold. "No. If you don't want to tell me, that means there is something worth knowing. Did you still make the effort to see her when you no longer lived there?"

        Renzo licked his teeth and pushed off the car. I took another step back to accommodate the space. "She's a family friend. I've known her since I was a kid, so yeah, I see her around when she comes. They always have a dinner welcoming her and shit. She's close to my family" his tone started to become clipped and somewhat defensive. 

"So, you've been hooking up half your life. I thought you never got with women that consistently? Clearly that's not true." I didn't mean to sound worked up, but quite frankly I am. I was just getting to a comfortable place with Renzo and now his biggest temptation, a long term sex relationship with this Vittoria girl will be returning...it's not going to be good. I can feel it in my bones.

        "It wasn't a relationship. We fuck when one of us is in town" his tone was becoming more than clipped now. How is he the upset one? "You realize you are speaking in present tense...like this will be happening again now that she's back" I crossed my arms practically hugging myself. I don't like how threatened I feel about this. 

"Kat, I'm not doing this shit" he waved over our current state. He turned to get into the car and waved for me to do the same. Is he kidding? 

"No. If this were me telling you the guy I screw every summer was back in town you would not let me just end the conversation because I don't feel like talking about it!" I only moved to the sidewalk because a car was coming down the road, not because I was ready to get in Renzo's car.

        Renzo leaned his arm on the roof of the car and looked at me with a hard expression. "Didn't I already agree to your terms of only fucking each other? I'm not doing the drama shit" he unlocked the door and started getting in. I didn't. 

Drama? He's going to call my questions dramatic when Renzo has literally kicked doors in and flipped out in rage over other men. He has to be kidding. 

"Kat" I heard him holler my name from inside the car. It was muffled because the doors were still shut. I just turned on my heel and started walking. I think I need the air. Elijah will pick me up for my shift in a little bit. I don't need the ride. 

        "KAT" he shouted louder because the window was now down. "This is fucking stupid. I was doing you a courtesy to even tell you about it. How am I still the bad guy?!" I stopped in my tracks. 

"You flip out and MAKE me tell you everything about every guy. Ever. And you can't do me the courtesy of having a calm conversation with me about Vittoria who ever the heck!" Renzo's car door opened and his tall frame reappeared. "Don't make me drag you" he warned me. 

"Did you ever have feelings for her?" I couldn't help the question. He was still walking towards me, but he really will have to carry me if he thinks I'll move before getting answers. 

"We fucked Kat. Sex isn't a relationship" he rolled his eyes at me. "Yeah, Renzo, I am extremely aware of that. It's what we're doing. So if that's what you wanna compare it to then did you have with her what we have?"

        I could tell he was cursing his own words. He didn't make a great point. Renzo doesn't equate sex with feelings. It means nothing to him, which makes a girl feel like nothing to him. "Don't make me spell it out. You know what you are" he surprised me when instead of finishing bounding over he was turning back around to leave. 

"I don't actually. I have no idea who I am to you." I snorted a laugh, but not because I found it particularly funny. It's sad actually how I remain in this perpetual place of Renzo's vague feelings. It's like a purgatory. 

        "Get in the car, Kat" I heard him calling from over his shoulder. This man is infuriating.  "Actually, I think I need the fresh air. I'll catch you around, Renzo" I turned opposite him. I don't like this pit of fire in my gut, so I gotta walk all this heat off before I trigger my fire alarm in the apartment again.

"If you don't get in this goddamn car I will literally drive away. Let's go" Renzo didn't want to fold first. Thing is, I actually don't want to get a ride, so there is nothing to fold. I turned the corner and walked my butt home.