The Kissing Booth 2.0

Go and find Someone Better

I drifted in and out of consciousness after the drugs kicked in for the MRI. In the ambulance everything slowly started coming back to me. Noah was cheating on me, he had finally realised that I was never good enough for him. I was happy for him, he had found her real life cheerleader, just like high school. I'm not even sure if he'll want the girls anymore. I loved the girls but I'm not sure if I can be a single mom. I looked in the mirror beside my bed, I had a big gash on my cheek that had been stitched up and bandaged. I had sinking black eyes from the lack of sleep. There was dried blood in my hair. I had never looked this awful. I shut my eyes, I didn't want to look at myself anymore. Not like this. I kept my eyes shut when I heard Noah's footsteps running down the hall and I kept them shut when I heard him crying.

' Oh Elle. ' He sobbed as he got down on his knees beside me. ' My beautiful Elle.. I'm so sorry. Look at you, you must be exhausted. Baby you have been left with a newborn baby, all on your own and I am so sorry. I'm the one who begged you to have another baby and then I fucked off back to work the minute she was born. When you wake up, I'm going to remind you of all the reasons why I adore you the way I do .. okay Elle? Maddison and Aria are fine. Aria is snoozing in a crib and Maddie is demanding that some of the nurses play blocks with her. My mom is in with them, and your dad is on his way back. Elle when you get better, you and I are gonna are gonna take a long holiday. You, me and our babies, ok? There are no words in this world to accurately describe how much I fucking adore you Elle. '

I heard another set of footsteps walking into the room. Then there was silence.

' Mom look at her face.. she looks like she's in so much pain. ' I could hear Noah sobbing and June comforting him. He ran his hand across my face. ' Mom, sometimes I can't help but feel I ruined her life. I rushed everything. I just knew that she was my soul mate, I just wanted to be married and start my life with her. Now all the girls we went to high school with are just finishing college and getting into relationships and she's tied down with a husband and two kids. She doesn't have any of that stuff to look forward to.'

' Noah, I know Elle, sometimes I think I know her just as well as you do and I know she wouldn't change her life for the world. She loves you and she loves the girls but I think she needs hep right now. Lee has been texting her and said she doesn't reply. She didn't answer your dad's calls and we haven't seen her round the house. I know that you've been at work all week. '

' Oh my god, she must be so alone. ' I'm not sure I had ever heard Noah so upset.

' Noah, honey have you ever heard of postnatal depression? '

' No? '

' It's a very common form of depression that can happen straight after a woman has a baby. It's just like normal depression, so if thats what she has. She'll have to go to a counsellor, maybe go on medication. '

' How can I help? '

' Well like I said, that would just be my guess, but I'll go and speak to a doctor. See if we can get a therapist here to talk to her. You just need to be with her. Be the partner that I know you are. '

I decided at this stage it was time to pretend wake up. I let out a yawn and started moving around in the bed.

' Elle ! '

I ignored him. He ran his hands through my matted hair. ' Elle, can you hear me. '

I nodded.

' Elle can you speak? The doctor said you could speak. '

' I can speak, I just don't want to speak to you. '

' Elle? '

' You don't have to stick around Noah? If you want to leave and be with the model from the restaurant, you can. You can take the girls with you too.. I'm a shit mom. They deserve better.'

' Elle, what the hell are you talking about? What model? '

' The beautiful woman you were having lunch with? '

' Alison? Elle, she's one of the head directors of the company. I was asked to bring her out for lunch to talk about my teams new project. I had to sell it to her. That's why I was out with her, and nothing else. Are you insane? Elle.. I will never cheat on you. Ever. '

' Noah.. I'm not good enough for you. '

' Elle stop that. ' Noah was crying again.

We didn't talk much after that, a couple of hours later a woman in a pants suit walked in holding a clipboard.

' Hi there Elle, I'm Amanda, one of the councillors here at the hospital. I thought we might have a little chat? Would that be okay with you? ' I nodded in agreement.

' I'll leave you guys to it. ' Noah stood up, kissed me on the head and walked out. Amanda pulled his seat closer the bed and sat down.

' How are you feeling Elle? '

' Pretty sore, I banged my head in the crash. '

' And how is your memory? '

' I was worried at the beginning but it is fine now. '

' So Elle, I was talking to some members of your family and they are worried about you. Do you feel yourself lately? ' I thought about my answer for a while.

' Not really.. no. '

' Tell me how you feel? '

' I just feel sad, lonely, helpless, jealous.. tired. I just had a baby though so maybe I'm supposed to be all those things. '

' Nobody should feel all those things Elle. Tell me about Noah. Have you guys been together a long time?'

' I've had a crush on Noah since I was five years old, his brother is my best friend, we've been together since I was sixteen and he was eighteen. I had our first baby Maddison when I was seventeen, and I had Aria last week. '

' Do you love Noah? '

' With all my heart.. '

' Do you think Noah loves you? '

' Yes, but I know he can do better. '

' Elle, I've spoken to Noah about you, he loves you endlessly. '

' I just don't think I deserve him anymore.. ' At this point I burst into tears, what was wrong with me? This isn't me.

' Elle, after speaking to you. I am confident to diagnose you with postnatal depression. Do you know what that is Elle?'

' Sure, I've read about it before. It goes away.. doesn't it? '

' Of course it does sweetie, I think we're gonna give you some medication to help you along at the beginning. Is that okay with you? '

' Anything that will help.. '

' You're going to need to learn to accept help Elle, you can't do it all alone .. okay? '

' Thank you for helping me. ' I smiled for the first time in a while. I was so grateful to know there was a reason I felt the way I did.

' This medication should help to give you clarity in situations where you feel confused, angry and upset when you don't need to. Remember you are never alone Elle.'

Amanda gave me a few leaflets to read through and after she had left Noah came back into the room. One arm holding Maddie's and the other wrapped around Aria. The sight of the three of them brought me to tears and I beckoned for them all to come and sit on the bed. Noah put Aria in my arms.

' Noah the girls could have been killed today. ' I cried. ' I could have killed them. '

' Baby, you weren't well.. it wasn't your fault. You know that you're an amazing mom. I am so proud of you. The girls and I adore you. This is just another part of our adventure Elle. '