Hollow River

4.

Oh fuck, he knew I was stealing his money. Why didn't he do anything about it?

"I have no idea what you're talking about" I smiled a little as I kept walking.
I couldn't even eat my ice cream in peace.

He chuckled a little. "What are you doing here River?"

"Visiting" I said as I stopped in front of the Red Bull hospitality. He nodded as he looked at the hospitality. "Get out of here"

"Excuse me?" I was probably looking so stupid with my ice cream in my hand.

He put his hand in front of me "Give my card back and get the fuck out of here"

I chuckled, only because I didn't expect this reaction. But honestly what did I expect?

Why did he let me use his card for five months in the first place?

I grabbed his card out of my pocket and put it in his hand. He rolled his eyes as he put his card away. "Enjoy your ice cream" he said as he walked passed me.

"Uh thanks" here I was, standing in front of the Red Bull hospitality with my ice cream in my hand.

Hooking up with Lando was definitely out of the question.

After I finished my ice cream, I sat down in front of the hospitality with my notepad.
A brand new one.

I liked to write down my thoughts and feelings as if I was writing to someone, someone who might listen. I knew I wasn't an angel, far from it but I did what I did to survive.

I put my sunglasses on and grabbed my pen.

Sometimes I'm afraid to love other people. Everyone I care about eventually leaves, whether it's death or because they just don't want me.
Don't like me.

I am not afraid to be alone, I'm afraid that I'll never find someone to break the ice around my heart.
I push people away because I think I'm not good enough.

I'm not good enough to stay, to be loved. Everyone who was supposed to love me, leaves.
So if they couldn't love me, how am I supposed to love myself?

"Hey, River right?" Max shook me out of my thoughts. I quickly dropped my pen and looked up at him.

"That's right" I said as I quickly shut my notebook close. "I am gonna show you around" he said as he gestured to come with him.

This was probably one of the many ridiculous ideas Christian had.

"Alright" I said as I got up. It's not like I had other things to do anyways.

We walked through the paddock and he showed me the different hospitalities. I didn't care about the basic things, I would never come back here so instead, I asked about the tea.

"Which team do you hate the most?" I asked.

He laughed, probably not expecting me to ask him that question. "Since you're Christian adoptive daughter, I have to say Mercedes"

"And who do you like the most? Which driver?" I asked. He tilted his head. "Probably Lando"

Really? Out of all the drivers he had to like Lando the most?
The one who hated me, the one who was trying to avoid.

"He drives for Mclaren. I think you will like him too" he explained.

No Max, we won't like each other. At all.

We arrived back at the hospitality. He told me he had many media duties so he had to get ready.

Poor him. I could see how much he hated it.

I grabbed my notebook from the table. I wanted to go back to writing when I saw someone wrote in it. Who does that? Write in someone else's notebook?

My heart dropped when I started reading it. It was cute. Someone read my thoughts and actually wrote something back.

You should love yourself because you're worth it.
Okay - I don't know you but no one deserves to feel like you do.
Just know that you are not alone.

You're definitely not alone.