Catch Me (P.Sh) [Sequel]

Losing You

July 2021

I quietly moved through the dorm, brushing my hair back over my shoulders as I made my way down to the kitchen in search of literally anything that would make me better. Maybe some leftovers from last night could do the job.

"Man I'm just telling you, we can all see it by now," Jake's voice sounded from the kitchen making me slowly halt in my steps, "she's not good lately."

"I know," the sigh answering was no doubt from Sunghoon, and it didn't sound too pleased, "but she won't say anything... I think I've screwed up but then she clings onto me at night and I just can't figure it out anymore."

"Then go talk to her, and don't budge before she says anything," Jake warned as I quickly turned my back to the kitchen rushing to walk off, "I know you give up the moment you can see it hurts her, but it's hurting her more the more silent she is,"

Jake's voice had gotten more and more faint until I reached the room Heeseung and I recently had been placed in, winning our rock, paper, scissors battle to divide the rooms.

"Edin... You good? You're pale," it had become a habit for Heeseung to talk to me in English, so the moment he spoke up when I stepped into the room it didn't surprise me.

"I'm fine," I murmured with a small nod.

"Hana can we-" it sounded like Sunghoon was rushing through the dorm by how quickly his voice moved closer and then suddenly paused, "Hyung could you maybe... Wait outside?"

"For sure," Heeseung didn't even hesitate before nodding and getting up from his bed, hurriedly walking past me while sending me a concerned glance.

Sunghoon immediately closed the door after Heeseung, turning to me in a flash. His eyes immediately dug right into my skin as he looked at me and I felt myself get smaller.

"Now... You tell me what is happening lately," Sunghoon stated and I glanced up at him.

"Comeback preparations," I carefully excused as he pressed his lips into a thin line, obviously not satisfied with my reply.

"Okay, let me start out with what I fear... Is it something I have done? Have I been unable to give you enough live an affection?" He questioned and I quietly shook my head, "then what is happening to you! We don't even recognize you anymore, you're like a shell of the girl we all know. We're concerned and you've barely been giving us sentences that's longer than two words for just about a month now."

I quietly shook my head as I stared straight past Sunghoon. I felt my throat ache as it wound itself together, making me unable to speak as Sunghoon rushed over and grabbed onto my elbows, trying to keep me on my feet.

"I can't," I whispered as I shook my head, "not anymore."

"What do you mean you can't?" Sunghoon's voice turned all soft as he bent down to look me in the eyes, that now were glazed over by tears threatening to fall, "will you please share with me?"

It was now I saw how difficult it was for him to talk to me about things I was struggling with. His eyes held quite a big amount of concern and fear in them as he looked at me, meanwhile I was physically able to see him swallow a lump in his throat.

"You're hurting," I whispered and he slowly nodded.

"Because I don't like seeing you like this, it makes me feel hopeless," he remarked, "what is happening with you, won't you please tell?"

"It's stupid," I shook my head as a small frown grew on his face.

"Is it really? I thought we agreed none of our struggles were stupid," he reminded with a small smile, "now what has been said to you."

"I... Lost my confidence," I murmured and he straightened up, clearly confused as to why it was bringing me down so much, "not like a little bit... All..."

"So how do you see yourself?" he slowly questioned.

"Incapable, unworthy, disloyal, untrustworthy, unreliable, misunderstanding, annoying, intolérable, un-" Sunghoon cut me off before I could continue.

"I don't wanna hear anymore," he sternly spoke before moving me over and sitting me down on my bed.

He slowly let go of me before moving my duvet to the side, laying down and opening his arms. He gave me an expecting and inviting look.

Instead of laying down with him like I usually would I turned my back to him as I shook my head. I could hear his arms hit my duvet behind me, before a hand softly wrapped itself around my wrist.

"Why won't you lay with me?" He softly questioned.

"Didn't you hear me?" I questioned quickly drying off my cheeks.

"I did, but I don't believe any of it is true," he remarked as a small smile spread on my face. Shaking my head I felt new tears roll down over my cheeks.

Instead of saying anything else Sunghoon just tugged on my arm so I somehow ended up laying on top of his chest while he threw the duvet over both of us.

"I love you, and seeing you like this hurts me," he started off as I just closed my eyes tightly, not really wanting to hear what he had to say, "right now you're crumbling right in front of my eyes, and as your boyfriend it's my job to pick up your pieces and put them together again... From now on we're starting Park Sunghoon's confidence workshop... And I'm gonna switch beds with Heeseung Hyung, I think he find my presence every night annoying."

I somehow let out a small laugh as I dug my head into his shoulder and clenched up my fists as to not let my anger, disappointment and sadness run loose and eventually get let out on Sunghoon.

"You can give me a small slap if it relieves anything," Sunghoon assured while drawing small patterns on the lower part of my back.

"I'm not hurting you," I shook my head, which he apparently found amusing as well by the way he let out a small laugh and continued tracing patterns on my back.

"Don't you ever keep such things to yourself again... Got it?" Sunghoon whispered into my hair before planting a kiss in my temple. I didn't have any choice but just agree with him by now, "try and get some sleep... Rest would be nice for you right now."