the strongest avenger (2)

forty

"They eat hay, James."

Bucky turns from where he tries to feed Alpine a carrot and scowls at me. I hold a hand up to block the sun as I feed Karl some hay.

Tony let me convert the small balcony near my room into a makeshift goat area. We got these grass panels for the floor, and goat proofed the railings. They have hay stacked up against the wall near the door and there's a shady area from the upper floors of the tower.

It's a perfect goat area considering where we live.

"I think we should bring them to Alyssa. I wanna show her." I say while rubbing Karl's back.

Alpine bleats and I take that as a yes, I stand and clip on Karl's leash, it's a blue color, and start to lead him to the door. I wait as James clips on Alpine's black one, and follows me.

The clacking of their hooves on the floor makes me laugh, Tony however scowls at us.

"We're going to counseling." I say as we head towards the elevator.

"With the goats?"

"Yes."

"Okay. If they shit in my car, you're dead."

I stick my tongue out at Tony and then we head to the garage. We settle on a white Audi, and I put the kids in the back seat, opening up the front windows. I wouldn't get back on James' bike after that first session.

**

"Ally, sit!" I turn and see her wobbling as she tries to move on the seats. "Goddamn it." I pull her onto my lap. "Why can't you be like your brother? See that? Karl is laying down."

"Leave her alone." Bucky says, causing me to glare at him. "They're not dogs."

"Obviously." Thankfully we arrive at headquarters and James parks close to the entrance.

We get a few stares as we walk through the lobby with the goats on leashes. But I ignore them.

"We should give them a bath. They're starting to smell."

"We, do not have to do anything." I say as we exit the elevator.

"I like Alpine."

"But they're my goats, James."

"Can I have co-ownership? I like Ally."

"Fine, but only if you buy the cleaning supplies."

"Deal. Should we stop at the Walmart and get one of those small pool things?"

"Jesus Christ, it's not The Walmart, it's just Walmart." I knock on Alyssa's door.

"Stop hasseling me. We can get soap and stuff, and that pool thing. And maybe they can be litter trained?"

I shake my head as Alyssa opens the door and eyes our animals.

"Uh, come in?"

We go inside and I lay Karl on my lap, as I sit in my usual seat.

"Let's start with explaining this."

"I bought goats. I think it's pretty self explanatory."

Alyssa purses her lips and writes something down on her usual paper.

"And how are you both doing?"

I let James go first. "Okay I guess, my nightmares still come back."

"And what are they about?"

He stays silent, and I just focus on Karl in my lap, as if to give him some sense of privacy.

"You won't be cleared if you don't talk to me."

He sets out a sigh and pulls Alpine closer to him, she lets out a small bleat. "My past missions." He finally mumbles.

I play with Karl's miniature tail, while Alyssa and Bucky exchange words.

"Okay Tal, your turn."

"Yay." I look up with a sigh.

"How are you doing?"

"Absolutely amazing."

"She stopped taking her meds."

"Dude, I didn't interrupt you." I roll my eyes as I turn back to Alyssa. "I'm taking them now. That's what matters."

"Uh huh, how has everything else been going? Any outbursts?"

"No—"

"Yes. She's been acting very impulsively with buying the goats, and kissing Peter. She's been emotional and unstable and overall, a little crazy. She's up coloring almost every day, from like three in the morning till everyone gets up. She's pushing every person that cares about her away, and often cries."

I just stare at James, pissed off at him.

"Are you done?" I ask him, my chest warming with anger. "You're one to talk. The only time you show emotions are when you're with Alpine—who's my fucking goat and not yours. But I let you interact with her, because you're a dick if you don't. You only talk to Steve and it's not even that much. You're the one who keeps pushing people away, Sam tries to make talk with you, even Peter, and you just stay there like a fucking statue."

I loosen my grip on Karl as he bleats loudly. Alyssa looks between us.

"She stabbed me the other day."

"You goaded me on. You literally were pressuring me into doing it."

"Cause I didn't think you'd do it!"

"I should've went for your fucking neck, and then we wouldn't have to sit here together and argue!" I clench my teeth. "He pushed me down the stairs last night."

"I didn't think you'd actually fall."

"What did you think would happen? I would just catch myself on the fucking railing? I wish I dragged you down with me, but you were laughing at me. Maybe next time I'll fall on Alpine, and then you won't be laughing."

James' mouth opens, and he covers Alpines ears. I watch as he presses his lips together and looks away from me. "I hate you." He says.

"I KNOW! I know you do! You don't need to tell me every two seconds!" I stand up and plop Karl down next to Alpine in Bucky's lap. "You want the goats? Take the fucking goats. I'm done with this shit."

I wipe my eyes at tears start to escape while I open the door. I ignore Alyssa calling after me and continue to the elevator.

I resist the urge to punch the wall as Sharon hops in next to me, glaring.

"What the fuck is your problem?" I ask her. "You were nice to me in Berlin, and now you hate me. What did I do?"

She just sneers at me and looks away.

"Fine," the doors open. "Have a nice fucking day." I leave and ignore the receptionist calling after me, trying to get my attention.

I freeze in my spot as I see a familiar car waiting outside. I tilt my head in confusion as Tony steps out of the car.

"What are you doing here?"

"Why are you done early?" He shakes his head. "Whatever, get in the car."

I quickly contemplate my options; walk home, or get in the car with fucking Tony. I decide on the latter and get in the passenger seat, internally groaning as I see freaking Peter in the back.