"Please, don't fall in love with me."
~ ~ ~
[30]
Sydney
I eye the lingerie Brandon got me as a joke on my birthday in the kiss cup, before giggling to myself. I'm probably never going to wear it, so why don't I just wear it now as a joke?
I pull it out of the black box before staring at it. This could be my little secret. No one has to know I tried it on. I'll probably throw it away, so why not see it on just this once?
I pull my clothes off, before making sure my curtains are closed and pulling it on.
What am I doing?
With a deep breath, I turn to my mirror, before covering my face in embarrassment.
Oh my god, what if Justin walks in on me? How would I explain this to him?
Justin's been locking himself up in the guest room, but often times slips into my room. I spoke to Michael at school this morning. He told me exactly what happened, and I didn't want to question him any further. If he has anything to tell me, he should be the one to decide when he's comfortable enough to talk.
Justin's been through loads.
I snap a couple of mirror selfies of myself, before removing the lingerie. I put my pyjama's back on and climb into my bed.
Through my half-asleep eyes, I go through the pictures, before deleting them.
Honestly, I don't even remember what I clicked.
~ ~ ~
"What are you looking at?" I ask, quizzically, eyeing Tyler who's been staring at his phone since lunch break started. Justin skipped school altogether, Michael is at an athlete meeting in the gym and Samantha is probably with Adam somewhere. So that left me sitting alone with Tyler at one of the cafeteria tables.
"Nothing," he grins sheepishly, turning his phone away from my gaze.
I narrow my eyes at him but that only makes his grin widen.
"Tyler..."
"Yes, Sydney?"
"Why do you keep looking at me like that?"
"Nothing," he bites his lip.
I grab his phone out of his hands.
And...
Oh fuck.
Fuck.
Shit.
My face turns red.
It's the mirror selfies. Of me. In that bloody red lingerie.
"Hey! Get your own! These are mine!" he snatches his phone out of my hands.
"It wasn't meant for you to see, I was just fooling around last night," I squeak in embarrassment.
"Fooling around? With who?" he raises an eyebrow.
I shrug, "Myself."
He stares at me for a moment before his face contorts into realisation, "Oh, you were fooling around with...yourself."
His lips curl into a sly smirk.
My eyes widen, "No! OH GOD, NO, TYLER!"
"Hey, no judgement, sweetheart. After seeing these, I'm probably going to be doing that with myself too..." he chuckles.
My cheeks heat up even more when I think about Tyler...you know...to my pictures...
I playfully hit his arm, "Oh my god! It's not funny! I saw it and got carried away!"
"Mmmm, you got carried away? Tell me more, baby," he groans, biting his lip with the same stupid smug grin masking his lips. My heart starts to race.
"Tyler!" I scream, grabbing a little bit of attention.
"That's right, baby, scream out my name," he laughs, throwing an arm over my shoulder.
"I hate you," I try hiding my smile.
"What? Come on, sweetheart, you know I'm kidding. I love messing with you. Besides, what's so embarrassing about this? It's sexy. You're sexy," he doesn't bother hiding his smile.
My heart does little summersaults in my chest.
"It's just, I've never taken provocative photos before. And Brandon got me this with the cup as a joke, remember? I just wore it because I know I'll never wear it again."
"You mean...you've never sent Daniel?"
I shake my head.
"Oh, right, sorry. I'll delete them, don't worry."
There he goes again, being all sweet and making my heart do summersaults.
"No, it's alright, I should probably never take pictures like these. I'd appreciate it if you delete them."
"You should take them more often," he grins.
I give him a flat look.
"What? I like them."
~ ~ ~
"So," I grin stupidly, "Have you met any sexy guys yet?"
Justin looks at me before rolling his eyes, a small grin playing his lips.
"I'm not on that page yet, Sydney."
"Oh, alright, just tell me if you do. So, we can fangirl together."
"Okay, Sydney. Enough about me, tell me about you and Tyler."
My grin fades, "What about us?"
"I'm not an idiot," he narrows his eyes at me, "I know you like him."
"I'm dating him, of course, I like him." At least one of those is true.
"Then why did I find this next to your bed stand," he pulls a paper out of his pocket, and my heart sinks when I see it's the paper with the rules we wrote.
"Rule number one, no kissing unless Meredith or Daniel are around. Rule number two, no one can know about the deal. Rule number three, no falling in-"
"Fine, fine. Shut up. We aren't really dating. I'm helping him to keep Meredith away." I blurt out, sitting up from my bed.
"Why didn't you tell me?"
I give him a flat look, "No one's supposed to know. You were supposed to believe it too."
"Believe you'd date the guy you hated overnight? I know my best friend, Sydney."
"I never hated him," I protest.
"Wow, Tyler is such a dick head. Tyler is such a show-off. Tyler is such a fuck boy, seriously, why are girls so keen on getting into bed with him? Tyler is such-"
"That's enough Justin. Tyler is a really nice person, I never talked to him when I said all those things about him," I shrug.
"Mhm. And then what happens when Meredith stops trying to get back with him? What happens to you?"
What happens to me?
It sounds like such an easy question, but why can't think of an answer? I know I've come to terms with liking Tyler, but have I come to terms that he might not feel the same way? Have I come to terms that once Meredith does stop, we're going to go our separate ways?
Besides, graduation is two months away. What happens when we head our separate ways?
"You like him, don't you?" Justin stares at me intently.
I breathe out an exasperated sigh, "Yes, Justin. I like Tyler. Now what? What am I supposed to do?"
Well, my blabbering mouth did kind of tell him that I like him yesterday when we were laying under the stars.
Justin shrugs, "A crush is harmless. But once you start feeling things for him, well, then, you're fucked."
"Alright. I'm fucked," I close my eyes for a brief moment.
"But I don't get it," I snap my eyes open, sitting up abruptly and facing Justin.
"He's so sweet to me. He's never said anything insulting. Oh, and he did tell me that I drive him crazy. Does that count?"
"He's horny like a unicorn during mating season," Justin shrugs as if this is the simplest problem in the world and he's just solved it.
"Well..." I don't know why he's telling me this.
"Guys are sweet when they are horny. Trust me, I would know. Tyler just needs to be laid," Justin shrugs, crossing his arms behind his head.
"Wait, are you implying I sleep with him? Gee, thanks. But that's not what I'm going to do."
"Why do you like bullshitting yourself so much?" Justin narrows his eyes at me.
"I- what?"
"Wake up, idiot. Fine, you don't want to have sex with him, I respect that. A lot. Like I really do. I bow down," he pauses, standing up from the armchair and literally bows, "to your super virginity. But give the guy a chance. Since we've come to the conclusion that you're already fucked, what harm will it do to give him a chance and see where things take you?"
I blow out a breath of frustration and rake my fingers through my hair. "I'm scared! That's all. He's a player for fucks sake. I can't think when I'm around him. I'm in a constant battle with myself on whether I should give in or not. I hate this!"
"You accepted the deal," he shrugs.
I blow out another frustrated breath, staring up at the ceiling above me.
"Sydney, you have a pussy. It's between your legs. You don't actually need to be one. It seems to me the things you are running from are the things that are going to come back and hit you in the face. You feel me? You can run away but it will come back and slap you harder. Fucking deal with it. Wake up, moron!" Justin rants on, falling onto the bed next to me.
"And besides. If he breaks your heart, I'll kill him. I might be gay but I'm not afraid to fuck his pretty face up."
I stare at him for a brief moment before shaking my head, "I fucking love you."
~~~
Tyler
I stare at the ceiling.
What the actual fuck is wrong with me?
My thoughts are racing. I can't quite think about each one as they go by so quickly. And each of them being of Sydney.
"Hey man."
I look up to see Brandon leaning against my door.
"Sydney stressing you out?"
I give him a confused look, "What the fuck, no."
"Sure," he smirks.
"I mean Sydney is a pretty decent chick, man. I can see why you like her," he shrugs, crossing his arms over his chest.
"No. I do not like her, Brandon," I say slowly. I broke the second rule when I told Brandon about us, after Sydney's said wet dream fiasco.
He still continues, "If she was really fucking hurt right now," he pauses, taking a glance at me. "What would you do?" he asks, taking a step towards me. I could feel my anger rise at the thought. I roll my eyes at him and he scoffs weakly with a cocky grin. As much as my face is expressionless, he knew me better than that.
"What would you do if she is already in love with someone else," he taunts me. My throat goes tight, and I just stare at him blankly. Don't let him get to you. He's just testing me; trying to prove me wrong. He wants me to admit it.
Suddenly, he puts his wicked face on while clenching his jaw, as if he had the best thought.
"How would you feel if I had sex with her? How would you feel if I fucked her until-" Brandon starts saying, but I already shot up from my bed and grabbed him from his throat.
I shove him into the wall while he continues giving me his assured smirk.
"That possessive already huh-" he coughs out. I shove myself away from him and take a couple of steps back with a glare.
"Shut the fuck up, Brandon." I snarl at him and turn away. Yet, I know the motherfucker is right.
"What? Is she that hot or something?" he asks in an arrogant tone.
"That's not it! God damn it, Brandon what the hell has gotten into you!" I boom in rage. He's just trying to make things worse for me.
He shrugs, "The girl likes you, man. Why don't you make it a real relationship?"
"Brandon. You know I can't. I'm going to fuck things up. I don't want to hurt her."
"Sure, Tyler. She won't be available for you all the time; I just want you to know that."